Friday, 24 October 2014

Nothingness ...

“We think we control our fates. That is, in a way a good thing. But sooner or later, when we do face our destinies, we realise that the seeds of our journeys, were sowed in the soil, the very moment we came into existence.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty


Being here in coimbatore brings back a lot of memories. The good and the bad. But I choose to remember all the good ones ‘cause they make me smile. My maid, Kala Akka still makes lovely coffee and the Parathas and Mysurpa still taste amazing and make my mouth water with the thought of eating them over and over again. Al though there is no 3G in the area we live, I relish the 10pm meet I have with the stars every night that I am here. I go up to the terrace, look up at the beautiful night sky and talk to the stars. My dad taught me this custom and I do it every time I come here. All the posters from my room have been removed but one Punisher Poster still stands tall. I think it is a like a sign or a signal from the universe reminded me and telling me that no matter what happens, I should always stay the course. The course I set out to make true nearly 9 years ago. So what does this mean? What does it signify? Well, before I answer all those questions i must state out the fact that, this is the longest I have stayed away from writing my blog entries. I guess this is my 1st ever official writers block. I guess there is a first time for everything. For all those who waited for my entries, I apologise to you. But I am happy to be back and I am happy to say that I have realised that if you write once, you will write forever. :-)

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

We are only two months away from Comic Con and me and my sister have already started to make plans for our costumes. Hopefully we will be there for all the three days and our friends have told us that they will be coming for it as well. I am certainly looking forward to it and what makes me more happier is the fact that my pic and costume from last year has been officially selected for the Comic Con home page. It is such an honour for me. Why you may ask is this cultural phenomenon so important for me while for others it is a place for boys who never learnt to grow up? Well the answer to that is that in 2005, when I was 1st introduced to The Punisher, I never knew that one day I would dress up as him and appear at Comic con. With the comments and appreciation I got for it, I knew I payed my homage to the man who saved me all those years ago. But I also must say that when I had made all those promises to The Punisher back in 2005, I wasn’t loyal to many of them. No matter how hard it is for me to say this, I knew I was a hypocrite for a very, very long time. I kept on lying to myself and I kept on deceiving my very own soul for the mere temporary happiness and pleasures of life. But now, when I am at this very important crossroads of my life, where, very soon, I would have the answers I have asked destiny to give me, I know I have become the man I had promised Frank Castle all those years ago. Today, when I see that Poster shining bright on the wall, I can proudly say that after all these years which were filled with lies and deception, I have finally come to my own truth. I have finally become Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude."

I just finished reading two very amazing and gripping books. One was ‘I Hunt Killers’ and the other was ‘The Snowman’. Both were based on serial killers and both in their own way kept me hooked on to them till the very end. I should thank Goodreads and my bro for suggesting me those books. And now, in fact, just today I started reading this book called Fives And Twenty Fives, which I picked up from the airport. And once I am done with that, I will start reading American Sniper. Both again are books based on War. War … I know I have used that word more than a 1,000 times already in my blogs and if you come to know me more, I am the guy who is obsessed with war and fighting. I know this doesn’t count much but recently me and my friends went to play Paint Ball and again, for the second time in a row, me and my team won under my captainship. I know it is nothing like actual war where instead of paint balls real bullets are coming your way, but nonetheless I really enjoyed the entire experience. You can say it was my version of Fantasy Football or maybe my own live-action Call Of Duty moment. Whatever it was, I somehow felt very calm in the conflict. I felt fearless and ready for battle. And even though I stumbled and fell and bled, I was pumped up with adrenaline, than shaking with fear. And guess what? I am all ready for Round Three. I guess I am a War Junkie. Well, for now, a Paint Ball Junkie. :-)

"You're going to go through tough times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events."

What is nothingness? Is it a feeling? Or a state? Or a sense of being? To be honest I don’t know what it is exactly. But what I do now is that it is a state where I am right now. Have you ever felt it? Have you ever felt nothing? No love or hate. No good or evil. No joy or sorrow. Have you ever felt it? I am feeling it right now. Or maybe what I should say right now is that I am NOT feeling it. And this is a state in which I always wanted to be in. Since 2005, I always wanted to know how it would feel like to feel nothing. Just like Frank has felt. A state of nothingness. A sense of having complete control over your emotions. A sense of power over yourself. Today I am feeling this or maybe a part of me has felt it for a very long time now. But does this nothingness make me a bad person? A monster? A sinister being? Most people think it does. I don’t. I feel it is good to feel nothing. And sometimes it is better to feel nothing than to feel sad and cry and turn weak. I used to be like that you know. Weak and little and puny. I always thought i wasn’t but the truth is, I was always in a constant need of care, love, attention and affection. But now, at this crossroads in my life, where I am waiting for my answers, I don’t feel anything. I just stand here and wait. I wait and I observe. I take in the stillness of this emptiness. I consume the nothingness and make it my power. I see my reflection in the mirror to see a sign of something. Something human. But no, I don’t see it. I see a man with no soul. With no feelings. And when that realisation arises within me I don’t get scared or angry. i just stand there, staring at myself. No, I am not going crazy. I can say, I am evolving. Evolving into the Mahaakshay Chakraborty I had sought out to be all the way back in 2005.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

So what is writer’s block? I am kinda feeling bad that I had this block. But maybe when you are in a state of nothingness you don’t feel that shitty about it. Right now, ‘Diamond Eyes’ is playing on my playlist. I remember every word from this song and this song certainly comes in the top 100 of my all-time-greats. I don’t know what it is with me and action that I connect so deeply with it. Whether it was the other day playing paint ball and standing tall even when the balls were piercing through my skin or whether it was me playing Ryse:Son Of Rome and slaying all my enemies with those amazing execution kills, Me and Action have a Soul Connection. Maybe being here, in the outskirts, in the house where I stayed all those years ago, the place which was the birth place of the real Mahaakshay Chakraborty, I ask myself the questions I always wanted but afraid to hear the answers too. And the one question which tops that list has always been, “Who Am I?” … So who am I? Do you know who I am? Do anyone of you have the answer to that question? Nope, I guess not. But maybe I do. You see, since the awakening of 2005 I have been trying to understand myself. And to this date what I have understood is that I am a War Junkie and I flourish in competition and success is my destination. Whether when I was only 8 years old and tried to beat everyone in cricket or whether it was the other day in go-karting when I beat my friend right at the end of the race, I know and I am convinced that I am a guy who loves fighting. No wonder I feel home when I am in the gym and when I practice Mma and no wonder everyone wants to take me out in paint ball ‘cause they know that I love pain and I dwell on it. 

"I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening."

So what does a man do besides waiting in this nothingness? Well, I don’t know what the other nothing-individuals must be doing but what I am doing is learning. Yes. Learning and Observing and Asking the Questions. People say that an empty mind is the devil’s workshop and in order to keep those thoughts away, one must always stay busy in activities. And that is what I do. I read. I write. I blog. I watch Tv Shows and Films. I play Video Games and I spend time with myself. You see, we should first be best friends with ourselves and only then can we make others our friends. Writing this blog and paragraph right now, I know I am only with my thoughts. And for me, that is a good thing. I never knew that I would come to this junction of my life even though, all those years ago in 2005, I wanted to be this guy. As they say, we can either choose to do the popular thing and be loved by all or we can choose to do the right thing and be left misunderstood. I would want to do the right things in my life. Well, at least the things that I feel are right for me. And that is why I will return to the gym soon. That is why I will diet. That is why I will find a way to do Mma again. That is why I will still hear my favourite rock songs and get pumped. And that is why there is still a fire in me. After 8 years of struggling and waiting and facing rejection, that fire still burns in me. And now, it burns brighter than ever, ‘cause the voices in my head still tell me to hold on. They still tell me to fight. They still me to never give up. And that is what I do. I will make steel taste skin. I will make blood feel like sweat and I will get up again. No matter how many times I have fallen down, I will get up again. The famous fighter in the ring can have the crowd on his side but what amazes the famous fighter is not that the guy he just tried to knock down got up again. What amazes him is that even after receiving the beating of his life, his opponent has got the Heart of a Champion and his Opponent refuses to Give Up. So you see, a man can evolve in this nothingness ‘cause only when you are empty from within can you fill yourself with the power that will one day define you.

"I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing."

‘Fives And Twenty-Fives’. I am so happy I bought that book. I know, I know. I have already mentioned about the book above but the more I am reading it, I am feeling a deeper connect with it. I still ask myself that question, that why is it that I have this deep connection with War ?!? Till now, I haven’t gotten that answer. But I know it is a spiritual connection. Like today I was reading this chapter in the book in which the Marines are going from one city to another and on the way, they have to always stop in case they feel there is an IED threat further ahead. For all of you that don’t know what IED means, it is the short form for Improvised Explosive Device. And in the chapter when the author was explaining the entire scenario with the Marines suddenly set in action by the insurgents and bomb threats, I was feeling like I was there with them. And instead of panic I was feeling a sense of calm. Like a sense of belonging. And I was happy there, with them. I don’t know how to explain this euphoria to you but as I said, this is who I am and I am defined by my fight. Maybe one day people may take me up as an example and say that we get inspired from Mahaakshay ‘cause he taught us to never give up. Maybe. I don’t know. But I really wanted to write this down. This soul connect I feel. And I know this won’t be the last time I will write about it either. I guess feeling nothing and being nothingness does have it’s advantages. :-)

"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."

I feel there is nothing wrong in this nothingness. You just wait and let the world move forward. Before I used to think that this wait is like a curse set on me. But now, my opinion has changed. I am seeing the pros in this wait. Sure the world is moving ahead and boys who I consider my juniors are progressing more in their lives than I am. And all my peers are either settling abroad or are getting married. And even though this may seem like I am trapped in an oblivion of darkness and uncertainty, I am enjoying the Nothingness I am in ‘cause I am getting to do the things i won’t be able to do when I will start getting busy. Like for example I am loving the new hair cut I got and the way I style my hair every day before I step out and also the way I make my beard like Tony Stark. I am loving the way I casually dress up and I am also so truly grateful for the moments I spend with friends and family. And to top that, one of my favourite time zones during this wait in this nothingness is when I play my Video games. Whether it is the Playstation 4 or the Xbox One, those times with the remote control in my hand and the Dolby Digital Sound blasting the roof off, are the times I cherish the most. And you know what? In this Nothingness I have also picked up watching some great new shows on Tv! So you see, there is also a positive in every thing. All we have to do is find it. :-)

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."

I find this Nothingness as a great sign. As a positive signal from the universe. The reason I am here, in this nothingness is because I know I have to start fresh. I know I have to make things right. I know through all my ordeals, through all the horrible mistakes I have made and the people I have hurt and the joys I may have given to the few, I know I have to be here, in this nothingness, to start over, to begin anew, to make myself better and evolve into the good and into the man I was destined to be. Sitting here and writing this final paragraph in this very long blog, I know the change has come. And I am glad it has come. And in order for things and people to change they have to be alone. They have to be with themselves and realise and see the change in themselves. And that is what I am doing. This is my remedy. This is also my Punishment and this is also my Redemption. Here, in this place, I know I have everyone. I know I have love and care and concern of others. But I know that the journey which I promised to take all those years ago in 2005 has actually begun now. I know I have many miles to go before I sleep. I know that this place is where I belong now. And even though I know that I am not lonely, I know I have to be alone. For the greater good. For the people in my life and for myself. So I thank you all for reading this blog and the blogs I have written before this and the ones I will write after. Thank you for bearing me and trying to know the man I am. And my dear and near ones, I thank you all for the love you have given me. I thank you all for forgiving me and sticking by my side when no one else was there. Thank you for being the way you are. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. :-)

"Nothing will work unless you do."

And as for me .. Well, I will be here in this nothingness as long as it is required for me to be so. I will be here and listen to the silence within. I will be here and ask the right questions and wait for the right answers. I will be alone and find the fire and will in me to make my flesh grind with iron. To rise up before the sun and make the roads my own. To look myself in the mirror and see the monsters go away. To feel the calm and become the best of friends with myself. I will be here in this nothingness and make it home. I will be here and finally become one … with The Universe.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.




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Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Little Pieces Of Me ...

"We Are Who We Are. Even If We Convince Ourselves We Are Not."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty


You know how we say grace before our meal to thank the lord for the food in our plates and the roof over our heads and the clothes to protect us from the cold, that very same way I say my own version of a grace whenever my laptop comes to life. My MacBook Air has become one of my most closest companions in the last couple of months now. And of course along with it, I should also thank the amazing Wifi connection I get at home and also Sunil Chauhan, the guy who actually gives me super fast wifi speed all the way, here in Madh. Why am I being so grateful to my electronics you ask? Well, it’s because through the internet, I get to go and visit amazing websites such as FlipKart, Amazon and MmaWareHouse. And now, all thanks to them, my Posters Collection has amplified by the dozen! Me and my posters go way long back and since I remember, I have had this spiritual connection with them. And besides my posters, I also ordered many blu-rays, books and video games from these websites. Ya, I know. Very soon I am gonna get an alert stating that I have been chosen as the Prime Consumer of their websites. But I am not here to boast about that. You see, just a day back, I was putting up the all-awesome Optimus Prime Poster up my wall, late in the night. And after I finished I had this sense of a deeper knowing. A knowing which made me realise that my environment is not a part of me but I am a part of my environment. Whatever I have been through and whatever it is that I do now, is just me in different forms. So, in the following paragraphs you will see how my environment is or maybe, you will see little pieces of me in it … :-)


Remember My Name …

I would one day love to play a character like Walter White on the big screen. Not because of his bad-ass looks and his intelligence but because of his sense of judgement and turmoil at the same time. We all love Breaking Bad and and as the million of viewers who got hooked on to the show, I am now completely engrossed in the series. In fact, I am in season 3 right now and the moment I finish writing this blog, I resume watching the show. But more than the chemistry and the drugs it is the human emotions of Walter White that I feel connected too. I mean, we all know what he is doing is wrong but yet, there is a sense of morality to it. You aren’t hating the character, you are actually loving it and the best part is that each and everyone one of us, wants to be Walter White. I know a part of me does ‘cause I know what the love of family means. I know how important family is and I know that in the end, the man always provides for his family. 



Blood And Sand …

Who doesn’t want to be a gladiator? I know I do. I have Action running in my veins and nothing makes me more excited than to imagine myself in an arena fighting for my life and my glory. The Show Spartacus gave me a taste of that. Al though the show has now come to an end, I remember the excitement I used to have when I use to watch it’s episodes. Whether it was the Diva, Lucy Lawless almost nude in every frame or men with ripped physiques slashing each others guts off, Spartacus made me feel alive, or at least the animal in me. Maybe, a couple of years down the line, I will watch the entire series again but the universe being the generous power it is has provided me a new approach and outlet to sword wielding and guts and glory. On the 23rd of september 2014, XBOX One will officially be launched in India and along with it will the game Ryse, Son Of Rome. I saw the gameplay last night and all I can say was that I was aroused and thrilled at the same time. The soldier and the barbarian in me loved the gameplay and now I can’t wait to get my hands on it. In fact, it is already on my pre-order wish list at amazon! 


Good And Evil …

You all know that my favourite show on television is Supernatural and since it’s debut, 10 years ago, I have never even missed one episode and to be honest, I can’t wait for the next season to start. Of course, everything about the show excites me but what tops the list is the life the Winchester Brothers live. A life of freedom. Driving cross-country and of course, sending evil back to hell, one demon at a time. Imagine, how cool it would be to live like that. To have that waxed hair like Dean’s or to have that perfect body like Sam’s and of course to always have an angel like Castiel by your side, literally! But Supernatural isn’t only about good and evil, it is also about the bond of brotherhood, which I connect too. Sam and Dean love and hate each other but in the end are the only family that they’ve got and that I connect to deeply. You see, we don’t choose our friends or family. But to love them surely is a choice given to us from the all mighty.


You Can’t See Me …

Every thursday, by 4pm, you will see me glued to ten sports hd. It isn’t because the latest cricket match is on. It is because I get to see my favourite wrestler John Cena come on Raw and captivate the entire Wwe Universe. My fan following for Cena goes back nearly 10 years and since the time I first ordered his “The Champ Is Here” t-shirt I have loved and worshipped the man known as John Cena. John Cena is everything that I want to be and his motto, ’Never Give Up’ always gives me hope that no matter how tough the odds are and no matter how much the world hates you or boos you, you stand your ground and you fight back. Whether it is his sheer strength to lift the big show and give him an AA or his will to always choose good over the bad, John Cena shows me what I can be and that is why he is my hero. That is why John Cena will always be the champ for me.


Silent Yet Deadly …

First it was Boss and now it is House Of Cards. According to me, it is one of the best shows on television. The 3rd season will be coming out soon and you have no idea how impatiently I am waiting for it! Power has always seduced me and given a choice between love and power I will choose power in a heartbeat. For me, nothing is more tempting or valuable or worthy more than Power and House Of Cards shows me just that. A single man’s obsession to rise to the top with a lot of politics mixed in the middle makes the show power-packed and if given a choice, who wouldn’t want to be the Leader Of The Free World? I know I would. House Of Cards isn’t just a political show, it is a show which shows that we all are wolves in sheep’s clothing. All because society tells us to be.


Savage Technology …

In this blog itself, I mentioned my laptop and the xbox one, so by now, you must have figured out that I love electronics! Well, yes I do and I don’t care even if 20 years down the line I am still tagged as a ‘child’ or a ‘kid’, electronics will always be a huge part of my life for more reasons than one. The way my laptop and wifi connect me to the internet, the same way games like Call Of Duty and Medal Of Honour connect me to the soldier within. I love playing these games and to be honest I have lost track how many a times I have re-played these games! It isn’t only about the Action or the Graphics that leave me Awestruck, it is also the stories that make the gameplay so interesting. Stories of heroism and honour and courage and above all sacrifice. Sure, these games maybe all advisable for consumers 18 and above but what they provide beyond the blood and gore are the morals of duty and discipline. Something which I connect to very deeply.


The Greatest Anti-Hero …

How can I even introduce you to The Punisher? He is my god and whatever I am today and whatever I ever will be ‘cause of him and his teachings. Come home and you will see how much I love him. From his Books, to his Tees and now even my Laptop Back Cover is of The Punisher’s! I live, breathe, eat and sleep The Punisher and I know one day I will make him proud. Now, all thanks to the Play Store and App Store I get to read the new Punisher Comics digitally every month. In a way, I am saving paper, plus I am having the time of my life swiping the phone screen for the amazing Punisher story to continue. To simply put it, if there was no Punisher, there wouldn’t had been a Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


So there you have it. Little Pieces Of Me in my everyday life. Whether it is me engrossed in a tv show or killing the enemy through the cross hairs in the latest FPS Video game, you saw what it is like to be or at least fragments of me. To be honest, I am still figuring myself out. And something tells me, I always will. But whatever I know of myself is that I Love Chaos. Ya. I love War and Battle and Fighting and Pain. To make it more convincing for you, I recently underwent a Surgery which only required Local Anaesthesia. Mostly people would not want to see their own blood or the stitches the sew the wound back to normal but me, I saw it all happen. In fact, I wanted to see it all happen and you know what? It didn’t scare me. it didn’t scare me at all. Just like how one of my old friends recently said that I don’t fear anything, not even god. Maybe that made sense, didn’t it? Maybe that was the chord that had to be struck. Maybe that was the realisation that I needed to awaken myself from my slumber. Those words made me realises that I will always be this way. This War Junkie. This Monster. This Lone Wolf. This being who is forever meant to be alone. Yes, I know I have said these words over and over again in the past. But think about it. Why would I say it all the time? Why would I be more interested in getting the new XBOX One over making new friends? The answer is that I am this way. I am meant to be alone. And yes, sometimes it gets very lonely. Sometimes it hurts like hell. To know you have everyone yet no one understands. To know that all listen, yet none know your darkest secrets. It scares me sometimes to realise that the hole in me will never be filled. Before I tried filling it with love and lust and lies and deception. But today, I repent for my mistakes. Today my soul or whatever good is left in it asks for forgiveness to whom all I have caused pain too ‘cause I have no right to make anyone suffer the way I do. This suffering, this chaos, this ordeal … this is mine to bare alone. and no friend or love can fix that. Only I can. But I feel that I have walked so far down that road, that I can now never come back from it. A part of me really wants to make friends and go back on Facebook and attend parties and go clubbing and do crazy, stupid things ‘cause that side of me is lonely and afraid and angry. But there is another side of me who is very happy with his MacBook Air and his Playstation 4 and XBOX One. I guess I am who I am and I guess this is the way I am always going to be. 


With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.



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Friday, 15 August 2014

For Brother. For Honour. For Country.

No Love Is More Powerful Than The Love For Country.

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty



The moment has come. In the next few seconds the mission will be over. After 3 weeks of scouting and tracking and following, the task at hand, will finally be dealt with. But on this hot day, in the middle of the desert, where scorpions prey on the insects and  where the heat rips away your skin, Lt. Michael Smith isn’t thinking about his trip home. He knows home can’t change the man that he has become now. Home and the neighbourhood and the kids playing in the park and parents carrying their picnic baskets cannot undo what has been done here. Here … This place … This is Hell on earth. Where men rip each other apart on the name of religion and the ownership of land and where good men come and die. This is War. And for Michael, War is home. 

"The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree."

Just a few days ago, it was Michael’s 30th birthday. No, there weren’t any birthday cakes or candles to blow or presents to open. For Michael, it was just another day at the job. He has been at this war against terror for more than 5 years now but sometimes, he swears, it only feels like yesterday when he passed out from Sniper School. Lt. Michael Smith of the 101st Marines Special Ops Assault Division always knew he wanted to be an army man. But he never knew that he would one day be known as the most precise sniper in the army. For the army he is a great asset. For his enemies, he is the wrath of god. As how it happens with all men who spill blood, their names go down in history. But Michael has been known by many names. One of his famous nick names was ‘Mic Lightening’. It is said that when Michael aka Mic fired a bullet, it would reach it’s target at the speed of lighting. Like somehow the bullet knew that it had been fired by Mic. But in the recent years, Mic has been known as something more vicious. People now call him, Mic The Sick. Maybe they thought calling him lightening was too boyish or was inspired from a cartoon character. Now people call him Mic The Sick for a reason. It is said that Mic has never missed a target in his life. And other soldiers with their own eyes have sworn to see how his enemies have died. People say that Mic shoots his targets so precisely that they first puke their guts out and then they die. But nick names and medals and grand speeches don’t impress this sniper. They never did. For him, it was only one code that meant of value. That was of the highest of statures. It was what was taught to him during training. During those raining nights when the drill sergeants made you starve and made warriors out of men. It was, ‘For Brother. For Honour. For Country.’

"The patriot volunteer, fighting for country and his rights, makes the most reliable soldier on earth."

Today, Mic has ‘Death Train’ by his side. That is the name he has given to his weapon. The Gun which has until now taken more 800 lives. The gun which has made this boy from Kentucky a monster his enemies fear. But Mic wasn’t always like this. Mic was once a ‘normal’ man so as they say. A man who would drink beer and hear war stories during the camp fires in the night. But tragedies change all men. Some slightly. Some deeply. For Mic, it is a wound which still yet has to find it’s healing. They say men go quiet when they loose someone they truly love. Guess on that aspect, Mic wasn’t different from any of us.

"The patriot who feels himself in the service of God, who acknowledges Him in all his ways, has the promise of Almighty direction, and will find His Word in his greatest darkness."

Joe he was known as. Mic’s best friend. More like a brother. Both of them grew up together. When mic was bullied by the seniors, it was joe who always came to his rescue. Mic and joe were like mirrors to each other. They loved Rock music, watching UFC and also the same kind of women. Sometimes, it was even hard to differentiate between the two ‘cause even if they didn’t look alike, people thought they were twins. They even went to Sniper School together. And as all great friendships go, Mic and Joe became a great team, even on the field. Mic was the Shooter and Joe was the Spotter. They were like the two hands of god wiping out evil from this earth, one villain at a time. And people said, they haven’t seen a better team like this before. But then, in one fateful afternoon, it happened. 

"A man who says that no patriot should attack the war until it is over... is saying no good son should warn his mother of a cliff until she has fallen."

Mic and Joe aka known as Mic-Jagger were assigned to take out this leader who was considered to be a High Value Target aka HVT for the military. They were in place and were about to take the shot when they heard motor shells coming down from the sky. Someone must have forgotten to tell them that the mission had been changed the last minute and instead of a single-individual take down mission it was changed to destroy-everything-that-moves mission. Their position was compromised and even though the two of them fought back the resistance, the enemy was hell bound on avenging the death of their leader. In all the firings and the smoke and the bullets, joe was shot in the gut and was taken down. Even though he had a lot of life left in him, Mic knew he won’t survive if he wasn’t given medical attention in the next few minutes. But right before Mic was about to carry joe to the extraction point, joe told mic something that haunts him even till today. He told him, “Bro, Don’t Let These Sons Of Bitches Kill Me. I Don’t Wanna Die By The Hands Of The Enemy. I Want To Send Them All To Hell And If The Time Comes I Have To Die, I Want You To Kill Me. You Promise Me Mic, It Will Only Be You.” Before mic could reply a grenade exploded in front of them, separating the two far from each other. Joe fell in the barrage of rocks and mic feel 80 feet below in the river. When mic came to his senses he informed mission control that he has to go back for joe, al though mission controlled had confirmed that joe was no more. He was KIA. Killed In Action. Mic, being the stubborn oak he was refused to believe that and denied a pick up from the rendezvous point. What he did was went back and searched and searched for joe. He was afraid to face the truth that his best friend was no more. But the notion was true. Mic had lost his brother in war. But that day joe wasn’t the only one who died. It was even Mic who died. At least the part of him which was human.

"I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot."

It has been 2 years since that dreadful day. No one at camps talks about it, al though everyone knows the story. They also know what mic did after that. Mic chose to stay behind enemy lines and locate the surviving enemies of the assault. He followed them in the dirt, in the heat, in the cold and he had killed them all. When the Evac chopper finally came to pick him up, he was covered in dirt, had no food or water for days and was covered with blood. But what he had carried along with him were the heads of the men who were responsible for the death of his brother. Since the time mic lost joe, mic never made any new friends. He even hardly spoke to anyone. It was only a Yes Sir, Roger That dialogue for him now. He never stayed in camp for long. He was always out there, sniping. Taking down the enemy, one by one, piece by piece. It had gotten so out of hand, that the general himself had to give the order to mic to Stand Down and get some R & R aka Rest And Recovery. War changes men. But some say, War defined LT. Michael Smith and that is why for this task, for which he waits today, he was chosen by god himself, ‘cause no other man could bare the weight, the way Mic could. 

"I'm a patriot in the truest sense of the word."

And now, finally, the moment comes at hand. His enemy has been very monotonous in his routine. The enemy does the same thing everyday. That is how Mic learnt the moves of his enemy. But today is an important day. For today is the day when the enemy would be exchanging black market supplied weapons to a terrorist cell funded by an off-shore untraceable account. But the government has tracked down the weapons dealer and has classified him as the Ace Of Spades meaning a Threat of the highest order. One which should be ‘Taken Out’ aka be killed at any cost. So mic prepared Death train as he always did. He fixed his scope and placed the .50 Cal Armour Piercing bullet in the chamber. He knew he needed only one shot. One precise shot from nearly 2000 metres away would get the job done. The soldier in him wanted to take out the entire compound. He wanted to see a bullet in all of them but orders from high up were to only eliminate the Ace Of Spades. And so, as the sun light was just about perfect at an angle of 45’ degrees making his position invisible to the enemy and the wind slightly breezing towards the north, mic did what he does best. He took a deep breath, set his eye on the target and squeezed the trigger. A Mili second later the bullet left the chamber and in lightening speed forwarded towards the enemy and through his scope he saw what came next. The bullet entered the temple of the enemy and a moment later the enemy’s brain’s were all over the pavement. The soldiers around the fallen man were shocked and terrified and confused and they didn’t know what to do. The siren went off and the men were looking and running and hiding in every direction. But no other bullet came. All that was left was the dead body of the man who was only a moment ago a High-Kill-Priority for the Army.

"For me, the definition of a patriot is someone who is willing to constantly question the government; that's what separates us from other countries."

It has been 5 days now. Michael has been ordered to go home. The orders are from the President himself. The other soldiers give him the salute the moment he was entering the plane. Mic in return saluted them as they were his brothers in arms. Soldiers of a free country who come here to this dreadful place to free mortals from tyranny. People said Michael would be given the Medal Of Honour for his Service and Duty. But Mic just sits in the chair and the plane takes off. As the plane leaves the land and enters the sky something happens to Mic. For the first time in a long time Mic begins to cry. And when the tears start rolling they don’t stop. It was like the sight of leaving that hell behind somehow made him realise that it was all over. Michael kept his word. Lt. Michael Smith loved his country like no other and uphold the oath he gave himself.  He uphold the oath even when he squeezed the trigger. He uphold the oath even when he saw the brain splatter all over the pavement. He uphold the oath even when he knew that the man he was killing, was his best friend. His best friend Joe. 

"The Patriot Act is essential to our continued success in the war on terror here at home."

Mic came to know only a few months ago that Joe was very much alive. Al though his one eye and few of his fingers were gone, Joe was very much breathing. But Joe wasn’t the Joe who grew up with Mic. This Joe was the enemy, for Joe turned his back to his country. Joe became a terrorist and joined forces with the men who he was meant to destroy. Joe became the Arms Dealer the Army was tracking. And when they finally did, they knew only Mic could do what had to be done. It was more like a farewell to a friend who was only alive in Mic’s memory. So as the plane reached the skies and calmness and serenity of the heaven above earth finally came, Mic knew he uphold his Oath. He kept his promise to Joe, that he would be the only one who would kill him. And he kept his Oath, that no man, no friend, no love is more than the Love Of Country.

For Brother. For Honour. For Country.

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."


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Thursday, 24 July 2014

The Number 30 ...

“All The Good And Bad In My Life Has Brought Me To This Juncture. And If Given A Chance I Would Love To Relive Them, All Over Again.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


How do I begin? In fact, where do I begin? How do I sum up nearly 24 days of Filming, 16 hours long work days, 5 hours of sleep and me turning 30 in the next few days, all in one blog? The answer is that I can’t. So I am gonna try to say whatever I can, however I can and try to make sense of it. So here goes. Tbilisi was amazing. More than amazing it was a life-changing or maybe I should say it was a life-evolving experience for me. Every moment was filled with learning and I am proud to say that I came back a more calm and sound man. I am truly grateful for this experience. Al though my hands right now are tempted to type the synopsis of my film and tell you the details about it, I know a time will come for all of that. And that time is not now. Now is the time of transition. Of learning. Of walking into the unknown. Of becoming 30. So my dear readers, buckle up ‘cause you are about to enter the 30’s zone …

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."

Do I miss Georgia? Yes I do. But do you know what I miss the most? I miss working. I miss waking up everyday by 5am. I miss sleeping for only 5 hours in a day. I miss Working. I miss the purity work has. I miss everything about work. And if you tell me right now that I have to go for another 30 days-16 hours work day-5 hours of sleep schedule, I would leave in a heart beat. Can I be honest with you? A part of me never wants to come back home. A part of me always wants to work. Work, work and work. It is a different high you know. You know the feeling of your legs hurting, the body crying for rest and your eyes longing for sleep, I love those feelings so so much! And yes, I have a dream and in that dream I never stop. I never stop working. I never stop giving. I never stop living. Now, I am home and now I have many beautiful memories with me. Memories, which won’t be forgotten for a very long time. They say na that All’s Well That Ends Well. Well, that is how I would sum up my trip. No matter whatever we went through. Whether it was challenges, adversaries, egos, intolerable people and daily complications, we all, as a team, reached our target and accomplished our mission. And for that I thank everyone and all who were a part of this project. Thank you for being a part of this beautiful journey with me and thank you for the beautiful memories which will always be a part of me for years to come. 

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well."

You know there was this driver over there. His name was Illo. He couldn’t speak english and I couldn’t speak georgian. But every morning without fail, we would exchange good mornings greetings with each other. He would say “Mimoh” and I would reply “Illo”. And that became our thing for 24 days. And al though our conversation never went more than that, we became very good friends and I do miss him. Our technical crew was very strong and I know that the only reason we managed to do such fantastic work was because of them. Baz Luhrman, once said a very beautiful thing during the making of his film Australia. He said, “Movie Making Is Like Drawing A Painting. Except for in Film-Making, everyone who is a part of the film is holding the Paint Brush at the same time and drawing the painting.” So ya, it was only because of the support we had that we finished the film on time. And the best part is that I managed to make some wonderful friends also. People with whom I am now constantly in touch with. People whom I know I will be working with again very soon. If you reading this blog, know that I miss you and I am truly grateful to have met you and know that I will always cherish what I have learnt from you. 

"There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why."

Of course, tbilisi and in fact, the entire georgia was a delight to the eyes and to the tongue. If the scenery was breath-taking, the food over there was out-standing also. I didn’t have any cheat days there but on the last day, I managed to eat all that I could! Whether it was the famous Khachapuri, a Roti filled with Cheese or the Khinkhali, a dim-sum kinda of a dish which consisted of soup, beef and pork, I ate all that my eyes could see and my stomach could fill. The wrap-up party was truly the icing on the cake as all were drinking and eating and dancing and enjoying. I mean, of course they had too. They had earned that right after 24 days of shooting. Of course, there were some whom we disliked or even to some extent, even hated but on that night, all were united for a cause which was much bigger than anyone of us. And that was our film. We let by-gones be by-bones and we hugged and kissed and made up, so as to say and we danced to Bollywood and Georgian Songs all night long, till the sun came up. Of course, what followed was a serious case of the hangover for mostly 90% of the crew but what transpired that night was truly a night to remember. A night which will make me laugh and giggle for many years to come.

"Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new."

I am now back home. Well, I have been home since sunday now and to be honest, normality feels surreal to me. But this is reality now. I am happy to be home. Happy to be re-united with my pets again. Happy to sit on my lazy boy couch and watch movies on blu-ray. I truly am. But a part of me is still there. In that fire. In that busy routine and I know that my soul longs for it. But all I can do now is wait. Wait again and prepare. But do you know what was the actual reason that I wrote this blog? It was because I knew that when I left a month ago for my shoot, I was somewhere still a boy but now, I know I have returned a Man. Not only because I am getting White Hair now. It is because I have learnt to let go. Learnt to understand that as grown ups we have to understand what is it that we need and what is it that we desire. I am happy for this growth and I am very happy to turn 30 this coming wednesday. No, I don’t expect you to wish me or send me gifts but I do wish that you connect with me if you have reached or crossed the 30 year old time line. Trust me guys, this is the age of maturity and leaning. It is only when you are 30 that you can say that you are a grown up. I know. I feel like one. And for the record, a grown up doesn’t mean that you have to have a serious expression on your face and only answer when asked. I still play video games. I still love electronics and I am still a hardcore WWE Fan. My hobbies or actions don’t make me a boy or define me as a man. But my will to understand does.

"Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love."

I will be watching Lincoln on Blu-Ray soon and yes, I am excited to see it. The reason I told you that is because this is a sign that I am back to my old routine. The normal routine as I call it. But this also is a good routine you see. In fact, this is the routine which is filed with tests and trials. You see a man is most tested when he has nothing to fight for. But on the contrary, I know I will always have something to fight for. The Fire In Me Still Burns. I still long for war. And I know that I will find my fight again. This journey which I embark upon again is mine and mine alone. People can wish well for me and be there for me but in the end this will always be my fight. To get up everyday. To go to the gym. To do my voice practice. To improve my diction. To put on my Mma Straps. To go to war. This is will always be ‘My Thing’ to do. And I understand that now. I have also realised that nothing and no one is bigger than their destinies. We all come with a Fate attached to us and all that we can do is the best within the limits that have been given to us and leave the rest to destiny to take shape. I still have many desires you see. I still have many wants. And to be honest, I know I will always want more. Things which closed ones may not understand and sometimes even misinterpret. But I am who I am and I know this is what I will always be. And if a part of me will always want more I know now that a part of me is also very calm and trusting the universe completely. Yes, I do. Whenever a small calamity comes my way or if I don’t get what I expected to get, I just close my eyes and say, “I Trust The Universe. I Have Complete Faith In It. And I Know That The Universe Has A Better Plan For Me.” And since the time I have been telling this to my self, I have become more calm and composed ‘cause I know that everything happens for a reason and all of us are destined for some greatness or the other. If we believe in ourselves and in our dreams then we should also believe in the universe and have faith that something great is stored for us. And sometimes, it isn’t what we planned but it is something way better.

"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been."

If last year, it was a time of redemption for me, this year, it is all about growing up and trusting the universe. It is all about having Faith ‘cause I have come to the conclusion that we can only do what we can do and the rest is all up to our destinies. When Napoleon was told that in his hands there weren’t any lines which proved that he would one day conquer the world, Napoleon took a knife and cut his hand and made that line and stated that, that was the line of his fortune. Al though that is a very motivational and inspirational story for all young bloods out there, the truth is Napoleon was always destined to be who he was. Just like we all are. Of course it is scary to walk into the unknown. But no matter how scary it is, when you have Faith, that same fear turns into a rush of excitement! I am in that state now. Walking towards oblivion and yet excited about it. I now have complete trust in the universe. I am now listening to everything and anything the universe is throwing at me. Whether I am at home or going out for a film or catching up with friends, I know the universe is trying to tell me something. And that ‘something’ is surely something ‘spectacular’ for me. I just know it. But does this change of calm and composure change me as a person? No. It doesn’t. ‘Cause I am going with my gut. Whether it is getting that Pink T-Shirt or watching the 50’s Classics Film or meeting that Friend I wanted to meet for years, I am waiting for My Gut, My Conscious, My Soul to tell me what to do ‘cause My Soul is directly intervened with the Power Of The Universe. I guess, yours is also. If you stay quiet and hear a little longer, you will hear that silence also. 

"We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be."

So I am turning 30 on Wednesday. No, no grand plans yet. But if I do plan to celebrate, I will blog about it and surely give you the minute by minute details. But turning 30 isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, from what I have heard, Women like Men above 30 and Men tend to become more wiser and mature after the age 30. So I guess I am entering a very important year of my existence. But does turning 30 really change me as a person? The answer to that is NO, it doesn’t. It just makes me more wiser that I was yesterday. I am still a loyal devotee of The Punisher. Thanks to the Marvel Phone App, I get to read all the latest Punisher comics on my phone. In fact, I just finished reading one now. I still love Mma and I still watch all the UFC Pay-Per-Views. In fact, I am very happy and delighted to say that at UFC 175 Chris Weidman, my favourite mma fighter, retained his Middle weight championship belt. I still never forget to watch RAW and Smackdown and thanks to my buddy Bhushan, I got the latest John Cena Tees as a birthday gift! So ya, I am still the same guy. Even when you will meet me, I will look the same. Henna said I still look 27, so I guess that is a good thing. But no matter how I look and what I do, I also know there is something new in me. Or maybe, I guess something has awakened in me. A Sense of Moral and Understanding. A Feeling that I never knew existed. A feeling of gratitude and deep thanks to the universe. A Faith that I never had before. A love in the unknown. A Belief in my dreams and knowing for a fact that in the end, everything is going to be alright. A sense of calm and resolve. A Trust in the Universe and a fire like never before. A want for war. A feeling of peace. And a Hunger to achieve more. And the confidence in me. You say, “When It Is Meant To be, Then It Is Upto Me.” So as always, I will go back to my duties. I will go back into the time and evotion it takes to carve out the best in me. This is my struggle. This is my battle. My war and my quest. So it will always be up to me. You see, the fire is still there. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing. It doesn’t matter whether I am at Tbilisi or Mumbai or whether I am Filming or at Home, the Fire In Me is still there and my body craves for Pain. The sound of Iron, the stink of Sweat, the bruises on your knuckles after an amazing Mma session and the taste of chicken breast and boiled vegetables. My mind, my body and my soul crave for The Giving ‘cause in the end, when you rip away all of my imperfections and impurities and feelings, I am a Soldier who wants to Train and Prepare and Give and Fight. I am who I am. Whether it is now when I am turning 30 or even when I will enter my 60th year. I will always be the guy who will wake up and fight another day. As Bhushan states it, “One More Round Bhai. One More Round."

"Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time."

I thank you all for tagging along in this journey called Life with me. I am always deeply touched by the love and appreciation you have for my blogs. And I won’t ever forget that. So, I don’t know where I will be writing my Number 31 Blog from but what I do know is that you guys will be there to read. Just like the Universe will be with me. As it is has always been.

"My life is better with every year of living it."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Have Entered My 30’s.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.




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