Saturday, 1 August 2015

The Number 31 ...

All men die. That is how they have been created. But what matters is what they do while they are still alive. We write this book foreseeing the future of humanity. And we have foreseen the end of it. We have seen how man will eventually destroy himself. We have seen how greed will tear everyone apart and how jealousy will make the world burn. We have seen how emotions can weaken men. We have seen how Power can corrupt anything it touches. But we have also seen ‘The One’. Who is ‘The One’ you ask? He is just like you. And he lives amongst you. But what makes him so special is that at a very crucial time in his life he will realise who he truly is. And that realisation won’t come from love or friendship or bonds that unite. It will come from knowing the nothingness. The blackness within and stillness within his soul. And when he does accept who he is, his entire world will be changed forever.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

I don’t write that many blogs anymore. It has been more than a month since my last blog entry. There was a time when I use to write an entry every week. But now I guess I don’t have much to express. I know it is strange of me to say that but that is the truth and I have accepted that. Before, it was all about me trying to make my voice heard by everyone. Now, I don’t feel that necessity anymore. I guess turning 31 makes you feel like that. Or maybe it is all the life experiences combined till now that make you realise that in the end all you have to be is Self-Sufficient. What is self-sufficient you ask? Well, according to me, it is the ability to be contended with one’s own self. I know I will be sounding like a hypocrite right now but the truth is that for a while I have been feeling this way. And now, I have gotten used to it. Yes. I really love my own company! Even right now, I am all alone in my house writing this blog. Of course, my bros and sis will be arriving in some time with their friends but until they come, I know I can enjoy every amount of this solitary peace given to me. And no, I didn’t celebrate my birthday this year. I in fact, really liked the peace and quit. I liked it so much that I even refused to pick up calls from the people who wanted to wish me! I was like, “I am 31 now! I want to feel like I am 31.” I know I must be wrong according to many people for being this way but this state of being really makes me very happy. In fact, I am also very proud of myself. Proud why you ask, well, ‘cause for the 1st time in my life I am abiding the promise I gave to the universe and to Frank all those years ago. The promise of being non-dependant on others. And the power to be completely self-sufficient. In other words, transforming into a Lone Wolf.

"Experience is the only prophecy of wise men."

I don’t remember the last time I cried. You know, that crying which is either triggered by a sudden hurt or a surprised feeling of joy. I don’t remember when I had tears rolling down my cheeks. My pet Wrinkle, who was very close to me passed away. I didn’t cry then. Same happened when my pets Tiger and Chewbacca passed away also. And I also didn’t cry when Ishqedarriyaan didn’t click. I just looked at the mirror and then told myself, “Get Up and fight back.” And now, that is what I do. Day in and day out I test myself. Day in and day out I try to make myself better. And day in and day out I become stronger. So strong that no one can have the power to ever hurt me again. Even my weekly time table is a ’Self-Involved’ time table. Get Up, have coffee, eat breakfast, leave for the gym. Train, then eat, then read, then do mma. Then take a bath, have dinner, watch tv, play video games, watch a movie, do my online course, read on my kindle, go to sleep. Repeat the same training cycle for 6 days a week. Rest and recover on sundays. Get back to training on monday. And this schedule of mine is only giving me progress. A self-sufficeint progress. I am very happy to say I have one of the best trainers out there {Abbas Ali} and getting trained by him and understanding what fitness truly is, is a reward in itself. He pushes me and I always feel a personal high when gym members come up to me and congratulate me on my transformation and also the lovely comments I get on the social media platforms. All of this combined only convinces me that I can do a lot more. And that is why I have enrolled myself into a Dance class. The Advanced level of Urban Hip-Hop. I believe I can never stop learning and there is always something new to learn out there. So now, with the Cardio and Coach’s training and the Mma I am also learning dance. You know what the funny thing is? I always called myself a ‘Machine’ when I did nothing like what a machine does. But now, turning 31 I know that by default I do everything what a Machine does. And that is to never stop.

"Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy."

Don’t take me wrong. I am not showing off. I am just trying to prove a point to you. That eventually we all become what we had set out to be. When I was 20, I made many promises to myself. Back then, I was childish and immature and didn’t know what I was doing. But now, it is all because of those promises that I am forging myself with Steel everyday. Promises that are more real now than they were back then. There are voices in my head which keep on telling me the same thing over and over again. “You are the Lone Wolf. You are stronger than others. You can be alone while others don’t want to be. You can stand tall when all else fails. You are the one who can do extraordinary things.” Those words are like constant echoes in my head. And they never stop. I guess they are gentle reminders from the Universe. Reminders which always show me my path. I know I am not perfect. Hell, I am far away from perfect and I wasn’t always this self-aware. But I know that is all in the past now. You can’t imagine how happy I feel when I am all by myself. The freedom to know that you are in charge of only your life and the power that comes with it is truly amazing. I guess those are the perks of turning 31. :-)

"A self-fulfilling prophecy is an assumption or prediction that, purely as a result of having been made, cause the expected or predicted event to occur and thus confirms its own 'accuracy.'"

So how does a man who always wanted attention from others becomes the man who loves being by himself? I guess the answer is contentment. There are so many moments in a day which make me look up to the universe and say the words, “Thank You”. There are so many moments in a day where I truly feel happy and in these moments I know that the universe is with me, every step of the way and I know that everything is going to be alright. Yes, I do believe in Hope. And that is why I fight everyday. That is why I sacrifice and that is why I push myself to new limits. Before, in my blogs, I always wanted to redeem myself in a way or indirectly say the things I wanted to say to others. But now, I feel nothing. I feel no anger or resentment or anguish. I am just happy being left alone in my own little world, minding my own business and giving my goals and dreams my 100% everyday! That is the man I have become now. The lone wolf I am transforming into. I have this pumped-up energy in me which never goes out! Trust me on that! And I say that ‘cause I train thrice a day and yet I have energy. I don’t feel soreness and I don’t feel fatigued. And there is so much I want to do! I want to grow a beard. Try new hair styles. Go for Fighting Camps across the world and also read more Books and take more Online Courses! So in other words turning 31 has only been the beginning of my ‘Real’ journey. 

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil."

This is the New Me and This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Why Do We Fall?

“And we will choose many men and women. People who will go through unfathomable acts of struggle. But out of all the souls there will come one. One who will change everything forever. And this soul will be tested. He will fall, he will be destroyed and he will be broken. But in the end, when all hope will be lost he will emerge once again as the fiery phoenix. And he shall prevail. He will be the one amongst the trillions. He will be the Lone Wolf. He will be the Last Man Standing.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

I have a dream from time to time. And it may sound a little unusual to you but it is a dream which always manages to bring a smile to my face. In this dream I am alone. I wake up in this great mansion where sofas are made of leather and chairs made of crystal. This place has no one else except me. I have everything that I need at my disposal. Whether it is a luscious meal or a glass of chilled water. This mansion has tennis courts and swimming pools. It has theatres and bowling alleys. It also has a super market. You can say that this mansion is a world on it’s own. But as I said earlier, I am all alone here. Not even a robot to talk too. People are social animals I know of that but for some reason, I am don’t go crazy being alone here. Here, in this small little world of mine, I train, I read, I shower and I eat. I do everything a human being should do. Everything besides human interaction. This is a dream I have time to time. I don’t know but it always lingers in my head. Like a calling waiting to turn real. Blogs are meant to be a mirror of a person’s soul or it’s point of view and maybe that’s why I thought it was necessary of me to share this dream of mine with you also. You may question why do I always write stuff of being alone or why do I choose to be alone. Well, the truth is for many years I have been convinced with this one single belief. That in order to be Great we have to have the ability to Sacrifice. And sacrifice the things we want the most. And what is it that we human beings want the most in this world? We need love and support. So what if I gain the power and the ability to kill those emotions? What if I become so self-efficient that I don’t need anyone anymore? I believe that if I harness that power, I will, only then be truly deserving of Greatness. And that is why, for more than 15 years I have been in this quest … a journey you can say, to the vey depths of my soul and try to find out if I can. And when I looked deep into the blackness of that well, I fell deep into it. And when I did every emotion I ever felt came alive. A feeling I can’t possibly explain. But then, when I was in that pit, in that darkness of nothingness, I understood it all. I understood why I fell and how I will rise again.

"Courage is knowing what not to fear."

We all go through struggles. We all go through hardships and we all go through our own suffering. Even right now, as I am typing this, someone, somewhere must be suffering from something. Whether it is something to do with health or wealth or heart break or simply just the lack of joy, someone always is going through something. So I can’t say that I am experienced enough to know and understand that. But I can say is that in all of my 30 years of existence, I have come to understand that I won’t be able to relate to your sorrow and neither will you be able to experience my joy. We go through our own journeys. And the sooner we figure that out, the sooner we become free of emotions or bonds that only bring us down. My coach said a very beautiful thing the other day. He said, “Only a few in this world can endure such tremendous struggle, pain and sacrifice.” He was 100% right on that. Not all can bare the burden of moving ahead even when everything is against you. But this blog isn’t about my struggles I have had or the struggles I will. The body struggles everyday just to breathe oxygen! So I think I am in a very good place in my life right now. No, this blog isn’t about the War I love fighting. This blog is about what happens to a person after they stumble and fall. Before, not a very long time ago, I wanted people to pick me back up. I wanted people to be there for me and at the end of the day all I wanted was to feel loved. But then, just recently something happened. Well, it happened exactly the opposite way of how I was hoping for it to be. And when I went through that shocking and nightmarish moment, I should had gone to the people who would had been there for me. But I didn’t. This time in fact, I didn’t do anything. I just remained still and let the moment just happen the way it was mean to be. And after the storm had passed I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t see tears rolling down my cheeks nor did I see my face turn red with anger. I just saw a man who was stronger than he had ever imagined himself to be. A man so strong that he knew, that nothing or no one will ever be able to break him again.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

If you meet me now, you won’t find any change in my mannerisms. I am still the same guy I was yesterday. In fact, all thanks to Dubsmash, people have started seeing the funny side of me! But underneath all that funniness and tweets and pictures, there is a man who has a soul on fire. A man who is relentless and a man who refuses to give up. I have told you this before and I will tell you this again, I am in Love with War and Battle. And I will always need a war to fight. Whether it is for my own survival or to make my dreams come true, I will always be a part of the fight and that is why, the universe is still moulding me and making me the man I was destined to be. Yes, I do believe that we are the tools of the fate that has bestowed upon us and that we are the makers of our own end. And everything that has happened to me. Every event, good or bad and every human being, no matter how noble or evil has brought me to this juncture of my life. Just when I thought I would never withstand failure, I embraced it. Just when I thought I would not survive alone, I stood alone and just when I thought I was broken I rose again. I will never stop trying. And I will never stop fighting. But till today and I kid you not, I haven’t met one individual who understands this journey of mine. I do agree that earlier in this blog I did agree that we all have our own journeys to fight but what happens is that after a point when you don’t have anyone like you, the battle you are in consumes you and then there is nothing left in you besides the fighting spirit which gives you strength to fight on. And then, when your body is broken and sore and full of bruises and when you are in pain, you realise that you were always meant to be alone. And for people like me, loners like me that reality is the only reality which makes sense. We were chosen even before we knew we were. Someone once told me that if you look long and hard enough, you realise how blessed you are. I agree on that thought. Today, I really do count my blessings and when I do, I realise that I have more to be thankful for than to hate about. 

"We are twice armed if we fight with faith."

So what is next for me? Do I wait for opportunity to knock on my door or do I go out there and find it? The answer is I find ways to be contended. I think that would be the right answer. So that is what I am doing. I wake up everyday and plan the events ahead. Whether it is training with Abbas Ali {Bodyholics} in the gym for 3 hours a day or whether it is doing a new course with Coursera on The Paradoxes Of War with the University Of Princeton. Whether it is doing Mma Drills and uploading them on Snapchat or whether it is trying to reach 100kms on the Nike+ App. I get up everyday, gear up and fight on ‘cause that is what I do best and that is what I love doing the most. The stronger me knows I have to do this alone. And this decision isn’t out of disappointment or heart break or betrayal, this decision has been made from a calmness deep within my soul and it has been weeks now I have been following this new approach and I gotta tell you, I am in love with it! There are no answers to be questioned or responsibilities to abide. It is just me, everyday facing my tasks all by myself. Of course, fear and insecurity have a of creeping up and finding me but it is only when you are truly tested, do you know how strong you truly are. I know now I am the strongest that I have ever been. Not because I choose not to express my feelings or be dependant but because I now have the ability to stop myself from ever letting that happen. And who said I was alone? Just like you, I have the universe with me. I have it’s energy sprinkling it’s magic charm on me and whenever I am in doubt, the universe always shows me the way. Maybe that is why I still have that dream of me in that mansion and maybe that is why I wish to travel the world alone. And visit Ireland and Scotland and go to those small towns and sit in those pubs and have jugs of beer and hear those people sing. Maybe that is why I have the dream of buying a Harley or a Triumph and driving on the back roads of America and taking selfies with the sunsets. Maybe that is why I wish to go to Thailand and Sweden and Los Angeles and enrol into Mma training camps. Maybe that is why I wish all those wishes in which I am all by myself. Maybe that is why I know now … Why Is It That We Fall.

"People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die."

Don’t take me wrong. I am not here to prove a point or to tell you this is the right way. For all I know, I am still the crazy one and the outsider and the misfit. This is just me expressing my growth to you. This is just me showing what time and battle does to a man. And I am here to tell you that it is ok to Fall. I heard a very beautiful saying once and it said, “Don’t curse the darkness. Light a candle.” And that is what I am doing. Instead of crying myself to sleep in the darkness I sit there in the nothingness and ask myself, “Why do we fall?” And do you know what the answer to that is? The answer is We Fall ‘cause Only Then, We Can Learn To Pick Ourselves Up Again. And every time we rise, we only become stronger than we were before. Just like a Saiyan from the Dragonball Z Universe or the Egyptian Phoenix, you always come back stronger. So it doesn’t matter what turmoil you are going through, know that it won’t last forever. “Tough times don’t last but tough people do.” And the reason I am saying this to you and the reason you are reading this is because you are one of the tough ones. You are one of those brave souls who knows how to endure pain and struggle and still move forward. And for that I salute you. Maybe one day during my trip around the world I may meet you and even though we won’t sit and chat and have a good laugh, we will know that we are one of the few who rose after we fell. So for now, that is all I have to say. And I hope somehow and in someway you understood my transition into this Lone Warrior Breed. I hope you don’t take me as a monster but as a friend who knows what Fighting truly means. I thank you all for being so patient with me over the years and thank you all for trying. But I guess that time has come in my life where I can say that I am now 100% Self Proof and as weird as it may sound, I may never need another soul again. So you take care my readers. Keep fighting and maybe the next time I write a blog, it would be from that mansion I keep on seeing in my dreams or from the hills of Scotland or maybe from a Coffee Shop in New York. But no matter where I will be, I know I will never stop. And I know I will always Rise After I will Fall.

"The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty. 


Sunday, 24 May 2015

Past. Present. Future.

“Humans will error. They will make mistakes. And they will be savage beasts. It is in their nature. But the reason this book was written was because one day, one mortal out of the billions will be truly worthy of reading it’s pages. For he will know what he must do next in his life. For he will be chosen for a task greater than any man can endure. And when he realises his own true potential, he will be free and therefore will be called as The One.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

We are only few days away from the release of my Ishqedarriyaan. Come 29th I will know what Fate has in stored for me. The wait of more than 2 years will be decided just a few days from now. But right now, sitting at my couch, during this sunday evening, all by myself, I can’t help but take a look back into my life and see from where I have come to where I am going. Yesterday, I began to replay Call Of Duty World At War on the Xbox 360. I was looking for that game for a while now and I was delighted to have found it. Al though I am very much in love with the game, it was the year it came out that intrigued and made me think of my past. It was 2008. Nearly 7 years ago. And when I saw that year flashing on the screen, I was automatically transported back to that moment when I first started playing that game. And that is what got me thinking and analysing my life and of course the Road So Far. Maybe that is why it was important for me to see where I was, where I am and where I am going and it was also important for me to share all that with you. So let me try to review my life in full in the coming paragraphs and I hope that I do justice to it also. 

"But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?"

The Past:

Just a few days ago I was having a discussion with my brother about life and everything in it. And when we were chatting I told him that, “I don’t know why people say that they never want to grow up or that they wished they were children again. I love growing up! I believe growing up is an amazing feeling and I never want to be a child again.” I know why I said all that. It is because whenever I look back into the past, I only see a kid who was screwed up. I know we all have to go through our own journeys but whenever I look back, I only laugh and curse at myself. I mean the things that I did and the way I was, well, they were wrong and unjust and I deserved everything that came my way.I know I can’t undo the past and neither I can right my wrongs but I can surely never make those mistakes again. Of course I feel guilty. Of course I feel terrible. I was selfish and self-centred and the only person I cared and loved was myself. It was wrong and even back then I had a choice. I had a choice to leave people alone or become like them and mould myself according to society. But my childishness and arrogance never allowed me. There are times when I sit alone and repent the things that I have done. I was a hypocrite to believe that my actions were somehow righteous while all they were doing was hurting and harming everyone around me. My brother tells me that we all go through these ordeals in life and it is only these ordeals that carve out the best in us. I agree with him ‘cause today I do know the difference between the wrong and the right. But the past sometimes still haunts me. A part of me is glad it does and a part of me wants it to leave me alone. I guess this is the burden that I am meant to carry always. I don’t know how much I have grown as a man over the years but I do know that now, the choices are more clearer in front of me. Today, before I do anything I always wager the Pros and Cons and then act practically towards the situation. Maybe challenges do carve out the best in men. But even back then, during the most toughest times of my life I always knew what I wanted to do. I do agree that my approach may not have been that appealing but it was always the way I wanted to go. Maybe the reason to fight and become better was the only thing that was right in my life back then and maybe that is the only thing that took me away from the evil in me and showed me the light.

"Oblivion is the rule and fame the exception, of humanity."

The Present:

I guess I don’t have to break down the present so much. You know where I am and what I am going through. My film releases on the 29th and every moment which brings me closer to it just terrifies me more and more. But this isn’t the fear of what people may say or not say or about the box office results. This fear is about the oblivious. The going-into-unknown-territory fear. I really don’t know how I will be come May 29th. When people meet and greet me today, they see the smile and the laughter and the confidence which every actor must show. But underneath all that is pure fear and insecurity. You see, I am human just like you and I am going through all those emotions also. I have friends and family and loved ones. People who are there to support me and give me their best wishes. But the thing is they aren’t going through what I am going through. Of course I can’t blame them for that ‘cause this has been my journey and they can’t fathom to realise how much is at stake for me come May 29th. I truly appreciate all the support and love that I am getting but you know just because someone is giving you their love and their understanding doesn’t make them right. I have said this before and I am saying this again, society is the mother root of all evils. I agree that humans are savage beasts and we need someone to tell us where to go and what to do but the problem is that society and appearances have only made us more hollow from inside. When I started out on this journey, I knew I would face trails and tribulations. And today, on the verge of the biggest moment of my life all I want is to be left alone. Yes, you heard me, I want to be left alone. I’ve realised that people are there for you only until they are comfortable being there for you. At times like these, I only remember what the Joker told Batman in The Dark Knight. “The only reason these people support you now is ‘cause they need you. Once you have done your so-called righteous duty, they will cast you out. They will make you the villain. These so-called ‘civilised’ people are only as good as they want to be ‘cause when the chips are down, they will turn on each other. I will show you that one day.” Those words echo in my ears overtime I see a close one defending themselves ‘cause they believe that they are right. It is sad to see people once you loved turn into monsters when you thought you were the monster all along.

"Since fame is an illusion and death is in our future all we have is the next moment before we are swallowed into oblivion."

I know I have my weak moments. Moments when I just want to unwind and be normal and forget about the pressures. I always thought that ‘Love’ was the answer to it all. But I was wrong. Today, Love comes with an instructional manual and people will love you only if they think it is right to do so and even if they do, they expect you to be the way they want you to be. Giving love and being understandable doesn’t always mean that you are right. And a while back, I knew I would need friends and people that I could count on during this challenging period of my life but as the challenges grew stronger, I started to realise that I didn’t need anyone at all. Remember I told you that I love growing up? Well maybe, this is a sign of growing up. That we have to face our challenges head on and that when we truly face our obstacles on our own, we realise that we never needed anyone to begin with. I have come to realise that and even though this choice will make me alone, I am proud to say that I don’t need anyone. I don’t need love or friendship or care. All I need is myself. A mother who met in the train, when I was going to Surat to promote my film asked me that how can I choose to be alone? Doesn’t it get lonely? And I told her that when you are in love with the company of yourself, you never need anyone. And that is what I have become today. A man who just loves his own company. I really don’t know why people don’t get that. Well, again, maybe it’s because they must have known my story but they haven’t lived it. They don’t know that I am complete only when I am truly alone. I wish I could make people understand that. You know those people who are more concerned about society than themselves? Well, anyways, I hope this blog somehow gives that message to them. Trust me, I do get angry. I do get angry when things don’t go my way. But as Batman said, “We can choose to be better than our basic instincts.” And that is what I do now. The one thing the Past has taught is me that no matter how much love and adoration you get from the people, always remember to stay humble. And no matter how much you are tempted to fly, remember that you can’t and those artificial wings will one day break and you will come crashing to the ground. Today, I am very happy with the way the film’s soundtrack has been appreciated and come 29th, I hope people like the film also. But has this journey affected me in any way? Have I again become the pompous, self-centred prick I was back in the day? The answer is, No. No, I am never going back to that evil again. Today, even when I am tempted to become cocky or over-confident, I come back home, talk to myself, relax my thoughts and feelings and remind myself that temptation and love and adoration will not change me for the worse but will rather make me a better human being. 

"Time's stern tide, with cold Oblivion's wave, Shall soon dissolve each fair, each fading charm."

The Future:

No one has the answer to this. I mean who amongst you can tell me what is in stored for me? No one. Right? Well, astrologers can so-called ‘Predict’ but we all know that not all predictions come true. We all are the instruments of our own fate and all we can do is what we can in our circumstances. As I had mentioned earlier I don’t know how I will be on the 29th. I think the best thing to do will be to shut off  all emotions and feelings and expectations and imagine it to be just another day. But I also know that by running away from what is stored for me won’t make anything easier. I have to face the things that will come my way and not just on the 29th but for the rest of my life as well. That is why I am making a new plan. Whether it is increasing the level of my training or learning a new fight form in Mma or reading a new book or taking up a new course online. I know that life will move on and I will have to move on with it. As a student of Astronomy I believe that we all are a part pf the giant universe and that the universe has a divine plan for me and it will only make me come closer to my greatness. But I also know that I just can’t sit around and wait for that to happen. I will have to get up and get back to fighting again, the thing I love most in this world. I was watching Ufc today and when Chris Weidman knocked out Vitor Belfort, a part of me felt alive, just the way I feel whenever I train at the gym or punching during my Mma classes. I know my calling is different than most people in this world and one day that siren will play for me and when it does, I will be ready. But now, looking into the near future, I know what I have to do. I have to train. And I have to self-improve. I would rather be in Los Angeles or a Mma Camp in Thailand than be here amongst people who want to impress society and put on a mask and believe that they are always right. I rather be alone than choked and trapped in a pretentious surrounding. The future maybe uncertain but what is certain is my will. My will to improve and become better and wait for that siren. I know I have always been different than most people and while growing up, if that felt like a curse, today, it feels like a blessing. So here I am, again, at the crossroads of my life, preparing myself for the responsibilities ahead. But this time around I know I will take them head-on and I know I will take them alone. Not because I have too, it’s because I Choose Too.

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and This Is My Past, Present and Future.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

"I gratefully look forward to oblivion, but I must be sure of it."


Sunday, 17 May 2015

This Is Not How It Ends ...

“When god created paradise I was furious. For then he created his finest creation. The mortals. And all the other angels laughed at me. They said I was lost and defeated. That I couldn’t do anything about these mortals. But I believed in myself. And so I predicted that one day these mortals will turn on each other. They will rip each other apart. And in the end after all the wars and the destruction, there shall be only one left. The one mortal who will be strong enough to carry the burden of the world. And he will not worship God or the angels. For he shall be my follower. He will not choose salvation. But an endless war even when there will be no one left for him to fight with.”

-The Book Of Prophecies.

For all these years, Mahaakshay has been writing these blogs to you. I must say he has done a fair-descent job at it. And I have been in the shadows, reading them with you as well. But for the first time I have found the opportunity to write a blog in his absence. You see, Mahaakshay is busy promoting his film ISHQEDARRIYAAN which releases on the 29th of may 2015. So ya, he is occupied with the film and the publicity and promotions. Me, on the other hand, well, I am free and I thought this will be the moment as good as any to express and tell you how I feel. Oh, you don’t know who I am? Well, let me introduce myself to you. I am Michael. Mahaakshay must have mentioned me in some his blogs as his Brother or Alter Ego. Well, on the contrary I am either of them. I am a Spirit. I have wandered these lands for thousands of millenniums. I have been looking and searching for that one person, that one individual who I would choose to carry on my legacy, my belief and my promise. I was at a point of giving up and going back to my resting place in the 9th circle of Hell but then 30 years ago a miracle happened. I remember, it was a Monday evening and I was scrolling through the streets of Mumbai {Bombay back then} when I heard a cry. It was the sound of a new born baby. He just came out of his mother’s womb and I knew that the moment I saw him my search was over. I had found the mortal I was looking for. It wasn’t his skin or his tiny fingers which made me choose him. No. It was his Eyes. Those eyes which showed me his soul. A soul so pure it could change the world. A soul which just needed a little push of madness. So dear readers, This is Me Michael and I am about to convince you that This Is Not How It Ends.

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

People say that they have seen a purity in Mahaakshay. That there is goodness in him. Well, I agree with them. If you peek into his soul you get a chance to see that there is good in that chap. But you see, all those years ago, what I saw was something spectacular. I saw a mortal who will one day change the world. He wasn’t just another boy. He was my chosen. The only human I have banked upon. God and the angels and the demons still don’t know of his existence. That he is my student. But every incident, the good or the bad in Mahaakshay’s life has been my doing. I brought all those circumstances in his life. If you ask me why, well, it was because I was moulding him. In fact, I still am. And the craziest part is that he doesn’t have the faintest clue about it. He think that life is testing him and making him stronger for the moments ahead. But the truth is I am making him my warrior. The warrior for the war that I need him to fight when the time will come. The war of wars. The war between the heavens and the hells and the angels and the demons and the humans and the cosmos. the one last war which will wipe out life forever. That war will only have casualties. No one will survive. Not even the memories. But you see, that is where my boy Mahaakshay comes into play. Will he be the one who will destroy the good and the evil from the universe? Will he go back to the beginning and reset the clock? Will he bring an end to all the misery there exists? The answer is yes, all of the above and more. And what is more you ask? The answer is the Aftermath. You see, we all dread War like it is the end of life. But what is more horrifying is the aftermath. When the bodies burn and the air is filled with fire. That is where Mahaakshay’s most important role will come into play. And do you know what that is? He will be the only one who will be left standing. And he will walk the roads of this world alone. Alone … with Me.

"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."

Everybody wants family, friends and love. Everybody wants the dream job and that amazing car. Everybody always wants something more. Trust me, I have seen humans fight for more than what they have for centuries and even when they have achieved wonders they are still unsatisfied. I remember God telling us that we have to be grateful for what we have. But I guess the message didn’t go across that well. Anyways, I knew that Mahaakshay, like any other mortal would also go down that path, so instead of making things tough for him in the beginning I gave him my blessings and a life only a few were worthy to live. I saw this beautiful boy grow and while he was swinging the swing in the playground, I was in the shadows, always watching him. Looking after him in my own manner. But the more Mahaakshay grew up I started to see changes in him. Whether it was the way he started talking to people or eating or even reacting to his own body, there was something out-of-the-box about him. Like … like he was searching for something. Like he was in a quest. On a journey to find answers. And that moment, I just smiled because that was the 1st moment in a very long time that I felt I saw my Mahaakshay. But I wasn’t completely overjoyed by that and then I decided that it was time to send him signs and signals, like small hints from the cosmos telling him to walk the path in front of him, instead of getting confused as to where to walk when he was at his crossroads. And that is when I started giving him trials. Whether it was his teenage years growing up or the people he started meeting when he was in the process of becoming a man. All those people were my doing to remind him that he was my son and the path which I layed out for him was in fact his destiny.

"I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed."

People can be stubborn creatures you see. In all of my living existence I have seen people rise and fall. I have seen them give and take. Steal and kill. Be kind as angels and horrible as monsters. People want to be what they think is right, not what destiny has planned for them. That is why I called them Stubborn. And even the people Mahaakshay has met throughout his life have been stubborn. They have been stubborn enough to think that they can change him. Make him a ‘Better’ human being by giving him love and kindness and friendship. But those puny mortals forget that Mahaakshay has always been Great! He was never meant to be ordinary. But what can I do? You see, I don’t intervene. I just sit back and watch this spectacle of human emotions which consists of love and hate and conflict and joy. I do openly agree that a few have come very close to deflect Mahaakshay from his original path by showering him with love and kindness and making him believe that he in fact isn’t a lonely wanderer after all. But all their efforts till now have gone in vain. And for this I really pity those humans. I mean, don’t they get it? Don’t they get it that Mahaakshay is too far down that road of War? That he was chosen by me? That no matter how hard they try that hole in his heart will never be filled with love?!?!? ‘Cause that hole can only be filled by one thing. By one joy. And that one joy is War. A War that never ends. I know, that if right now I was sitting in a public forum and if it was a case of Michael against the world, the jury would certainly pick the World to be right. But this isn’t a public forum now, is it? This is Mahaakshay’s life and the way it is moulding to be something incredible. It way not be the way you all want it to be but it is surely the way I want it to be. But you know what makes me happy, even Mahaakshay agrees. Oh yes, from time to time, when people hurt him and let him down. When life breaks down on him and when love turns bitter, Mahaakshay himself feels that hole in is heart. That giant hole in his soul. And since Mahaakshay is a smart chap he puts two and two together and tries to make sense of all the things that has happened to him and are happening to him. He asks why is it that Love can’t fix him? That why people can’t make him smile and he won’t get the opportunity to be good? He always asks himself these questions and when he is in the stillness of the night, I always manage to somehow send the message across to him. And that message is, “You Are My Son. You Are The God Of War. And You And I Are Meant To Do This Forever.”

"There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed."

So where do we go from here? Does Mahaakshay’s story end here? No. This Is Not How It Ends. This is only the beginning. I am proud of Mahaakshay Chakraborty. I have seen this boy turn into a man and even now, at the threshold of his film’s release which would in a way decide his fate, Mahaakshay knows where he is heading. He knows what he is meant to do. And that is why, no matter what the world throws at him, no matter how many insecurities and conflicts come his way, Mahaakshay has found his stillness. What is this stillness you ask? Well, let me explain it to you. I have dreamt of this from time to time and I know that very soon it will come true. Imagine a field. A field at the centre of the earth. The sun setting and the wind blowing it’s cool breeze. The sky as clear as blue and not a sound to hear. There in the middle of that field, I see Him. Yes, I see Mahaakshay standing, alone, with his own peace. His eyes are closed. He isn’t saying a word. All you can hear is the breathe which he is inhaling. And then, when the sun is about to set he opens his eyes and looks up. He looks up and just smiles and says, “I Am Ready.” And after that, his life changes forever. That is the moment he gives in to me completely. It is a beautiful dream, isn’t it? For me it is. And whether you like it or not, that is going to happen. No matter how many people Mahaakshay’s meets or loves or cares for, it won’t end like this for him. Mahaakshay is meant to be mine. Mahaakshay is my son. He is my tool for the war that is about to come and one day he will completely give in to me and from that point on, there will be no going back. So before I go and before Mahaakshay comes to know that I have given you all the ultimate truth, I want to tell you that This Is Not How It Ends. Mahaakshay will never be normal or have a life which will be remotely anything close to normal. Love won’t fix him and neither will salvation. His soul is mine now and no matter how many times He tries to escape the truth, the path will always bring him back to me. He will fall but He will rise again. He will cry but will learn to smile again. He will get hurt but will heal again. And all those people and all those events will bring him only to me. That is who Mahaakshay is. And this is his destiny. But do you know what makes this story much more fascinating and interesting? Do you remember when I heard Mahaakshay’s voice when he was a new born? Do you know when I looked into his eyes? That was the moment when I saw something which made me smile. I just didn’t see purity. I also saw approval. Approval for him to be chosen by me. For him to become my Soldier. For him to become the wanderer. For him to become My God Of War.

"Love cannot save you from your own fate."

This is Me, Michael, And This Is How It Actually begins.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,



Thursday, 23 April 2015

This Is My Story ...

“And I will create Men. Not one, but in the billions and trillions. I will make them my finest creation. But I know out of all these men, most will be corrupted by temptation. Some will be weakened by emotions and others will be destroyed by wrath. And I - The Creator knows that all men will be dogs and some will be wolves and only few will Triumph as Lions. But I wait for that one man, that one mortal who will have the power to sacrifice it all, to become something more than just a man. To become … a Legend.”

-The Book Of Prophecies

So where do I begin? Do I start from the very beginning? Or do I tell you what I am feeling now? To be honest, it is a little bit of both. I am right now, sitting on my sofa, at 12:15am in the morning at the eve of the Music Launch of my film Ishqedarriyaan and I can feel a whirlwind of emotions right now. Emotions, which I have always felt when the release of my film has neared. But even though I am feeling a thousand emotions per second, there is this stillness in me. A Still and calmness which has come from the conflicts I have fought over the years. Like a cool ocean breeze touching the my face. Like the first ray of the sun proclaiming the beginning of a brand new beautiful day. Yes, I do feel the calm. I do feel the stillness. I always look back you know. I always look back from where I began, to where I am going and I must say, it has been a beautiful 30 years for me. I have made several mistakes and also learnt a lot of lessons. Today, I am at the crossroads of my own being and whatever I choose from this point on, will surely shape the rest of my destiny. So what is my story? Haven’t all my blogs over the years already told enough? I say, not really. Al though, all my blogs have been a reflection of my feelings and my soul, I have always kept a part of me to myself. But I believe now is the time that I tell you what my story truly is …

"I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion."

Ishqedarriyaan is 3 weeks away. The number 3 has always been a part of my life. Al though I don’t believe in numerology, I do believe that the number 3 is connected to me as I was born on the 30th. This film has been a beautiful journey for me. I am deeply grateful to the entire team of Ishqedarriyaan for giving me such wonderful memories. We laughed, we dined, we shared and we worked together as a family. I know we have made a good film and come 15th of may I hope all of you feel the same as well. I am giving the promotions my 100% and I am making sure I leave no stone unturned, ‘cause on the 15th, I want to be contended with myself that as a man I gave this film my heart and soul. Films have always fascinated me. Even when I was a child watching King Kong V/S Godzilla on Vhs or watching Speed on the Laser Disc I was always in love with cinema. Who knew that the boyhood dream would one day come true for me and I would be in front of the camera showcasing my talents and entertaining the world. But this road hasn’t been easy. But I can tell you, it is only ‘cause of this journey that I have come so far. Today, my struggles have made me the man I am today. Today, I thank my struggles, ‘cause if it weren’t for them, I would never know what failure and rejection felt like. It was only ‘cause of those struggles that I fight and grinned and came this far. Today, I know I am humble and kind ‘cause I know that everyone out there is fighting his/her own battles. We all have dreams which we want to fulfil. I truly thank the universe for making the man that I am today. For making me strong and caring and reminding me that it is more important to be a good human being than to be anything else.

"Men are like lions. We hunt."

But all that I am saying right now can always be viewed in my interviews on youtube. So what is it that I am trying to say? Well, since I promised you that I will tell you the entire story, it was necessary for you to know where I am before I told you from where I began. And it all began when I first saw the Trailer of The Punisher on yahoo movies. It can be called as an act of randomness or the stroke of fate. But that one Trailer, changed my life. It was from that point on that I was in love with The Punisher and now it has been 10 years that I am still his biggest fan. I believe it was his ideologies and the way he was that connected with me the most. I was very lonely and angry back then and Frank Castle was the only one who saved me. I used to drown myself in his films and games and comics. I even started training like him! The Punisher and me still have that connection and I still remember the promises I made to him all those years ago. I know I may sound border line crazy right now, but trust me when you want a connect, the universe offers it to you. And since that day I have always tried to keep those promises to Frank. And after frank, also came many others. But Hulk, Ghost Rider, Wolverine and Daredevil were always the favourites for me. I know I should be touching Stan Lee’s Feet right now and one day, if I get the opportunity I will but these superheroes had a lot of commonality with me and that is why I considered them family. Slowly slowly my entire life started revolving around these amazing men and the way they were brave and courageous and as each passing day went, I kept on promising them that one day I would make them all proud. But it has taken me 10 years to keep those promises. Something that I am not proud of but as they say, better late than never.

"I'm sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people were talking smack. Every era in HISTORY
has someone talking smack. No way you can have talent and not proclaim your victory."

I have made so many mistakes. And I have stumbled so many times. I have caused pain and I have done things which I thought were ok but in fact weren’t. I do agree that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but the guilt within me was with me for as long as I can remember. Saying sorry wouldn’t had cut it and would definitely not make me enter the gates of heaven. But now, after all the mistakes and wrong deeds, I can say I am more aware. And I have reached to an understanding that from this point on I will never repeat the mistakes of the past. All those promises I made to Frank and the others were all void ‘cause I was a hypocrite. I did everything what I was not supposed to do. And believe it or not, in all these 10 years I, like a fool believed that I was on the right path. Trust me, it has taken me a long time to realise that I was very wrong in my thinking. But now, as I mentioned earlier, I have reached a calmness only because I know that my soul is getting cleansed everyday. That everyday I promise myself that I will never hurt anyone again. That I will stand for what is right and use my power for the good of mankind. But even when I know that come 15th may would be judgement day for me, I remember all those promises like it was just yesterday. Promises Mahaakshay gave to his superheroes. Those heroes who were there for him when no one else was. Those dreams of travelling the world, living life on your own terms, just riding towards the sunset, those dreams are still alive within me. And I know that until I make them come true my soul will always wander. Wander until it reaches its resting place.

"There is something really mysterious about lions. They could rip you apart if they wanted to, but at the same time they LOOK so cuddly. Can you imagine what humans look like to animals? They must think we're so weird."

But I am also human at the end. Am I not? I also have feelings and I really want to love and care and devote myself to the people I cherish. I want to wake up to the bliss and happiness of being loved and giving love in return. It took me a long time to ask for forgiveness and to forgive myself but now I know that I am in the journey of my own redemption. I know today I have responsibilities and today I have reached a place where I can’t be a boy anymore. I know am in the process of becoming a man. And that man, who does hard labour and grinds and gives and sacrifices also wants to be rewarded. And that is why from time to time I try to show care and affection. And it really works. It makes me happy and blushes me up. It makes me feel that I too can be like everybody else. That I too can have normal dreams and moments. But then, as night comes and when I am alone with my thoughts, I get reminded of those promises. When I see The Punisher’s poster on my wall, I instantly remember what I promised him. When I see Daredevil and read Ghost Rider, I am reminded of all those moments I have had with them. I remember everything. And then it hits me. That I was once a dog. I did become a wolf. But now, I have to transform into the Lion. 

"It's better to BE a lion for a day than a sheep all your life."

Greatness requires sacrifice. It demands our blood, sweat and tears and also the wager of our soul. And yes, even though a part of me wants to feel love and be loved and just be normal, the other side of me wants to be alone. For me, or the other side of me being alone is being powerful. A part of me is convinced that only when I am truly alone that I can attain the greatness I have set out to achieve. That is the promise I gave to Frank all those years ago. That I would be just like him. That I would live a life of greatness by sacrificing all that is in front of me, ‘cause if he can do it, then so can I. I know I sound like a confused spirit right now but the truth is, this conflict has always been a part of my life. Just like Johnny Blaze goes through in the Ghost Rider series. I have this constant struggle with my thoughts. That if one side of me gets weak through emotions, the other side of me reminds me how strong I can be. And now, at this threshold of my life, I need to be strong. I need to be powerful and be ready for whatever is in stored for me on the 15th of May. I know I will never go dark again and I will never use hate as my weapon. But I also know even though I feel love, a part of me will always feel the urge to be alone.

"A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep."

So is this the culmination of my story? Is this how it ends? Or is this how it begins? I believe I have only actually started now. It has taken me 10 years of trials to come this far and I know there is no going back now. There is only going forward towards the horizon where my destiny will show me the path I need to take. So I hoped you liked knowing this side of my life also. I will be back with another blog very soon and maybe I may also bump into you someday and that day I want to feel contented with myself ‘cause I know I have been honest here. I have tried to make you understand what Mahaakshay is all about. I am a boy turning into a man. But no matter where I go from this point on, I know I have promises to keep. I know I have things to do and people to prove and battles to win. I thank all those heroes who remind me of my promises and I thank all the people in my life who remind me that even I can love. This battle between two minds is my struggle and it is a part of me. Maybe one day this struggle will end. Maybe it will take a new route. But all I know is that I have promises to keep and I won’t stop until I fulfil them.

"The one excellent thing that can be learned from a lion is that whatever a man intends doing should be done by him with a whole-hearted and strenuous effort."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

And This Is My Story.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.