Sunday, 17 May 2015

This Is Not How It Ends ...

“When god created paradise I was furious. For then he created his finest creation. The mortals. And all the other angels laughed at me. They said I was lost and defeated. That I couldn’t do anything about these mortals. But I believed in myself. And so I predicted that one day these mortals will turn on each other. They will rip each other apart. And in the end after all the wars and the destruction, there shall be only one left. The one mortal who will be strong enough to carry the burden of the world. And he will not worship God or the angels. For he shall be my follower. He will not choose salvation. But an endless war even when there will be no one left for him to fight with.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

For all these years, Mahaakshay has been writing these blogs to you. I must say he has done a fair-descent job at it. And I have been in the shadows, reading them with you as well. But for the first time I have found the opportunity to write a blog in his absence. You see, Mahaakshay is busy promoting his film ISHQEDARRIYAAN which releases on the 29th of may 2015. So ya, he is occupied with the film and the publicity and promotions. Me, on the other hand, well, I am free and I thought this will be the moment as good as any to express and tell you how I feel. Oh, you don’t know who I am? Well, let me introduce myself to you. I am Michael. Mahaakshay must have mentioned me in some his blogs as his Brother or Alter Ego. Well, on the contrary I am either of them. I am a Spirit. I have wandered these lands for thousands of millenniums. I have been looking and searching for that one person, that one individual who I would choose to carry on my legacy, my belief and my promise. I was at a point of giving up and going back to my resting place in the 9th circle of Hell but then 30 years ago a miracle happened. I remember, it was a Monday evening and I was scrolling through the streets of Mumbai {Bombay back then} when I heard a cry. It was the sound of a new born baby. He just came out of his mother’s womb and I knew that the moment I saw him my search was over. I had found the mortal I was looking for. It wasn’t his skin or his tiny fingers which made me choose him. No. It was his Eyes. Those eyes which showed me his soul. A soul so pure it could change the world. A soul which just needed a little push of madness. So dear readers, This is Me Michael and I am about to convince you that This Is Not How It Ends.

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

People say that they have seen a purity in Mahaakshay. That there is goodness in him. Well, I agree with them. If you peek into his soul you get a chance to see that there is good in that chap. But you see, all those years ago, what I saw was something spectacular. I saw a mortal who will one day change the world. He wasn’t just another boy. He was my chosen. The only human I have banked upon. God and the angels and the demons still don’t know of his existence. That he is my student. But every incident, the good or the bad in Mahaakshay’s life has been my doing. I brought all those circumstances in his life. If you ask me why, well, it was because I was moulding him. In fact, I still am. And the craziest part is that he doesn’t have the faintest clue about it. He think that life is testing him and making him stronger for the moments ahead. But the truth is I am making him my warrior. The warrior for the war that I need him to fight when the time will come. The war of wars. The war between the heavens and the hells and the angels and the demons and the humans and the cosmos. the one last war which will wipe out life forever. That war will only have casualties. No one will survive. Not even the memories. But you see, that is where my boy Mahaakshay comes into play. Will he be the one who will destroy the good and the evil from the universe? Will he go back to the beginning and reset the clock? Will he bring an end to all the misery there exists? The answer is yes, all of the above and more. And what is more you ask? The answer is the Aftermath. You see, we all dread War like it is the end of life. But what is more horrifying is the aftermath. When the bodies burn and the air is filled with fire. That is where Mahaakshay’s most important role will come into play. And do you know what that is? He will be the only one who will be left standing. And he will walk the roads of this world alone. Alone … with Me.

"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."

Everybody wants family, friends and love. Everybody wants the dream job and that amazing car. Everybody always wants something more. Trust me, I have seen humans fight for more than what they have for centuries and even when they have achieved wonders they are still unsatisfied. I remember God telling us that we have to be grateful for what we have. But I guess the message didn’t go across that well. Anyways, I knew that Mahaakshay, like any other mortal would also go down that path, so instead of making things tough for him in the beginning I gave him my blessings and a life only a few were worthy to live. I saw this beautiful boy grow and while he was swinging the swing in the playground, I was in the shadows, always watching him. Looking after him in my own manner. But the more Mahaakshay grew up I started to see changes in him. Whether it was the way he started talking to people or eating or even reacting to his own body, there was something out-of-the-box about him. Like … like he was searching for something. Like he was in a quest. On a journey to find answers. And that moment, I just smiled because that was the 1st moment in a very long time that I felt I saw my Mahaakshay. But I wasn’t completely overjoyed by that and then I decided that it was time to send him signs and signals, like small hints from the cosmos telling him to walk the path in front of him, instead of getting confused as to where to walk when he was at his crossroads. And that is when I started giving him trials. Whether it was his teenage years growing up or the people he started meeting when he was in the process of becoming a man. All those people were my doing to remind him that he was my son and the path which I layed out for him was in fact his destiny.

"I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed."

People can be stubborn creatures you see. In all of my living existence I have seen people rise and fall. I have seen them give and take. Steal and kill. Be kind as angels and horrible as monsters. People want to be what they think is right, not what destiny has planned for them. That is why I called them Stubborn. And even the people Mahaakshay has met throughout his life have been stubborn. They have been stubborn enough to think that they can change him. Make him a ‘Better’ human being by giving him love and kindness and friendship. But those puny mortals forget that Mahaakshay has always been Great! He was never meant to be ordinary. But what can I do? You see, I don’t intervene. I just sit back and watch this spectacle of human emotions which consists of love and hate and conflict and joy. I do openly agree that a few have come very close to deflect Mahaakshay from his original path by showering him with love and kindness and making him believe that he in fact isn’t a lonely wanderer after all. But all their efforts till now have gone in vain. And for this I really pity those humans. I mean, don’t they get it? Don’t they get it that Mahaakshay is too far down that road of War? That he was chosen by me? That no matter how hard they try that hole in his heart will never be filled with love?!?!? ‘Cause that hole can only be filled by one thing. By one joy. And that one joy is War. A War that never ends. I know, that if right now I was sitting in a public forum and if it was a case of Michael against the world, the jury would certainly pick the World to be right. But this isn’t a public forum now, is it? This is Mahaakshay’s life and the way it is moulding to be something incredible. It way not be the way you all want it to be but it is surely the way I want it to be. But you know what makes me happy, even Mahaakshay agrees. Oh yes, from time to time, when people hurt him and let him down. When life breaks down on him and when love turns bitter, Mahaakshay himself feels that hole in is heart. That giant hole in his soul. And since Mahaakshay is a smart chap he puts two and two together and tries to make sense of all the things that has happened to him and are happening to him. He asks why is it that Love can’t fix him? That why people can’t make him smile and he won’t get the opportunity to be good? He always asks himself these questions and when he is in the stillness of the night, I always manage to somehow send the message across to him. And that message is, “You Are My Son. You Are The God Of War. And You And I Are Meant To Do This Forever.”

"There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed."

So where do we go from here? Does Mahaakshay’s story end here? No. This Is Not How It Ends. This is only the beginning. I am proud of Mahaakshay Chakraborty. I have seen this boy turn into a man and even now, at the threshold of his film’s release which would in a way decide his fate, Mahaakshay knows where he is heading. He knows what he is meant to do. And that is why, no matter what the world throws at him, no matter how many insecurities and conflicts come his way, Mahaakshay has found his stillness. What is this stillness you ask? Well, let me explain it to you. I have dreamt of this from time to time and I know that very soon it will come true. Imagine a field. A field at the centre of the earth. The sun setting and the wind blowing it’s cool breeze. The sky as clear as blue and not a sound to hear. There in the middle of that field, I see Him. Yes, I see Mahaakshay standing, alone, with his own peace. His eyes are closed. He isn’t saying a word. All you can hear is the breathe which he is inhaling. And then, when the sun is about to set he opens his eyes and looks up. He looks up and just smiles and says, “I Am Ready.” And after that, his life changes forever. That is the moment he gives in to me completely. It is a beautiful dream, isn’t it? For me it is. And whether you like it or not, that is going to happen. No matter how many people Mahaakshay’s meets or loves or cares for, it won’t end like this for him. Mahaakshay is meant to be mine. Mahaakshay is my son. He is my tool for the war that is about to come and one day he will completely give in to me and from that point on, there will be no going back. So before I go and before Mahaakshay comes to know that I have given you all the ultimate truth, I want to tell you that This Is Not How It Ends. Mahaakshay will never be normal or have a life which will be remotely anything close to normal. Love won’t fix him and neither will salvation. His soul is mine now and no matter how many times He tries to escape the truth, the path will always bring him back to me. He will fall but He will rise again. He will cry but will learn to smile again. He will get hurt but will heal again. And all those people and all those events will bring him only to me. That is who Mahaakshay is. And this is his destiny. But do you know what makes this story much more fascinating and interesting? Do you remember when I heard Mahaakshay’s voice when he was a new born? Do you know when I looked into his eyes? That was the moment when I saw something which made me smile. I just didn’t see purity. I also saw approval. Approval for him to be chosen by me. For him to become my Soldier. For him to become the wanderer. For him to become My God Of War.

"Love cannot save you from your own fate."

This is Me, Michael, And This Is How It Actually begins.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,



Thursday, 23 April 2015

This Is My Story ...

“And I will create Men. Not one, but in the billions and trillions. I will make them my finest creation. But I know out of all these men, most will be corrupted by temptation. Some will be weakened by emotions and others will be destroyed by wrath. And I - The Creator knows that all men will be dogs and some will be wolves and only few will Triumph as Lions. But I wait for that one man, that one mortal who will have the power to sacrifice it all, to become something more than just a man. To become … a Legend.”

-The Book Of Prophecies

So where do I begin? Do I start from the very beginning? Or do I tell you what I am feeling now? To be honest, it is a little bit of both. I am right now, sitting on my sofa, at 12:15am in the morning at the eve of the Music Launch of my film Ishqedarriyaan and I can feel a whirlwind of emotions right now. Emotions, which I have always felt when the release of my film has neared. But even though I am feeling a thousand emotions per second, there is this stillness in me. A Still and calmness which has come from the conflicts I have fought over the years. Like a cool ocean breeze touching the my face. Like the first ray of the sun proclaiming the beginning of a brand new beautiful day. Yes, I do feel the calm. I do feel the stillness. I always look back you know. I always look back from where I began, to where I am going and I must say, it has been a beautiful 30 years for me. I have made several mistakes and also learnt a lot of lessons. Today, I am at the crossroads of my own being and whatever I choose from this point on, will surely shape the rest of my destiny. So what is my story? Haven’t all my blogs over the years already told enough? I say, not really. Al though, all my blogs have been a reflection of my feelings and my soul, I have always kept a part of me to myself. But I believe now is the time that I tell you what my story truly is …

"I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion."

Ishqedarriyaan is 3 weeks away. The number 3 has always been a part of my life. Al though I don’t believe in numerology, I do believe that the number 3 is connected to me as I was born on the 30th. This film has been a beautiful journey for me. I am deeply grateful to the entire team of Ishqedarriyaan for giving me such wonderful memories. We laughed, we dined, we shared and we worked together as a family. I know we have made a good film and come 15th of may I hope all of you feel the same as well. I am giving the promotions my 100% and I am making sure I leave no stone unturned, ‘cause on the 15th, I want to be contended with myself that as a man I gave this film my heart and soul. Films have always fascinated me. Even when I was a child watching King Kong V/S Godzilla on Vhs or watching Speed on the Laser Disc I was always in love with cinema. Who knew that the boyhood dream would one day come true for me and I would be in front of the camera showcasing my talents and entertaining the world. But this road hasn’t been easy. But I can tell you, it is only ‘cause of this journey that I have come so far. Today, my struggles have made me the man I am today. Today, I thank my struggles, ‘cause if it weren’t for them, I would never know what failure and rejection felt like. It was only ‘cause of those struggles that I fight and grinned and came this far. Today, I know I am humble and kind ‘cause I know that everyone out there is fighting his/her own battles. We all have dreams which we want to fulfil. I truly thank the universe for making the man that I am today. For making me strong and caring and reminding me that it is more important to be a good human being than to be anything else.

"Men are like lions. We hunt."

But all that I am saying right now can always be viewed in my interviews on youtube. So what is it that I am trying to say? Well, since I promised you that I will tell you the entire story, it was necessary for you to know where I am before I told you from where I began. And it all began when I first saw the Trailer of The Punisher on yahoo movies. It can be called as an act of randomness or the stroke of fate. But that one Trailer, changed my life. It was from that point on that I was in love with The Punisher and now it has been 10 years that I am still his biggest fan. I believe it was his ideologies and the way he was that connected with me the most. I was very lonely and angry back then and Frank Castle was the only one who saved me. I used to drown myself in his films and games and comics. I even started training like him! The Punisher and me still have that connection and I still remember the promises I made to him all those years ago. I know I may sound border line crazy right now, but trust me when you want a connect, the universe offers it to you. And since that day I have always tried to keep those promises to Frank. And after frank, also came many others. But Hulk, Ghost Rider, Wolverine and Daredevil were always the favourites for me. I know I should be touching Stan Lee’s Feet right now and one day, if I get the opportunity I will but these superheroes had a lot of commonality with me and that is why I considered them family. Slowly slowly my entire life started revolving around these amazing men and the way they were brave and courageous and as each passing day went, I kept on promising them that one day I would make them all proud. But it has taken me 10 years to keep those promises. Something that I am not proud of but as they say, better late than never.

"I'm sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people were talking smack. Every era in HISTORY
has someone talking smack. No way you can have talent and not proclaim your victory."

I have made so many mistakes. And I have stumbled so many times. I have caused pain and I have done things which I thought were ok but in fact weren’t. I do agree that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but the guilt within me was with me for as long as I can remember. Saying sorry wouldn’t had cut it and would definitely not make me enter the gates of heaven. But now, after all the mistakes and wrong deeds, I can say I am more aware. And I have reached to an understanding that from this point on I will never repeat the mistakes of the past. All those promises I made to Frank and the others were all void ‘cause I was a hypocrite. I did everything what I was not supposed to do. And believe it or not, in all these 10 years I, like a fool believed that I was on the right path. Trust me, it has taken me a long time to realise that I was very wrong in my thinking. But now, as I mentioned earlier, I have reached a calmness only because I know that my soul is getting cleansed everyday. That everyday I promise myself that I will never hurt anyone again. That I will stand for what is right and use my power for the good of mankind. But even when I know that come 15th may would be judgement day for me, I remember all those promises like it was just yesterday. Promises Mahaakshay gave to his superheroes. Those heroes who were there for him when no one else was. Those dreams of travelling the world, living life on your own terms, just riding towards the sunset, those dreams are still alive within me. And I know that until I make them come true my soul will always wander. Wander until it reaches its resting place.

"There is something really mysterious about lions. They could rip you apart if they wanted to, but at the same time they LOOK so cuddly. Can you imagine what humans look like to animals? They must think we're so weird."

But I am also human at the end. Am I not? I also have feelings and I really want to love and care and devote myself to the people I cherish. I want to wake up to the bliss and happiness of being loved and giving love in return. It took me a long time to ask for forgiveness and to forgive myself but now I know that I am in the journey of my own redemption. I know today I have responsibilities and today I have reached a place where I can’t be a boy anymore. I know am in the process of becoming a man. And that man, who does hard labour and grinds and gives and sacrifices also wants to be rewarded. And that is why from time to time I try to show care and affection. And it really works. It makes me happy and blushes me up. It makes me feel that I too can be like everybody else. That I too can have normal dreams and moments. But then, as night comes and when I am alone with my thoughts, I get reminded of those promises. When I see The Punisher’s poster on my wall, I instantly remember what I promised him. When I see Daredevil and read Ghost Rider, I am reminded of all those moments I have had with them. I remember everything. And then it hits me. That I was once a dog. I did become a wolf. But now, I have to transform into the Lion. 

"It's better to BE a lion for a day than a sheep all your life."

Greatness requires sacrifice. It demands our blood, sweat and tears and also the wager of our soul. And yes, even though a part of me wants to feel love and be loved and just be normal, the other side of me wants to be alone. For me, or the other side of me being alone is being powerful. A part of me is convinced that only when I am truly alone that I can attain the greatness I have set out to achieve. That is the promise I gave to Frank all those years ago. That I would be just like him. That I would live a life of greatness by sacrificing all that is in front of me, ‘cause if he can do it, then so can I. I know I sound like a confused spirit right now but the truth is, this conflict has always been a part of my life. Just like Johnny Blaze goes through in the Ghost Rider series. I have this constant struggle with my thoughts. That if one side of me gets weak through emotions, the other side of me reminds me how strong I can be. And now, at this threshold of my life, I need to be strong. I need to be powerful and be ready for whatever is in stored for me on the 15th of May. I know I will never go dark again and I will never use hate as my weapon. But I also know even though I feel love, a part of me will always feel the urge to be alone.

"A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep."

So is this the culmination of my story? Is this how it ends? Or is this how it begins? I believe I have only actually started now. It has taken me 10 years of trials to come this far and I know there is no going back now. There is only going forward towards the horizon where my destiny will show me the path I need to take. So I hoped you liked knowing this side of my life also. I will be back with another blog very soon and maybe I may also bump into you someday and that day I want to feel contented with myself ‘cause I know I have been honest here. I have tried to make you understand what Mahaakshay is all about. I am a boy turning into a man. But no matter where I go from this point on, I know I have promises to keep. I know I have things to do and people to prove and battles to win. I thank all those heroes who remind me of my promises and I thank all the people in my life who remind me that even I can love. This battle between two minds is my struggle and it is a part of me. Maybe one day this struggle will end. Maybe it will take a new route. But all I know is that I have promises to keep and I won’t stop until I fulfil them.

"The one excellent thing that can be learned from a lion is that whatever a man intends doing should be done by him with a whole-hearted and strenuous effort."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

And This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Heaven, Hell And The Rider In Between ...

“There will come a time in your life when you will have the power to choose. Not a forced choice or an ultimatum. But true power to choose how you will want to shape your destiny. And that point the man who chooses good becomes godly. And The man who chooses evil becomes monstrous.”
-The Book Of Prophecies.

Michael: Wake up Johnny. Wake up!
Lucifer: No johnny, stay asleep. Never wake up. Stay asleep.
Johnny: Where … where am I? Am I dead? What is this place?
M: This is purgatory johnny. And you aren’t dead. You are just in limbo.
L: Don’t listen to him johnny. He is lying. You are dead now. And you have no other choice but to come to me now.
J: Who are you two? What the hell is going on?!?
M: What is the last thing you remember Johnny? 
J: Only my mom called me Johnny. You can call me John.
L: Even in death, the kid’s got an attitude. I like!
M: What is the last thing you remember … John? Think hard.
J: I … I remember being in my car. I … I was in a rush. Yes, I was going very fast. Yes, I was breaking the signals, I was driving like a maniac!
L: Things which I love to do by the way! 
J: I was behind this huge truck and … and the truck wasn’t giving me any space to go ahead! I was honking and honking and when the truck didn’t budge I accelerated without seeing ahead. And then … and … Oh God!
L: Yes johnny, I mean john … you know what happened next, don’t you!? I will tell you what happened. You crashed you crazy son of a bitch! You crashed right into the car which was coming in the opposite direction! Luckily for you, the driver in the other car survived. I mean, he will eventually live.
J: I am dead. ain’t I?
M: As I said John, you aren’t dead, you are here with us now. Well, at least for the time being.
J: Why am I not dead? I should be dead. Why are you keeping me hear! Answer me!
L: Well john, this is the place where all souls come before ‘The Guy upstairs’ decides what to do with them. And I am Lucifer. The Son who betrayed my father and who was thrown away to the underworld. And this guy over here who is treating you like you are his lost son, is Michael. Michael the angel whom I am ashamed to call my brother as he was the one who banished me to hell all those millenniums ago.
M: Lucifer is right on all of that John. Al though I disagree with the language he uses, what he is stating are the hard facts. You were deep in anger when you roared your car’s engine to life! And then you were driving like you wanted to get killed. And well, you know what all happened next. So here you are. With us, in this Limbo. Waiting to be judged. Judged for all that you have done. And judged for all that you will do from this point on.

"The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven."

A Few Hours Later …

J: This place really in purgatory. Isn’t it? I have been running for miles and there seems to be no end! It’s like I am stuck in a place where time doesn’t exist! 
M: All who have come here have felt the same way you have felt. It is natural to be in state of shock. 
L: Why are we wasting time in trying to know each other? John, this shit is real! This is happening right now and what is more important is what we are about to ask and tell you.
J: And what is that?
M: First you calm down. Take a deep breath.
J: Ok … I am calm. I am ready to listen.
L: Good boy.
J: I am not your boy.
M: Shut it Lucifer. Let me talk.
L: My lips are sealed.
M: John, we know everything about you. We know all that you have done till this very moment. We are angels. The first creation of god himself. And we always were told to listen to what he asked of us. And for centuries we have done that. We have never intervened or interfered in the life of humans. No matter how much love they shared and no matter how much blood they spilled. We have been watching over all of you since the beginning of time. But every now and then God picks one of you. He picks them for a purpose. A purpose which is far more greater than life or death. A purpose which altars the course of human civilisation forever.
L: In other words, Prophets.
M: Yes, prophets. And all of the greats who have shaped history have been here in this limbo, having this very same conversation with us. 
J: You mean … I am a … Prophet? You guys are more screwed up than I am! I am a nobody! I fix cars for a living! I am a loser. No one cares if I lived or I died. I had nobody ok. I … I …
M: You did have somebody John. You had Sarah, didn’t you?
J: Sarah … 
M: Yes, sarah, the only love of your life. We know all about her. She is a substitute teacher at the local high school. She has a kid brother. She works day and night so he can have a good life. Her car broke down one day, right in front of your garage. You were fixing one of those classic Mustangs you are always so much in love with it. But the moment she walked in and asked for your help, you fell in love with her right that moment. You knew that she was the only one you would ever love. And you both did find love in each other. You became her brother, Samuel’s best friend. When she worked you used to play video games with him. And on the weekends you three used to go to the park and have your very own picnic. You were a good man when you were with her.
L: You were a good man until the day came.
J: No … no, please don’t say it. Please don’t remind me of that day.
L: You had gone out of town. You didn’t tell her why. You wanted to surprise her, didn’t you? You wanted to win that Car race so you could buy her that ring and propose to her. Didn’t you? You did win that race. You did buy that ring. But when you came back …
J: Please don’t say it! Please don’t! 
L: You saw her in bed with another man didn’t you? And when you rushed in, she said it was her ex. Did she had a vulnerable moment. That her ex promised to take her back and marry her and take care of samuel and her. You were standing there and listening, weren’t you? You had tears rolling down your eyes but you did nothing. You just went back into your car and then you drove off. Didn’t you?
M: That’s enough lucifer.
L: I think good old john here is finally beginning to understand, aren’t you?
J: Yes, now I know. Now I remember. I remember everything. I always thought I was a loser. I had no friends. I had no one who could understand me and love me and make me happy. Until sarah came along. She was the answer I was looking for. But then, she broke my heart. She … she tore into pieces. She made drive that car. She made me this monster I am. She made this soul trapped in purgatory. Oh! I hate myself! I hate everything! Why me? Why me?!?
L: It is ok John. You are here now. And now, you can harness all that rage. Consume it and make it into a power you never thought you had!
M: Don’t listen to him John. He is only manipulating you. 
J: Maybe, I want to be manipulated.
L: That’s like my boy!

"Remorse: beholding heaven and feeling hell."

J: Take me to hell lucifer. That is where I belong.
M: I know you are in pain right now John. But anger isn’t the solution. Giving in to your hate won’t make the pain go away.
L: What do you know about pain Michael? You are god’s favourite child. 
M: Banishing you from heaven was the most hardest thing for me to do Lucifer. You are my brother and it broke my heart to do what I had to do. And that burden only I will have to carry for all eternity.
L: Oh …
J: I truly loved her, you know. But in the end, she betrayed me. Why?
M: Humans are capable of doing extreme things John. Humans can give in to violence or can have control over their peace.
J: But I never did wrong to anyone! I always kept to myself. I remember in school, all the boys made fun of me. And none of the girls would talk to me. I remember my mom telling me that no matter what the world throws at you, always smile back.
L: But underneath that smile, there was always a hidden anger. Wasn’t there?
J: Yes, there was. I always hated them. No matter how much I smiled on the surface, within, I hated them. And I never forgot what they did to me.
L: That is why you started learning about cars, didn’t you? So that one day you would become a great race driver and shut their pile hole.
J: Yes.
L: But life didn’t turn out the way you wanted too. Did it?
J: No.
L: That is why I am here John. I am here to help you.
J: How can you help me?
L: I can give you purpose again. I can make you use that rage and anger and make you my weapon. I can give you the justice. I can give you the power to Punish all those who made you suffer. I can make you the Demon all demons fear!
M: I know that Lucifer’s offer is tempting John. But just the way Lucifer has seen your hate, I have seen the good in you.
J: There is no good in me.
M: There has always been good in you John. Remember three years ago, when you were crossing the road and you saw an old lady getting hit by a car? You saved her, didn’t you? Even though you didn’t know her. You took her to the hospital. You gave her blood and you also paid for her bills even though you were already low on cash. That goodness doesn’t come from hate. It comes from love. So no matter how tempting Lucifer’s offer sounds, I want you to be a part of heaven’s army. I want you to be Messiah of heaven!
L: I have seen what happens to souls when they go to heaven. It is all bright and calm and sun rises and sun sets. But with me, in hell, I offer you it all. All the addiction, all the seduction, all the power and all the darkness a man can observe. And it never stops there! With me by your side, you live forever!
M: You are better than this John. I have seen it in you. I have seen the light within you. Amongst all that hate and fury, there was always a stillness in you. Always a part of you that was good.
J: One of you wants me to be the demon of demons and the other wants me to be a Messiah. Ok. It looks like I have made my choice.

"To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven."

J: Lucifer, when you reminded me of all the anger I have had, I actually remembered that even though I was always angry, I never used it to hurt anyone. All I did was hurt myself by keeping it in. And Michael when you reminded me of that old lady at the street, all I could feel was resentment and guilt ‘cause I had no power to avenge the pain that was caused to her. You both say I am a messiah. You both say that god chose me. So now, I say that I choose None of You.
M: What?
L: Come again?
J: You heard me, I choose neither. Neither heaven and neither hell. I choose to stay here in this purgatory until I make right of all that I have seen wrong. I know god is listening also. So you both tell him that I am staying right here.
M: Do you know what will happen to you if you say No? Your soul will be trapped in limbo forever!
L: You will be stuck here, all alone for all eternity! We are giving you a way out.
J: And that is what I don’t want. A way out. All my life I never dealt with the goodness or the evil in me. But now I will.
M: You will be sent back to earth! But not as yourself anymore. You will be … a ….a deformity!
L: Half Hell, Half Heaven.
J: All Rider!
M & L: …
J: Oh yeah, you heard me. I am going to be the Rider of earth. I am going to take your vengeance Lucifer and I will take your power to heal Michael and fuse it together and ride the earth for all eternity. I will now do what I was meant to do all those years ago.
M: This isn’t making any sense. This isn’t how it was suppose to be!
J: Everyone goes through hardships in life. Everyone’s heart’s gets broken. And all humans are deceived and hurt. But that doesn’t give us the right to hurt each other. I know it was my fault that I wasn’t good enough for Sarah. I have guilt that I let my mom die. I have rage that I couldn’t do things that I wanted to do. But now, I have a second chance. And I will make sure I fix the things I left unfinished. 
L: Why carry this burden?
J: Because I know I can. And I will. 
M: But you will be alone. You will have no one.
J: All my life I wanted people to look at me and talk to me and most importantly, understand me. But no one did. Today, that thought doesn’t make me angry. It makes me realise that I was meant to be alone to begin with. That some people just are.
M: What you are about to do is something no one has ever done before.
J: That doesn’t matter. What matters is what I have realised. What I am feeling right now. When I go back to earth. I promise to never hurt another soul again. And I promise to avenge the innocent. I know the price of this burden. That I will forever ride alone in the wilderness. But I will keep on going until I can’t any longer. I will fight until there is a single ounce of energy left in my body. I will be a ghost hiding in the darkness. I will be a stranger who’s name people would never remember. But no matter the pain and guilt this loneliness will give me, I will bare it. I will not quit. And I will do what I am set out to do. So hear this Lucifer and Michael, I am not the slave of good or evil anymore. I am a free man. I will not be tempted by lust or greed or darkness and I won’t be softened by love or compassion. I will do what is right ‘cause in the end, that is all that matters.

"Free will carried many a soul to hell, but never a soul to heaven."

Bravo John! Bravo!
John: Who was that?
Lucifer: It can’t be! He has never spoken to any soul before!
Michael: Well, he is now.
God: John, I am God.
John: So you heard what I said?
God: Yes I did. And to be honest I didn’t expect you to do what you are setting out in doing.
John: Oh Okie.
God: Before you go, I just want you to know that I have believed in you. That I was there, every step of the way. I saw your every move and I knew that one day, this moment would come. And today it has.
John: I am not changing my mind.
God: I have always given humans the choice of free will. If this is what you think is right then it shall be done. But do remember that I am very proud of you.
John: Thank you. I guess that’s the only thing appropriate to say now.
God: Your welcome John.
John: Uuuhhh … before I go, I just wanted you to know that your sons, Michael and Lucifer really love each other as much as they still love you. They may not show it but they still do. They are just too stuck up too admit it.
Michael: Ya right!
Lucifer: Jerk.
God: Thank you for telling me that John.
John: Oh ya and just one more thing.
God: What is it John?
John: I want My Ride.
God: :-)

"We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And I Am The Rider.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Sunday, 22 February 2015

Putting The 'H' In Zero ...

"In the end, it all comes down to the choice that you make. There, at the very bottom of the pit, in the depth of darkness, you are left with only two choices. Either to stay there, lost, beaten and destroyed. Or to rise like the Burning Phoenix."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

So where do I begin? Do I tell you how I got here? Or should I start from where it all began? I honestly don’t know ‘cause I don’t know whether I have the power to motivate you or scare you. I don’t know whether my words will ever be understood by you. And I don’t know if my thoughts will ever make sense. But what I do know is that everybody fights. We all are fighting a never-ending war. The war to win. The war to make our dreams come true. The war to fit into society. And the War to just matter. So why would you want to read this blog? I have been labelled as a Star Kid, a Baboon and a Washed-Up Nobody who thinks he still has a chance. Why would you want to read these lines anyways? I will tell you why. ‘Cause underneath that thick exterior of yours, you know that I am just like you. You know that you and me are not so different. That in the end you and I have the same goal … To Survive. 

"Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek."

I just turned 30 a few months ago. I remember an episode of Friends in which Jennifer Aniston’s character aka Rachel turns 30 and when she does realise it, in the birthday party thrown by her friends, she actually gets depressed that she has gotten old. That scene has been fixated in my brain since the very first time I saw it and I somehow started to believe that I would feel that exact same way. But when I did turn 30 and when I was surrounded by my friends and family and the people who loved me, I actually kinda liked it. And not only because I was surrounded in happiness but also because I realised that after all the mishaps and the wrongs and the failures I am still here. Did you read that? I said I am Still Here! So what does that make me? Well, it makes me just like you. it makes me a Survivor. A man who has seen defeat. A man who has been laughed at. And a man who wasn’t given a fair chance. But a Man who just never learned to give up. I am just like you. And you are just like me. You just don’t know it yet. :-)

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

Hollywood, Bollywood, Tollywood, Kollywood and whichever other ‘Woods’ there are out there, I know what they offer. I know how they lure us. I know what magic they possess. ‘Cause I have seen it. I saw it since the 1st day I was born. Both of my parents are from the Film Industry and the Surname I possess requires me to never introduce myself. I am the 1st in line among 4 and it rests upon me to carry on the torch what my Mother and Father have so proudly withheld for so long. As a son, it is my life-long dream to make them feel proud of me and I want to give my family all the happiness in the world. And even though I have faltered in more ways than one to make my dreams come true, in the core, I always knew that My intentions were true. That they mattered and even today, my dreams are still the very same they were when I first felt goosebumps. But what does a man do when he gets beaten up, every single time? What does he do when he still has to wait for a Fair Opportunity? Does he quit? Does he run? Or does he Fight back. I think me writing this blog gives you the answer that I chose to Fight back rather than quit or run. 

"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way."

But this blog ins’t about me to be honest. It isn’t either a shallow attempt to gain your sympathy or earn your respect. This blog is about YOU. Yes. It is about you. ‘Cause when I see in the mirror and when that reflection looks back at me, I only hear these words, “Fight back! Fight Back! Fight Back!” And that is what I have been doing since the last 9 years! Fighting back. Every time I was laughed at I fought back. Every time I was spat at, I fought back and every time I was forgotten I fought back. Just like you have. Believe me, no matter how hard it may be for you right now to believe this, you coming this far after all the challenges that you have faced proves only one thing and that is that you are a Certified Bad-Ass! That’s right you heard me say it! A Certified Bad-Ass! You are human just like me but you have a Soul Of Iron. You may cry just like me but you have the Will of the Gods and you may feel defeat just like me but you have the drive of a Hero. So my friends, no matter people may call you. Whether it is a loser, an ass, or a never-will-be, remember, only YOU have the power to remove the ‘Z’ from the Zero and put a ‘H’ in the Hero. 

"I'll always use the negativity as more motivation to work even harder and become even stronger."

Nobody got it easy. Nobody ever will. All you have to do is get back up again. And trust me when your times comes, which I know it will, you will be ready for it. All soldiers are trained for battle but only the chosen few, Embrace it. I want YOU to embrace this. Embrace who you are. Embrace the struggle, embrace the rejections, embrace the chances lost. Embrace everything. And then use that power. Use that power to see who you truly are. We all have Goodness in us. But evil has it’s ways of making us believe that we aren’t worthy. But I tell you, evil is wrong ‘cause I have looked evil in the eye and I have won. I came back a better man, a stronger man and an honest man. It takes balls to stand by the truth. It takes balls to stick to your ideals and it takes some serious balls to sacrifice all that is in front of you to achieve all that you have dreamed off. So stick to it. Don’t quit ‘cause as Rocky said, “Nothing Beats You Harder Than Life”! But we have to keep fighting! We have to keep on believing that WE matter and together you and I can make our dreams come true. I remember during JIMMY I was reckless and I didn’t take care of Myself and for that I paid the price and for the next 2 years I was at home doing nothing. And then I got a chance to redeem myself with HAUNTED. But when Haunted clicked my Ego came into play and I became an Ass and for that I was again Punished. Then came ENEMMY in which I had put my hopes and dreams and I was convinced that after Enemmy there was no going back for me. But then again, destiny knew I wasn’t ready and yet again left me unemployed for 2 years. Now, finally I have this chance again in ISHQEDARRIYAAN. A movie I got completely out of the blue and straight out of luck. But I never considered myself to be lucky. I considered myself to be ready. And do you know why? After the failure of Enemmy I promised myself that I would never let one day go to waste. So I cried and I wept for days and then I wiped my tears away. I got up, looked myself in the mirror and said, “Let’s get to work!” 

"When you look at people who are successful, you will find that they aren't the people who are motivated, but have consistency in their motivation."

And that was 2 years ago. Since that day, I have made myself use to a plan. A plan of Giving and Investing time on myself. I scheduled myself with the hours of the day and broke my day down into segments. Whether it is my 30mins walks, my Mixed Martial Arts Training or My Diction and Voice Practice, I made time for them all. And now, when Ishqedarriyaan is only a few months away from release, I am upgrading my game plan. I have just started training with one of the best personal trainers Bollywood has to offer, {I am keeping that a secret until the time comes} I am making my own food, whether it is my Protein Shakes or my fruit smoothies or my grilled chicken breasts. I am also doing two Online Courses, one in Creative Writing from Gotham Writers and one in Astro-Biology from Coursera which is from the University of Arizona. I also have challenged myself to read 12 books in a year, {I know that’s less but it’s my 1st attempt} and I am already in my 4th book. I am investing more and more time in myself. And I know that investing time on myself means that I won’t be able to give time to others. But a promise is a promise and I standing by it. I hope, that slowly slowly, all the people I know understand that my dreams are more important to me than moments spent with them. And in time, they come to respect that. So today I stand at the crossroads Of Time waiting for an answer from Destiny. But until Destiny gives me my answer, I will give and I will sacrifice and I will push and I will never give up. And everyday I will remind myself that I will always have many idols who I will look up to but I will be My Own Hero.

"There's always the motivation of wanting to win. Everybody has that. But a champion needs, in his attitude, a motivation above and beyond winning."

So before I go all I wanna say is thank you! Yes. Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for always being there. You may think why I am thanking you and how we are connected. Well, we have one common link and that link will always bind us together. Our WILL. Yes. Our will to always fight back. Our will to never give up. Our will to look at Destiny in the eyes and tell her that we aren’t going anywhere. That no matter how much destiny tests us, we will triumph. We will not go silent in the night. We will not pack our bags and go home and face defeat. We will grind, we will crawl, we will scratch our way but we will at the end of the day see the light! So dear readers, always remember that we matter. Our dreams matter. Our ideals matter. Our sacrifices matter. And yes, we all destined for greatness and yes, our time will come. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in the path that you have chosen to walk on. Have faith in your dreams and never stop. I know the road to success ins’t easy. it is filled with hardships and trials. But gather all your will. Gather all your strength and get back up! You heard me, Get Up! ‘Cause every Hero was once a Zero. But that Zero refused to ever give up. :-)

"I think it all comes down to motivation. If you really want to do something, you will work hard for it."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. And I am Putting My ‘H’ In Zero.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 21 January 2015

War Daddy ...

“All Men Go To War. Only Few Embrace It.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

There was a time when I used to post blogs every week. That phase of mine was only three years ago. But now, I don’t do that anymore. I guess back then all I wanted was attention from people who didn’t even care of my existence. Or maybe it was just my fear and insecurities which were telling me to ‘Post Every Week’. I look back at myself and only laugh at my own immaturities. This proves that in time all men evolve. And the wise amongst us understand this growth and only become better. I know I am a billon miles away from actually becoming a ‘Good’ person but I do know that I am on the right path to be so. Hope you all liked my last blog, ‘World War P’. I have decided that from this point on, one blog will be Fictional and the other will be Non-Fictional. This way, I can make my Fictional Writing a little better and also express myself and talk about my Evolution. Balance you see, Balance. I am a firm believer in it. And why do I believe in Balance? Well, ‘cause for starters the entire universe works in a certain balance and without that balance there is only chaos and I know that no one likes chaos. But balance works both ways. You give, only to be given. And when you aren’t given, you feel a void. A void which can’t be filled. But what if I tell you that I have found a way to fill that void? What if I tell you that you are the answer to all your questions? What if I tell you that once you embrace who you are, you feel complete? What if I tell you that once you realise that you are alone in your fight and war, you just don’t become a bad-ass … You become a War Daddy

"Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."

Betrayal. It is a harsh word, isn’t it? No one wants to feel betrayed. Betrayal just doesn’t cause us hurt, it causes us a pain unimaginable. And we feel more pain and anguish when we come to know that we were betrayed by the ones we love. No wonder Treachery is the worst and deadliest of all sins and is found in the last and ninth circle of Hell! Well, betrayal is what I am feeling now. Of course, I would love to spill out all the details and disclose all the names and the people and the incidents behind this betrayal of mine but I know that by doing that I won’t be any different from the people who have betrayed me. I have a choice now. To either unleash a Fury scorched and fuelled by vengeance or to either stay still and become silent. I choose the latter. Why the Silence you ask? Well, ‘cause for all these years the only thing I have been doing is screaming for people to understand me and not let the pain come back. But all those attempts have only proved to me that people are flawed and they are selfish even though they don’t admit they are and they will always and I mean always choose their own happiness and priorities over yours. Don’t get me wrong, I am a selfish prick also. In fact, one of the worst out there but I know there was always a part of me which wanted to give and whenever I did give I felt happy. Happy in giving my time to others. Happy in helping others. Happy in surrendering my feelings and joys and fears with others. But all I am left with right now is a dark anger and a whole world of hurt. I want to confront them. I want to tell them how much pain they have caused me. I want them to feel this pain and anger also. But I know I won’t. I know I will choose to burn alone. I know I will choose to keep this wrath inside of me. For people whom I have hurt in the past, this is a victory lap as for them Karma has finally succeeded and I am being punished for my sins. But you know me, I will use these emotions. I will remember everyday the pain I have been caused. And I will use all that anger as my fuel. I will consume myself with all that hatred. I will give in to my darkness. And from a boy who just wanted to fight and win the race, I will become a man who will embrace his war and become a War Daddy.

"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory."

Someone very close to me told me a while ago that all this War and Fighting are just my Immaturities and signs of me never willing to 'Grow Up'. Of course, at that point of time I was heartbroken by what I had heard. But today, after this time in my solitude, I understand that people never actually got the facts right. They never could really decipher the code. They never could actually solve the puzzle that is Me. Yes, some of them loved. Some of them truly loved. But you see, loving is not enough. Love isn’t the ultimate answer or the strongest weapon a person can have. A person is only complete when he or she truly understand themselves. When they truly consume themselves. And when they truly accept themselves or the people who matter to them. Today, I know I have understood myself and the people with whom I come in contact with on a daily basis. Today, I know who I am and I know what I am good at. I am the Lone Wolf. The Ronin who walks alone the path which is in front of him. The man who embraces his War and comes out a Giant. And in my defence I know I have tried. In all these years, I have tried so hard to fit in. To mingle. To be social. To be ‘chilled out’ and take each day as it comes. To be ‘Normal’ as they say. But every time I have ventured into the world of the social man I have felt a tingle inside of me. Like a nerve in my brain twitching and telling me that I am not complete by fitting in. A voice screaming inside of me and reminding me that I was born to stand out. And after all these years of trial and error I have finally come to the conclusion that I am in fact a War Daddy. Whether it is my competitive spirit  or my ‘Never-Give-Up’ attitude, I know that I am the man who loves to fight. And a man who loves his war. A man who deserves the title of War Daddy.

"To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace."

So what is a War Daddy? Is he the courageous leader which Brad Pitt portrayed in Fury? Or is he the Silent yet Lethal Sniper Chris Kyle which Bradley Cooper played with an exceptional performance in American Sniper? For me, a War Daddy is a man who is a combination of both. A man who is so tuned with himself that he realises that all he needs is his War and his will to Fight. That is what a War Daddy truly is and that is who I wanna be. Now, I have reached a stage of complete knowingness of myself. I am now calmer than I have ever been. And most importantly I am now Self-Reliable. I always wanted to be Self-Reliable. I always wanted to be Self-Dependant but at the back of my head, I always knew that I wasn’t strong enough. That when negativity and sadness clouded me, I always gave in to care, support and love from others. But recently I went through a Transitional phase for the very first time in my life and at that time, I truly needed those people. The people who always ’Stood’ besides me. Who were always ‘There’ for me. But as you guessed, no one was there. Even though that may seem sad, it was an eye-opener for me. It was somewhat of a Revelation for me. And after I went through that, I promised myself that I will never hurt anyone again and neither will I ever let anyone else hurt me again, no matter even if I have to be alone for the rest of my life for it. I have come to realise now that all the Choices we make define us and make us who we are. And that is why I have made the decision, {FINALLY} to fight this war on my own. And since I have made that decision, I know a power in me has been unleashed and for the first time in my life and I am seeing the power that I possess. They say, “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.” I have made my choices and I have chosen my path. I don’t choose to be a Mere Mortal. I choose to be a War Daddy.

"If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War."

A person I knew who was once suffering from cancer told me that I am a spoilt brat and that I don’t cherish my life. Oh, how much I wish to show her that I am now finally happy. Happy in my own solitude. Happy in my war. So does this blog change anything? Does this blog awaken the truth in you? I don’t know. And I may never know. But I hope it does. I hope you become stronger than you were yesterday. I hope you become a Good person. I hope you never hurt anyone and never get hurt again. I hope the universe blesses you with abundance and joy and prosperity. And I hope that in the end, you find peace. Today is a Wednesday night. The worker bees must be dead tired from work while the younglings must be waiting to paint the town red. Me on the other hand, I am home. I mean, I choose to be home in my own solitude. I am already planning my tomorrow. I have always been called a ‘Planner’ and too ‘Organised’ to enjoy the life bestowed upon me. But I see it otherwise. I see myself as a man on a mission. A mission to become the very best version of myself. I see myself grinding and giving and sacrificing everything that I have and that I am to achieve my dreams. I envision the Perfect Mahaakshay in the mirror. The man who faced the trials of life, who faced all the hardships and the man who in the end triumphed, All By Himself. So yes, for me, I am a War Daddy. I am in love with my War. I am in love with the joy of Fighting. I am in love with this Purity in me. I am in love with this Loneliness. Here in this battlefield is where I truly find myself. This is the place where I roar. There is where I am the King. This is where I was meant to be. And I will fight. Until there is a single ounce of fight left in me, I will fight and I will never stop. I will not quit. And I will never give up.

"I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty. But now, you can call me War Daddy.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.