Monday, 31 August 2015

The Silent Prayer ...

“And then the mortal shall venture into the unknown. He will see what his fate has in stored for him. He will feel fear and excitement. He will be thrilled, just like a young boy at christmas morning. He will know deep down in the very depths of his soul that this is how his life play out now. This venture into the unknown will be the gateway to his greatness. Only alone, through facing his fears and embracing his true potential will he become one of the elite. That is how he will become one of us.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 

I am nervous. I am scared. I am thrilled and I am excited. Basically all emotions wrapped up into one. I mean, this is really happening you know! I am finally going for Fight Camp and not just for a week but for an entire month! This is unknown territory for me and that is why it is so exciting for me. This is the very 1st time in my life I am going on an adventure! For a month I will be by myself, I will be training day in and day out and every day I will find myself. For all those years those voices in my head which screamed for this moment are now dancing. They are so happy and delighted that this is happening! I am truly grateful to the universe and to my parents for this opportunity. And truth to be told, no matter how grateful I can be and the billions of thanks I give to my parents and to the universe, they won’t be enough to justify my joy! Thank you thank you thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart! This is pure joy. Like the pure of the purest of joys! :-)

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

Very soon I will be at Tiger Muay Thai and Mma Fight Camp where people from all around the world will be training and preparing and focused on changing themselves for the better. I have always thrived in competition and in those group classes over there I will find many with whom I can compete with. Whether they are punching, kicking or running, I know I will find many who will motivate me to push my limits to the next level. This is truly next level shit for me and this is what I need now. I know Coach’s gym will be open by the time I come back but for the month of September I am going to push my boundaries. Training isn’t only about your physical limitations. It is also about the mental attitude you have while running in the scorching heat or kicking the bag so hard that your legs are burning in pain. It is all about convincing yourself that yes you can and you will! 

"In my deepest, darkest moments, what really got me through was a prayer. Sometimes my prayer was 'Help me.' Sometimes a prayer was 'Thank you.' What I've discovered is that intimate connection and communication with my creator will always get me through because I know my support, my help, is just a prayer away."

This opportunity has been given to me and I know that a part of me has even earned the right to go there. But the journey doesn’t end there. In fact, it only begins when I reach TMT {Tiger Muay Thai}. I have a huge responsibility on my shoulders. I have many promises to keep. To my parents, to the universe and to myself. This is a dream coming true and I have to do whatever it takes to make sure that I do what all I have planned to do in the coming 30 days. That thought surely gives me goosebumps as all eyes are on me. But as long as I can remember, I have never backed down from a fight and this is one of the most important fights of my life. Why is it that you ask? Well, ‘cause this time my dreams are on the line and I have to show it to the people I love and care for that My Dreams Do Matter.

"God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability. Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers."

So I pray. I pray in the stillness of the night. I look up and tell the universe to be with me and to give me strength to push, push and push and to never stop. I pray to show me the light. I pray that I become a better human being. That when I train I never stop. That everyday I only evolve and become more calmer through my aggression. I pray that I use all my anger and rage as a force of good not as a seed to evil. I pray that in the darkness of the night I find hope not isolation. I pray that everyday over there I seek and find what I am looking for. I pray that my prayers are answered. I pray that I find the courage to face the realities of my life and to overcome all obstacles. I pray that I glow even in times of complete blackness. I pray that I never stop and only keep moving forward. I pray that I make my family proud of the decision that they made for me to go to Fight Camp and I pray that when they see me again they see a transformed Me, both physically and mentally. I pray that I use my fears as a tool towards success. I pray that I become so contended that I never have to feel anger, misery or rage again. I pray that I find the peace I am looking for. And I pray that from the bottom of my heart that Fate meets me in this glorious journey that I am about to take.

"'Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Silent Prayer.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

PS. In my previous blog I had mentioned that I would be in touch with my regular blog updates but I can’t promise that as all depends on my training and the classes I take and the amount of time I am engrossed in my training. So until next time, thank you for being there for me and reading my blogs and being a part of my journey. I know one day my time will come. One day I will make you all proud of me. I know that for some it takes years while others get at the beginning. I know it has been 9 years for me here but I can say that I am still here and I know that I am meant to be here and no matter what happens I am not going to quit. I am never going to give up, no matter how hard it gets. Failures can't stop and pain will only make me stronger. I am here 'cause I know I belong here and one day my time to shine in the sun will come. Until then I will do what I do best. I will raise my sword and shield and I will fight!

I need all the blessings and prayers I can get. :-)


Saturday, 29 August 2015

The Little BIG Chapters Of My Life ...

“So finally, after all the trials and the errors of his human heart, the mortal we chose will realise his power. He will know what he is destined for. And it won’t be the normality that life will offer. It won’t be the Barbeque grill or the beers or the laughs. It will be the quest to find himself. The journey of the soul. The path of the lone wolf. And when he does embrace this journey of his, he will be changed forever. He will become unique. He will become One Of Us.”

-The Book Of Prophecies. 

The Last Of Us …

I feel so proud to be one of the billions who had the chance to play such an amazing game! I have always been a gamer but now, after playing The Last Of Us I can proudly say that I am The Gamer! The Last Of Us is by far one of the best games I have ever played! Every moment was engrossing and thrilling! I was so addicted to the game and even though I wanted to finish the game at the same time I never wanted the game to end! Whether it was the amazing upgrades you get for your weapons or the beautiful scenery the developers designed or whether it was the realistic fight sequences, the game was truly epic! I really wish they make a sequel of the game! Yes, I want the characters to return. I want more upgrades and I want to feel that excitement to play the game again! But if there ever comes a time when I do survive an apocalypse I know I would make the same choices and fight as hard to survive as the characters in the game did. There is something amazing about living in a world like that. A world where 24/7 your survival instincts are on. I guess for a War Junkie like me it would feel just like home. But for now, I am just as happy playing the amazing game with a remote in my hands. :-)

"Consciously or not, we are all on a quest for answers, trying to learn the lessons of life. We grapple with fear and guilt. We search for meaning, love, and power. We try to understand fear, loss, and time. We seek to discover who we are and how we can become truly happy."

Lucifer …

Do you know there is a show called Lucifer premiering next year? I did see the Trailer and as soon as I did I was rushed with excitement! I mean how cool is that! Not only did Supernatural show how amazing Lucifer was but now they have a show solely dedicated to the Bad-Ass of all angels! I can’t wait for it to start! Trust me, when you watch the trailer you will agree with me. I mean he is Lucifer, the most mis-understood angel of all but now he is fed up from hell and has taken a break and come to earth and al though he carries all the 9 circles of sins with him, he is still here on earth helping humans in his own devilish way! Yes, I do see myself in him. I always thought I was mis-understood and maybe that is why I feel the connection with him and watching all those episodes and see Lucifer Kick-Ass would be a pure delight! Lucifer … please start soon! :-)

"If those committed to the quest fail, they will be forgiven. When lost, they will find another way. The moral imperative of humanism is the endeavor alone, whether successful or not, provided the effort is honorable and failure memorable."

The Office …

I was always in love with The Office which starred Ricky Gervais and I till today I wish that it had more than 2 seasons. But now, recently I have started watching the American Version of The Office starring Steve Carrell and I must say that I am hooked! I am right now in the 3rd season and I am happy to know that is has 9 seasons in total! Every night I laugh my ass off before I shut my eyes and venture off into dreamland. The actors are par excellence and their comic timing is to die for! This show is a must for all ‘cause I do know that we all deserve a laugh now and then. :-)

"Man is wise and constantly in quest of more wisdom; but the ultimate wisdom, which deals with beginnings, remains locked in a seed. There it lies, the simplest fact of the universe and at the same time the one which calls forth faith rather than reason."

Dubsmash …

Whoever created the Dubsmash app, I salute you! It was a genius move and today the app is a worldwide phenomena! Each and everyone has recorded and tried something or the other while using the app and when I caught the bug of the Dubsmash App I knew that I would for a very long time be addicted to it. And now, Me, My brothers and their friends are somewhat celebrities on the App! Whether it is the comments we get on our instagram page or whether it is people coming up to us and actually telling us that we make funny dubsmash videos is truly a very good feeling! I am completely in love with the app and if given a choice I would love to make a Dubsmash video everyday. Funny or serious. Dialogue or song, dubsmash is the app for all! :-)

"Clarity and consistency are not enough: the quest for truth requires humility and effort."


Disturbed has been my favourite Rock band for ages now! I think I have heard their song ’Stupify’ at least a million times and their other song ‘Indestructible’ a close second! Their music completes me. And there can’t be any better band for me than Disturbed. And now, they have come up with their Brand New Album titled Immortalized. It is available on iTunes right now and if you are a rock lover then this album is for you. You should hear ‘The Vengeful One’, ‘The Light’ and ‘The Sound Of Silence’. Oh yeah, they are my top three songs from the album. The Vengeful One tops my list ‘cause if you listen to the lyrics, you will agree with me also. The lyrics have power and meaning and a message only a band as beautiful as Disturbed can. And The Vengeful one relates a lot with The Punisher so my connection with the song is deeper than just guitars and drums. This album is a must-hear for all rockers! Download now! :-)

"The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness."

Country Music …

I know I know, this is a complete opposite of Rock Music but for as long as I can’t remember but I have always loved Country music. Maybe it is the two opposites sides of the spectrum thing that ticks me the right way. I mean on one side I have this amazing rock band expressing their feelings with an electronic guitar and on the other side I hear these talented musicians talking about their first crush and beer in a smooth melody. I still don’t know why I love Country music so much. Maybe it is the fascination that one day I will go to America and wear a Cowboy hat and take part in the small town festivals and eat Chicken Wings and have Beer. Or maybe the music just touches the right chords in me. To be honest, I don’t know yet but what I do know that if after Rock there is any other Music Genre which I really love, then it is Country Music. :-)

"The longest journey is the journey inwards. Of him who has chosen his destiny, Who has started upon his quest for the source of his being."

The Bodyholics Combine Training Studio …

I have been training with Abbas Ali since February. And now, after 6 months of training with him, I can say it was one of the best decisions I have ever made! He is truly one of the best trainers out there and now we share a bond of family and brotherhood than of a coach and a client. I look up to him and always listen to his advice. In fact, the entire Bodyholics team is like Family for me. Whether it is the-always-ripped Mayank or the Serious-Yet-Funny guy Nadir or the Woman who keeps the Bodyholics foundation strong-Vedu, the bodyholics team is a part of my daily life. So you can imagine how happy and excited I am that Coach is now coming up with his own Combine Training Studio! Oh ya, you heard me, the very first Combine Training Studio! People have already started enrolling into it and everyone is also talking about it. Any gym and every gym has heard the news that by September 3rd week or so the Studio will be open for it’s members and the talks are that it is truly state-of-the-art! Well, I have already seen the place. Coach has given the complete layout and trust me, I am not over-exaggerating but truly and with all seriousness the Bodyholics Combine Training Studio is next-level and whoever wants to be the part of the elite should join right away! I know I already have. :-)

"The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers."

Tiger Muay Thai and Mma …

Dream. Come. True!!! I am speechless! I am so excited and I am so happy! I am actually going to the Fight Camp! I am over-joyed and whenever I think about how amazing it will be there my face just lights up! I will be there for a month and I will get a chance to take my training to the next level! I really should thank my parents for giving me this opportunity and letting me live my dream! You must have known by now that I have always loved Fighting and Testing my limits both mentally and physically! And now, I have that opportunity! I will be Training, Eating and Staying inside the Camp and will be training for nearly 5-6 hours a day! I can just keep on talking about this amazing adventure of the human spirit I am about to start in just a few days but what I am thinking is that I will try to update the world with my blogs everyday when I am there. I do agree that the blogs maybe one or two paragraphs long but I believe that, that way you will see the experience I am having there on a daily basis. Whether it is Muay Thai or Mma or even Brazilian Jui-Jitsu, they have everything at camp! They train early in the mornings even in the late evenings. They have beach workouts and also Cross-Fit and even the Toughest Boot Camp Training in Asia! Can you imagine GSP {George St. Pierre} has also trained at Tiger Mma! You can sense my excitement right now, can’t you? So imagine how I will be when I will be in the camp! :-) As I said earlier, I really thank my parents for giving me this opportunity and believing in me and also thanks to my siblings for supporting me in this venture. And I should also deeply thank the universe for this! This has been one of greatest dreams I ever had and in a span of just a few days it will be true! Yes, I am going there to push my limits. Yes, I am going there to transform. But more importantly I am going there to find myself. Yes, in the midst of Training and Blood, Sweat and Tears and all the Muscle Soreness I know I will find the thing that I am looking for. That answer to my question. That path which is laid infant of me. That Greatness which only a Lone Wolf can have. 

"Join me in my quest for a greater understanding of our existence. Join me in my desire for a greater self. Join me as I seek the humility to love and understand my fellow man."

So there you have it. The Little BIG Chapters of my life. I guess it is small things which lead up to the big things. Every chapter written here has impacted me in a spiritual level and every thing that I have written here is a part of me. A very dear part of me. I thank you all once again for reading my blogs and spreading the word. As mentioned earlier, I will try my best to be in touch when I go to camp. Maybe I will write a Blog everyday or maybe I won’t write at all. Maybe I will post videos and tweet about the entire amazing adventure or maybe i will just change and become The Warrior who stays in the shadows. Life is amazing. We just need to see the miracles that happen to us everyday. We need to have the courage to step out and beyond our comfort zone and go looking for that what defines us. I know I am doing it right now. I wish you do it also. We all are blessed in some way or the other. And we all should should be Grateful about it, one way or another. :-)

"I feel the older I get, the more I'm learning to handle life. Being on this quest for a long time, it's all about finding yourself."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and these are the Little BIG Chapters of My Life … :-)

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

PS. Somethings in this life are truly worth fighting for! :-)


Saturday, 1 August 2015

The Number 31 ...

All men die. That is how they have been created. But what matters is what they do while they are still alive. We write this book foreseeing the future of humanity. And we have foreseen the end of it. We have seen how man will eventually destroy himself. We have seen how greed will tear everyone apart and how jealousy will make the world burn. We have seen how emotions can weaken men. We have seen how Power can corrupt anything it touches. But we have also seen ‘The One’. Who is ‘The One’ you ask? He is just like you. And he lives amongst you. But what makes him so special is that at a very crucial time in his life he will realise who he truly is. And that realisation won’t come from love or friendship or bonds that unite. It will come from knowing the nothingness. The blackness within and stillness within his soul. And when he does accept who he is, his entire world will be changed forever.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

I don’t write that many blogs anymore. It has been more than a month since my last blog entry. There was a time when I use to write an entry every week. But now I guess I don’t have much to express. I know it is strange of me to say that but that is the truth and I have accepted that. Before, it was all about me trying to make my voice heard by everyone. Now, I don’t feel that necessity anymore. I guess turning 31 makes you feel like that. Or maybe it is all the life experiences combined till now that make you realise that in the end all you have to be is Self-Sufficient. What is self-sufficient you ask? Well, according to me, it is the ability to be contended with one’s own self. I know I will be sounding like a hypocrite right now but the truth is that for a while I have been feeling this way. And now, I have gotten used to it. Yes. I really love my own company! Even right now, I am all alone in my house writing this blog. Of course, my bros and sis will be arriving in some time with their friends but until they come, I know I can enjoy every amount of this solitary peace given to me. And no, I didn’t celebrate my birthday this year. I in fact, really liked the peace and quit. I liked it so much that I even refused to pick up calls from the people who wanted to wish me! I was like, “I am 31 now! I want to feel like I am 31.” I know I must be wrong according to many people for being this way but this state of being really makes me very happy. In fact, I am also very proud of myself. Proud why you ask, well, ‘cause for the 1st time in my life I am abiding the promise I gave to the universe and to Frank all those years ago. The promise of being non-dependant on others. And the power to be completely self-sufficient. In other words, transforming into a Lone Wolf.

"Experience is the only prophecy of wise men."

I don’t remember the last time I cried. You know, that crying which is either triggered by a sudden hurt or a surprised feeling of joy. I don’t remember when I had tears rolling down my cheeks. My pet Wrinkle, who was very close to me passed away. I didn’t cry then. Same happened when my pets Tiger and Chewbacca passed away also. And I also didn’t cry when Ishqedarriyaan didn’t click. I just looked at the mirror and then told myself, “Get Up and fight back.” And now, that is what I do. Day in and day out I test myself. Day in and day out I try to make myself better. And day in and day out I become stronger. So strong that no one can have the power to ever hurt me again. Even my weekly time table is a ’Self-Involved’ time table. Get Up, have coffee, eat breakfast, leave for the gym. Train, then eat, then read, then do mma. Then take a bath, have dinner, watch tv, play video games, watch a movie, do my online course, read on my kindle, go to sleep. Repeat the same training cycle for 6 days a week. Rest and recover on sundays. Get back to training on monday. And this schedule of mine is only giving me progress. A self-sufficeint progress. I am very happy to say I have one of the best trainers out there {Abbas Ali} and getting trained by him and understanding what fitness truly is, is a reward in itself. He pushes me and I always feel a personal high when gym members come up to me and congratulate me on my transformation and also the lovely comments I get on the social media platforms. All of this combined only convinces me that I can do a lot more. And that is why I have enrolled myself into a Dance class. The Advanced level of Urban Hip-Hop. I believe I can never stop learning and there is always something new to learn out there. So now, with the Cardio and Coach’s training and the Mma I am also learning dance. You know what the funny thing is? I always called myself a ‘Machine’ when I did nothing like what a machine does. But now, turning 31 I know that by default I do everything what a Machine does. And that is to never stop.

"Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy."

Don’t take me wrong. I am not showing off. I am just trying to prove a point to you. That eventually we all become what we had set out to be. When I was 20, I made many promises to myself. Back then, I was childish and immature and didn’t know what I was doing. But now, it is all because of those promises that I am forging myself with Steel everyday. Promises that are more real now than they were back then. There are voices in my head which keep on telling me the same thing over and over again. “You are the Lone Wolf. You are stronger than others. You can be alone while others don’t want to be. You can stand tall when all else fails. You are the one who can do extraordinary things.” Those words are like constant echoes in my head. And they never stop. I guess they are gentle reminders from the Universe. Reminders which always show me my path. I know I am not perfect. Hell, I am far away from perfect and I wasn’t always this self-aware. But I know that is all in the past now. You can’t imagine how happy I feel when I am all by myself. The freedom to know that you are in charge of only your life and the power that comes with it is truly amazing. I guess those are the perks of turning 31. :-)

"A self-fulfilling prophecy is an assumption or prediction that, purely as a result of having been made, cause the expected or predicted event to occur and thus confirms its own 'accuracy.'"

So how does a man who always wanted attention from others becomes the man who loves being by himself? I guess the answer is contentment. There are so many moments in a day which make me look up to the universe and say the words, “Thank You”. There are so many moments in a day where I truly feel happy and in these moments I know that the universe is with me, every step of the way and I know that everything is going to be alright. Yes, I do believe in Hope. And that is why I fight everyday. That is why I sacrifice and that is why I push myself to new limits. Before, in my blogs, I always wanted to redeem myself in a way or indirectly say the things I wanted to say to others. But now, I feel nothing. I feel no anger or resentment or anguish. I am just happy being left alone in my own little world, minding my own business and giving my goals and dreams my 100% everyday! That is the man I have become now. The lone wolf I am transforming into. I have this pumped-up energy in me which never goes out! Trust me on that! And I say that ‘cause I train thrice a day and yet I have energy. I don’t feel soreness and I don’t feel fatigued. And there is so much I want to do! I want to grow a beard. Try new hair styles. Go for Fighting Camps across the world and also read more Books and take more Online Courses! So in other words turning 31 has only been the beginning of my ‘Real’ journey. 

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil."

This is the New Me and This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Why Do We Fall?

“And we will choose many men and women. People who will go through unfathomable acts of struggle. But out of all the souls there will come one. One who will change everything forever. And this soul will be tested. He will fall, he will be destroyed and he will be broken. But in the end, when all hope will be lost he will emerge once again as the fiery phoenix. And he shall prevail. He will be the one amongst the trillions. He will be the Lone Wolf. He will be the Last Man Standing.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

I have a dream from time to time. And it may sound a little unusual to you but it is a dream which always manages to bring a smile to my face. In this dream I am alone. I wake up in this great mansion where sofas are made of leather and chairs made of crystal. This place has no one else except me. I have everything that I need at my disposal. Whether it is a luscious meal or a glass of chilled water. This mansion has tennis courts and swimming pools. It has theatres and bowling alleys. It also has a super market. You can say that this mansion is a world on it’s own. But as I said earlier, I am all alone here. Not even a robot to talk too. People are social animals I know of that but for some reason, I am don’t go crazy being alone here. Here, in this small little world of mine, I train, I read, I shower and I eat. I do everything a human being should do. Everything besides human interaction. This is a dream I have time to time. I don’t know but it always lingers in my head. Like a calling waiting to turn real. Blogs are meant to be a mirror of a person’s soul or it’s point of view and maybe that’s why I thought it was necessary of me to share this dream of mine with you also. You may question why do I always write stuff of being alone or why do I choose to be alone. Well, the truth is for many years I have been convinced with this one single belief. That in order to be Great we have to have the ability to Sacrifice. And sacrifice the things we want the most. And what is it that we human beings want the most in this world? We need love and support. So what if I gain the power and the ability to kill those emotions? What if I become so self-efficient that I don’t need anyone anymore? I believe that if I harness that power, I will, only then be truly deserving of Greatness. And that is why, for more than 15 years I have been in this quest … a journey you can say, to the vey depths of my soul and try to find out if I can. And when I looked deep into the blackness of that well, I fell deep into it. And when I did every emotion I ever felt came alive. A feeling I can’t possibly explain. But then, when I was in that pit, in that darkness of nothingness, I understood it all. I understood why I fell and how I will rise again.

"Courage is knowing what not to fear."

We all go through struggles. We all go through hardships and we all go through our own suffering. Even right now, as I am typing this, someone, somewhere must be suffering from something. Whether it is something to do with health or wealth or heart break or simply just the lack of joy, someone always is going through something. So I can’t say that I am experienced enough to know and understand that. But I can say is that in all of my 30 years of existence, I have come to understand that I won’t be able to relate to your sorrow and neither will you be able to experience my joy. We go through our own journeys. And the sooner we figure that out, the sooner we become free of emotions or bonds that only bring us down. My coach said a very beautiful thing the other day. He said, “Only a few in this world can endure such tremendous struggle, pain and sacrifice.” He was 100% right on that. Not all can bare the burden of moving ahead even when everything is against you. But this blog isn’t about my struggles I have had or the struggles I will. The body struggles everyday just to breathe oxygen! So I think I am in a very good place in my life right now. No, this blog isn’t about the War I love fighting. This blog is about what happens to a person after they stumble and fall. Before, not a very long time ago, I wanted people to pick me back up. I wanted people to be there for me and at the end of the day all I wanted was to feel loved. But then, just recently something happened. Well, it happened exactly the opposite way of how I was hoping for it to be. And when I went through that shocking and nightmarish moment, I should had gone to the people who would had been there for me. But I didn’t. This time in fact, I didn’t do anything. I just remained still and let the moment just happen the way it was mean to be. And after the storm had passed I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t see tears rolling down my cheeks nor did I see my face turn red with anger. I just saw a man who was stronger than he had ever imagined himself to be. A man so strong that he knew, that nothing or no one will ever be able to break him again.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

If you meet me now, you won’t find any change in my mannerisms. I am still the same guy I was yesterday. In fact, all thanks to Dubsmash, people have started seeing the funny side of me! But underneath all that funniness and tweets and pictures, there is a man who has a soul on fire. A man who is relentless and a man who refuses to give up. I have told you this before and I will tell you this again, I am in Love with War and Battle. And I will always need a war to fight. Whether it is for my own survival or to make my dreams come true, I will always be a part of the fight and that is why, the universe is still moulding me and making me the man I was destined to be. Yes, I do believe that we are the tools of the fate that has bestowed upon us and that we are the makers of our own end. And everything that has happened to me. Every event, good or bad and every human being, no matter how noble or evil has brought me to this juncture of my life. Just when I thought I would never withstand failure, I embraced it. Just when I thought I would not survive alone, I stood alone and just when I thought I was broken I rose again. I will never stop trying. And I will never stop fighting. But till today and I kid you not, I haven’t met one individual who understands this journey of mine. I do agree that earlier in this blog I did agree that we all have our own journeys to fight but what happens is that after a point when you don’t have anyone like you, the battle you are in consumes you and then there is nothing left in you besides the fighting spirit which gives you strength to fight on. And then, when your body is broken and sore and full of bruises and when you are in pain, you realise that you were always meant to be alone. And for people like me, loners like me that reality is the only reality which makes sense. We were chosen even before we knew we were. Someone once told me that if you look long and hard enough, you realise how blessed you are. I agree on that thought. Today, I really do count my blessings and when I do, I realise that I have more to be thankful for than to hate about. 

"We are twice armed if we fight with faith."

So what is next for me? Do I wait for opportunity to knock on my door or do I go out there and find it? The answer is I find ways to be contended. I think that would be the right answer. So that is what I am doing. I wake up everyday and plan the events ahead. Whether it is training with Abbas Ali {Bodyholics} in the gym for 3 hours a day or whether it is doing a new course with Coursera on The Paradoxes Of War with the University Of Princeton. Whether it is doing Mma Drills and uploading them on Snapchat or whether it is trying to reach 100kms on the Nike+ App. I get up everyday, gear up and fight on ‘cause that is what I do best and that is what I love doing the most. The stronger me knows I have to do this alone. And this decision isn’t out of disappointment or heart break or betrayal, this decision has been made from a calmness deep within my soul and it has been weeks now I have been following this new approach and I gotta tell you, I am in love with it! There are no answers to be questioned or responsibilities to abide. It is just me, everyday facing my tasks all by myself. Of course, fear and insecurity have a of creeping up and finding me but it is only when you are truly tested, do you know how strong you truly are. I know now I am the strongest that I have ever been. Not because I choose not to express my feelings or be dependant but because I now have the ability to stop myself from ever letting that happen. And who said I was alone? Just like you, I have the universe with me. I have it’s energy sprinkling it’s magic charm on me and whenever I am in doubt, the universe always shows me the way. Maybe that is why I still have that dream of me in that mansion and maybe that is why I wish to travel the world alone. And visit Ireland and Scotland and go to those small towns and sit in those pubs and have jugs of beer and hear those people sing. Maybe that is why I have the dream of buying a Harley or a Triumph and driving on the back roads of America and taking selfies with the sunsets. Maybe that is why I wish to go to Thailand and Sweden and Los Angeles and enrol into Mma training camps. Maybe that is why I wish all those wishes in which I am all by myself. Maybe that is why I know now … Why Is It That We Fall.

"People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die."

Don’t take me wrong. I am not here to prove a point or to tell you this is the right way. For all I know, I am still the crazy one and the outsider and the misfit. This is just me expressing my growth to you. This is just me showing what time and battle does to a man. And I am here to tell you that it is ok to Fall. I heard a very beautiful saying once and it said, “Don’t curse the darkness. Light a candle.” And that is what I am doing. Instead of crying myself to sleep in the darkness I sit there in the nothingness and ask myself, “Why do we fall?” And do you know what the answer to that is? The answer is We Fall ‘cause Only Then, We Can Learn To Pick Ourselves Up Again. And every time we rise, we only become stronger than we were before. Just like a Saiyan from the Dragonball Z Universe or the Egyptian Phoenix, you always come back stronger. So it doesn’t matter what turmoil you are going through, know that it won’t last forever. “Tough times don’t last but tough people do.” And the reason I am saying this to you and the reason you are reading this is because you are one of the tough ones. You are one of those brave souls who knows how to endure pain and struggle and still move forward. And for that I salute you. Maybe one day during my trip around the world I may meet you and even though we won’t sit and chat and have a good laugh, we will know that we are one of the few who rose after we fell. So for now, that is all I have to say. And I hope somehow and in someway you understood my transition into this Lone Warrior Breed. I hope you don’t take me as a monster but as a friend who knows what Fighting truly means. I thank you all for being so patient with me over the years and thank you all for trying. But I guess that time has come in my life where I can say that I am now 100% Self Proof and as weird as it may sound, I may never need another soul again. So you take care my readers. Keep fighting and maybe the next time I write a blog, it would be from that mansion I keep on seeing in my dreams or from the hills of Scotland or maybe from a Coffee Shop in New York. But no matter where I will be, I know I will never stop. And I know I will always Rise After I will Fall.

"The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty. 


Sunday, 24 May 2015

Past. Present. Future.

“Humans will error. They will make mistakes. And they will be savage beasts. It is in their nature. But the reason this book was written was because one day, one mortal out of the billions will be truly worthy of reading it’s pages. For he will know what he must do next in his life. For he will be chosen for a task greater than any man can endure. And when he realises his own true potential, he will be free and therefore will be called as The One.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

We are only few days away from the release of my Ishqedarriyaan. Come 29th I will know what Fate has in stored for me. The wait of more than 2 years will be decided just a few days from now. But right now, sitting at my couch, during this sunday evening, all by myself, I can’t help but take a look back into my life and see from where I have come to where I am going. Yesterday, I began to replay Call Of Duty World At War on the Xbox 360. I was looking for that game for a while now and I was delighted to have found it. Al though I am very much in love with the game, it was the year it came out that intrigued and made me think of my past. It was 2008. Nearly 7 years ago. And when I saw that year flashing on the screen, I was automatically transported back to that moment when I first started playing that game. And that is what got me thinking and analysing my life and of course the Road So Far. Maybe that is why it was important for me to see where I was, where I am and where I am going and it was also important for me to share all that with you. So let me try to review my life in full in the coming paragraphs and I hope that I do justice to it also. 

"But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?"

The Past:

Just a few days ago I was having a discussion with my brother about life and everything in it. And when we were chatting I told him that, “I don’t know why people say that they never want to grow up or that they wished they were children again. I love growing up! I believe growing up is an amazing feeling and I never want to be a child again.” I know why I said all that. It is because whenever I look back into the past, I only see a kid who was screwed up. I know we all have to go through our own journeys but whenever I look back, I only laugh and curse at myself. I mean the things that I did and the way I was, well, they were wrong and unjust and I deserved everything that came my way.I know I can’t undo the past and neither I can right my wrongs but I can surely never make those mistakes again. Of course I feel guilty. Of course I feel terrible. I was selfish and self-centred and the only person I cared and loved was myself. It was wrong and even back then I had a choice. I had a choice to leave people alone or become like them and mould myself according to society. But my childishness and arrogance never allowed me. There are times when I sit alone and repent the things that I have done. I was a hypocrite to believe that my actions were somehow righteous while all they were doing was hurting and harming everyone around me. My brother tells me that we all go through these ordeals in life and it is only these ordeals that carve out the best in us. I agree with him ‘cause today I do know the difference between the wrong and the right. But the past sometimes still haunts me. A part of me is glad it does and a part of me wants it to leave me alone. I guess this is the burden that I am meant to carry always. I don’t know how much I have grown as a man over the years but I do know that now, the choices are more clearer in front of me. Today, before I do anything I always wager the Pros and Cons and then act practically towards the situation. Maybe challenges do carve out the best in men. But even back then, during the most toughest times of my life I always knew what I wanted to do. I do agree that my approach may not have been that appealing but it was always the way I wanted to go. Maybe the reason to fight and become better was the only thing that was right in my life back then and maybe that is the only thing that took me away from the evil in me and showed me the light.

"Oblivion is the rule and fame the exception, of humanity."

The Present:

I guess I don’t have to break down the present so much. You know where I am and what I am going through. My film releases on the 29th and every moment which brings me closer to it just terrifies me more and more. But this isn’t the fear of what people may say or not say or about the box office results. This fear is about the oblivious. The going-into-unknown-territory fear. I really don’t know how I will be come May 29th. When people meet and greet me today, they see the smile and the laughter and the confidence which every actor must show. But underneath all that is pure fear and insecurity. You see, I am human just like you and I am going through all those emotions also. I have friends and family and loved ones. People who are there to support me and give me their best wishes. But the thing is they aren’t going through what I am going through. Of course I can’t blame them for that ‘cause this has been my journey and they can’t fathom to realise how much is at stake for me come May 29th. I truly appreciate all the support and love that I am getting but you know just because someone is giving you their love and their understanding doesn’t make them right. I have said this before and I am saying this again, society is the mother root of all evils. I agree that humans are savage beasts and we need someone to tell us where to go and what to do but the problem is that society and appearances have only made us more hollow from inside. When I started out on this journey, I knew I would face trails and tribulations. And today, on the verge of the biggest moment of my life all I want is to be left alone. Yes, you heard me, I want to be left alone. I’ve realised that people are there for you only until they are comfortable being there for you. At times like these, I only remember what the Joker told Batman in The Dark Knight. “The only reason these people support you now is ‘cause they need you. Once you have done your so-called righteous duty, they will cast you out. They will make you the villain. These so-called ‘civilised’ people are only as good as they want to be ‘cause when the chips are down, they will turn on each other. I will show you that one day.” Those words echo in my ears overtime I see a close one defending themselves ‘cause they believe that they are right. It is sad to see people once you loved turn into monsters when you thought you were the monster all along.

"Since fame is an illusion and death is in our future all we have is the next moment before we are swallowed into oblivion."

I know I have my weak moments. Moments when I just want to unwind and be normal and forget about the pressures. I always thought that ‘Love’ was the answer to it all. But I was wrong. Today, Love comes with an instructional manual and people will love you only if they think it is right to do so and even if they do, they expect you to be the way they want you to be. Giving love and being understandable doesn’t always mean that you are right. And a while back, I knew I would need friends and people that I could count on during this challenging period of my life but as the challenges grew stronger, I started to realise that I didn’t need anyone at all. Remember I told you that I love growing up? Well maybe, this is a sign of growing up. That we have to face our challenges head on and that when we truly face our obstacles on our own, we realise that we never needed anyone to begin with. I have come to realise that and even though this choice will make me alone, I am proud to say that I don’t need anyone. I don’t need love or friendship or care. All I need is myself. A mother who met in the train, when I was going to Surat to promote my film asked me that how can I choose to be alone? Doesn’t it get lonely? And I told her that when you are in love with the company of yourself, you never need anyone. And that is what I have become today. A man who just loves his own company. I really don’t know why people don’t get that. Well, again, maybe it’s because they must have known my story but they haven’t lived it. They don’t know that I am complete only when I am truly alone. I wish I could make people understand that. You know those people who are more concerned about society than themselves? Well, anyways, I hope this blog somehow gives that message to them. Trust me, I do get angry. I do get angry when things don’t go my way. But as Batman said, “We can choose to be better than our basic instincts.” And that is what I do now. The one thing the Past has taught is me that no matter how much love and adoration you get from the people, always remember to stay humble. And no matter how much you are tempted to fly, remember that you can’t and those artificial wings will one day break and you will come crashing to the ground. Today, I am very happy with the way the film’s soundtrack has been appreciated and come 29th, I hope people like the film also. But has this journey affected me in any way? Have I again become the pompous, self-centred prick I was back in the day? The answer is, No. No, I am never going back to that evil again. Today, even when I am tempted to become cocky or over-confident, I come back home, talk to myself, relax my thoughts and feelings and remind myself that temptation and love and adoration will not change me for the worse but will rather make me a better human being. 

"Time's stern tide, with cold Oblivion's wave, Shall soon dissolve each fair, each fading charm."

The Future:

No one has the answer to this. I mean who amongst you can tell me what is in stored for me? No one. Right? Well, astrologers can so-called ‘Predict’ but we all know that not all predictions come true. We all are the instruments of our own fate and all we can do is what we can in our circumstances. As I had mentioned earlier I don’t know how I will be on the 29th. I think the best thing to do will be to shut off  all emotions and feelings and expectations and imagine it to be just another day. But I also know that by running away from what is stored for me won’t make anything easier. I have to face the things that will come my way and not just on the 29th but for the rest of my life as well. That is why I am making a new plan. Whether it is increasing the level of my training or learning a new fight form in Mma or reading a new book or taking up a new course online. I know that life will move on and I will have to move on with it. As a student of Astronomy I believe that we all are a part pf the giant universe and that the universe has a divine plan for me and it will only make me come closer to my greatness. But I also know that I just can’t sit around and wait for that to happen. I will have to get up and get back to fighting again, the thing I love most in this world. I was watching Ufc today and when Chris Weidman knocked out Vitor Belfort, a part of me felt alive, just the way I feel whenever I train at the gym or punching during my Mma classes. I know my calling is different than most people in this world and one day that siren will play for me and when it does, I will be ready. But now, looking into the near future, I know what I have to do. I have to train. And I have to self-improve. I would rather be in Los Angeles or a Mma Camp in Thailand than be here amongst people who want to impress society and put on a mask and believe that they are always right. I rather be alone than choked and trapped in a pretentious surrounding. The future maybe uncertain but what is certain is my will. My will to improve and become better and wait for that siren. I know I have always been different than most people and while growing up, if that felt like a curse, today, it feels like a blessing. So here I am, again, at the crossroads of my life, preparing myself for the responsibilities ahead. But this time around I know I will take them head-on and I know I will take them alone. Not because I have too, it’s because I Choose Too.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and This Is My Past, Present and Future.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"I gratefully look forward to oblivion, but I must be sure of it."