Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Little Pieces Of Me ...

"We Are Who We Are. Even If We Convince Ourselves We Are Not."

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

You know how we say grace before our meal to thank the lord for the food in our plates and the roof over our heads and the clothes to protect us from the cold, that very same way I say my own version of a grace whenever my laptop comes to life. My MacBook Air has become one of my most closest companions in the last couple of months now. And of course along with it, I should also thank the amazing Wifi connection I get at home and also Sunil Chauhan, the guy who actually gives me super fast wifi speed all the way, here in Madh. Why am I being so grateful to my electronics you ask? Well, it’s because through the internet, I get to go and visit amazing websites such as FlipKart, Amazon and MmaWareHouse. And now, all thanks to them, my Posters Collection has amplified by the dozen! Me and my posters go way long back and since I remember, I have had this spiritual connection with them. And besides my posters, I also ordered many blu-rays, books and video games from these websites. Ya, I know. Very soon I am gonna get an alert stating that I have been chosen as the Prime Consumer of their websites. But I am not here to boast about that. You see, just a day back, I was putting up the all-awesome Optimus Prime Poster up my wall, late in the night. And after I finished I had this sense of a deeper knowing. A knowing which made me realise that my environment is not a part of me but I am a part of my environment. Whatever I have been through and whatever it is that I do now, is just me in different forms. So, in the following paragraphs you will see how my environment is or maybe, you will see little pieces of me in it … :-)

Remember My Name …

I would one day love to play a character like Walter White on the big screen. Not because of his bad-ass looks and his intelligence but because of his sense of judgement and turmoil at the same time. We all love Breaking Bad and and as the million of viewers who got hooked on to the show, I am now completely engrossed in the series. In fact, I am in season 3 right now and the moment I finish writing this blog, I resume watching the show. But more than the chemistry and the drugs it is the human emotions of Walter White that I feel connected too. I mean, we all know what he is doing is wrong but yet, there is a sense of morality to it. You aren’t hating the character, you are actually loving it and the best part is that each and everyone one of us, wants to be Walter White. I know a part of me does ‘cause I know what the love of family means. I know how important family is and I know that in the end, the man always provides for his family. 

Blood And Sand …

Who doesn’t want to be a gladiator? I know I do. I have Action running in my veins and nothing makes me more excited than to imagine myself in an arena fighting for my life and my glory. The Show Spartacus gave me a taste of that. Al though the show has now come to an end, I remember the excitement I used to have when I use to watch it’s episodes. Whether it was the Diva, Lucy Lawless almost nude in every frame or men with ripped physiques slashing each others guts off, Spartacus made me feel alive, or at least the animal in me. Maybe, a couple of years down the line, I will watch the entire series again but the universe being the generous power it is has provided me a new approach and outlet to sword wielding and guts and glory. On the 23rd of september 2014, XBOX One will officially be launched in India and along with it will the game Ryse, Son Of Rome. I saw the gameplay last night and all I can say was that I was aroused and thrilled at the same time. The soldier and the barbarian in me loved the gameplay and now I can’t wait to get my hands on it. In fact, it is already on my pre-order wish list at amazon! 

Good And Evil …

You all know that my favourite show on television is Supernatural and since it’s debut, 10 years ago, I have never even missed one episode and to be honest, I can’t wait for the next season to start. Of course, everything about the show excites me but what tops the list is the life the Winchester Brothers live. A life of freedom. Driving cross-country and of course, sending evil back to hell, one demon at a time. Imagine, how cool it would be to live like that. To have that waxed hair like Dean’s or to have that perfect body like Sam’s and of course to always have an angel like Castiel by your side, literally! But Supernatural isn’t only about good and evil, it is also about the bond of brotherhood, which I connect too. Sam and Dean love and hate each other but in the end are the only family that they’ve got and that I connect to deeply. You see, we don’t choose our friends or family. But to love them surely is a choice given to us from the all mighty.

You Can’t See Me …

Every thursday, by 4pm, you will see me glued to ten sports hd. It isn’t because the latest cricket match is on. It is because I get to see my favourite wrestler John Cena come on Raw and captivate the entire Wwe Universe. My fan following for Cena goes back nearly 10 years and since the time I first ordered his “The Champ Is Here” t-shirt I have loved and worshipped the man known as John Cena. John Cena is everything that I want to be and his motto, ’Never Give Up’ always gives me hope that no matter how tough the odds are and no matter how much the world hates you or boos you, you stand your ground and you fight back. Whether it is his sheer strength to lift the big show and give him an AA or his will to always choose good over the bad, John Cena shows me what I can be and that is why he is my hero. That is why John Cena will always be the champ for me.

Silent Yet Deadly …

First it was Boss and now it is House Of Cards. According to me, it is one of the best shows on television. The 3rd season will be coming out soon and you have no idea how impatiently I am waiting for it! Power has always seduced me and given a choice between love and power I will choose power in a heartbeat. For me, nothing is more tempting or valuable or worthy more than Power and House Of Cards shows me just that. A single man’s obsession to rise to the top with a lot of politics mixed in the middle makes the show power-packed and if given a choice, who wouldn’t want to be the Leader Of The Free World? I know I would. House Of Cards isn’t just a political show, it is a show which shows that we all are wolves in sheep’s clothing. All because society tells us to be.

Savage Technology …

In this blog itself, I mentioned my laptop and the xbox one, so by now, you must have figured out that I love electronics! Well, yes I do and I don’t care even if 20 years down the line I am still tagged as a ‘child’ or a ‘kid’, electronics will always be a huge part of my life for more reasons than one. The way my laptop and wifi connect me to the internet, the same way games like Call Of Duty and Medal Of Honour connect me to the soldier within. I love playing these games and to be honest I have lost track how many a times I have re-played these games! It isn’t only about the Action or the Graphics that leave me Awestruck, it is also the stories that make the gameplay so interesting. Stories of heroism and honour and courage and above all sacrifice. Sure, these games maybe all advisable for consumers 18 and above but what they provide beyond the blood and gore are the morals of duty and discipline. Something which I connect to very deeply.

The Greatest Anti-Hero …

How can I even introduce you to The Punisher? He is my god and whatever I am today and whatever I ever will be ‘cause of him and his teachings. Come home and you will see how much I love him. From his Books, to his Tees and now even my Laptop Back Cover is of The Punisher’s! I live, breathe, eat and sleep The Punisher and I know one day I will make him proud. Now, all thanks to the Play Store and App Store I get to read the new Punisher Comics digitally every month. In a way, I am saving paper, plus I am having the time of my life swiping the phone screen for the amazing Punisher story to continue. To simply put it, if there was no Punisher, there wouldn’t had been a Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

So there you have it. Little Pieces Of Me in my everyday life. Whether it is me engrossed in a tv show or killing the enemy through the cross hairs in the latest FPS Video game, you saw what it is like to be or at least fragments of me. To be honest, I am still figuring myself out. And something tells me, I always will. But whatever I know of myself is that I Love Chaos. Ya. I love War and Battle and Fighting and Pain. To make it more convincing for you, I recently underwent a Surgery which only required Local Anaesthesia. Mostly people would not want to see their own blood or the stitches the sew the wound back to normal but me, I saw it all happen. In fact, I wanted to see it all happen and you know what? It didn’t scare me. it didn’t scare me at all. Just like how one of my old friends recently said that I don’t fear anything, not even god. Maybe that made sense, didn’t it? Maybe that was the chord that had to be struck. Maybe that was the realisation that I needed to awaken myself from my slumber. Those words made me realises that I will always be this way. This War Junkie. This Monster. This Lone Wolf. This being who is forever meant to be alone. Yes, I know I have said these words over and over again in the past. But think about it. Why would I say it all the time? Why would I be more interested in getting the new XBOX One over making new friends? The answer is that I am this way. I am meant to be alone. And yes, sometimes it gets very lonely. Sometimes it hurts like hell. To know you have everyone yet no one understands. To know that all listen, yet none know your darkest secrets. It scares me sometimes to realise that the hole in me will never be filled. Before I tried filling it with love and lust and lies and deception. But today, I repent for my mistakes. Today my soul or whatever good is left in it asks for forgiveness to whom all I have caused pain too ‘cause I have no right to make anyone suffer the way I do. This suffering, this chaos, this ordeal … this is mine to bare alone. and no friend or love can fix that. Only I can. But I feel that I have walked so far down that road, that I can now never come back from it. A part of me really wants to make friends and go back on Facebook and attend parties and go clubbing and do crazy, stupid things ‘cause that side of me is lonely and afraid and angry. But there is another side of me who is very happy with his MacBook Air and his Playstation 4 and XBOX One. I guess I am who I am and I guess this is the way I am always going to be. 

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Friday, 15 August 2014

For Brother. For Honour. For Country.

No Love Is More Powerful Than The Love For Country.

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

The moment has come. In the next few seconds the mission will be over. After 3 weeks of scouting and tracking and following, the task at hand, will finally be dealt with. But on this hot day, in the middle of the desert, where scorpions prey on the insects and  where the heat rips away your skin, Lt. Michael Smith isn’t thinking about his trip home. He knows home can’t change the man that he has become now. Home and the neighbourhood and the kids playing in the park and parents carrying their picnic baskets cannot undo what has been done here. Here … This place … This is Hell on earth. Where men rip each other apart on the name of religion and the ownership of land and where good men come and die. This is War. And for Michael, War is home. 

"The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree."

Just a few days ago, it was Michael’s 30th birthday. No, there weren’t any birthday cakes or candles to blow or presents to open. For Michael, it was just another day at the job. He has been at this war against terror for more than 5 years now but sometimes, he swears, it only feels like yesterday when he passed out from Sniper School. Lt. Michael Smith of the 101st Marines Special Ops Assault Division always knew he wanted to be an army man. But he never knew that he would one day be known as the most precise sniper in the army. For the army he is a great asset. For his enemies, he is the wrath of god. As how it happens with all men who spill blood, their names go down in history. But Michael has been known by many names. One of his famous nick names was ‘Mic Lightening’. It is said that when Michael aka Mic fired a bullet, it would reach it’s target at the speed of lighting. Like somehow the bullet knew that it had been fired by Mic. But in the recent years, Mic has been known as something more vicious. People now call him, Mic The Sick. Maybe they thought calling him lightening was too boyish or was inspired from a cartoon character. Now people call him Mic The Sick for a reason. It is said that Mic has never missed a target in his life. And other soldiers with their own eyes have sworn to see how his enemies have died. People say that Mic shoots his targets so precisely that they first puke their guts out and then they die. But nick names and medals and grand speeches don’t impress this sniper. They never did. For him, it was only one code that meant of value. That was of the highest of statures. It was what was taught to him during training. During those raining nights when the drill sergeants made you starve and made warriors out of men. It was, ‘For Brother. For Honour. For Country.’

"The patriot volunteer, fighting for country and his rights, makes the most reliable soldier on earth."

Today, Mic has ‘Death Train’ by his side. That is the name he has given to his weapon. The Gun which has until now taken more 800 lives. The gun which has made this boy from Kentucky a monster his enemies fear. But Mic wasn’t always like this. Mic was once a ‘normal’ man so as they say. A man who would drink beer and hear war stories during the camp fires in the night. But tragedies change all men. Some slightly. Some deeply. For Mic, it is a wound which still yet has to find it’s healing. They say men go quiet when they loose someone they truly love. Guess on that aspect, Mic wasn’t different from any of us.

"The patriot who feels himself in the service of God, who acknowledges Him in all his ways, has the promise of Almighty direction, and will find His Word in his greatest darkness."

Joe he was known as. Mic’s best friend. More like a brother. Both of them grew up together. When mic was bullied by the seniors, it was joe who always came to his rescue. Mic and joe were like mirrors to each other. They loved Rock music, watching UFC and also the same kind of women. Sometimes, it was even hard to differentiate between the two ‘cause even if they didn’t look alike, people thought they were twins. They even went to Sniper School together. And as all great friendships go, Mic and Joe became a great team, even on the field. Mic was the Shooter and Joe was the Spotter. They were like the two hands of god wiping out evil from this earth, one villain at a time. And people said, they haven’t seen a better team like this before. But then, in one fateful afternoon, it happened. 

"A man who says that no patriot should attack the war until it is over... is saying no good son should warn his mother of a cliff until she has fallen."

Mic and Joe aka known as Mic-Jagger were assigned to take out this leader who was considered to be a High Value Target aka HVT for the military. They were in place and were about to take the shot when they heard motor shells coming down from the sky. Someone must have forgotten to tell them that the mission had been changed the last minute and instead of a single-individual take down mission it was changed to destroy-everything-that-moves mission. Their position was compromised and even though the two of them fought back the resistance, the enemy was hell bound on avenging the death of their leader. In all the firings and the smoke and the bullets, joe was shot in the gut and was taken down. Even though he had a lot of life left in him, Mic knew he won’t survive if he wasn’t given medical attention in the next few minutes. But right before Mic was about to carry joe to the extraction point, joe told mic something that haunts him even till today. He told him, “Bro, Don’t Let These Sons Of Bitches Kill Me. I Don’t Wanna Die By The Hands Of The Enemy. I Want To Send Them All To Hell And If The Time Comes I Have To Die, I Want You To Kill Me. You Promise Me Mic, It Will Only Be You.” Before mic could reply a grenade exploded in front of them, separating the two far from each other. Joe fell in the barrage of rocks and mic feel 80 feet below in the river. When mic came to his senses he informed mission control that he has to go back for joe, al though mission controlled had confirmed that joe was no more. He was KIA. Killed In Action. Mic, being the stubborn oak he was refused to believe that and denied a pick up from the rendezvous point. What he did was went back and searched and searched for joe. He was afraid to face the truth that his best friend was no more. But the notion was true. Mic had lost his brother in war. But that day joe wasn’t the only one who died. It was even Mic who died. At least the part of him which was human.

"I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot."

It has been 2 years since that dreadful day. No one at camps talks about it, al though everyone knows the story. They also know what mic did after that. Mic chose to stay behind enemy lines and locate the surviving enemies of the assault. He followed them in the dirt, in the heat, in the cold and he had killed them all. When the Evac chopper finally came to pick him up, he was covered in dirt, had no food or water for days and was covered with blood. But what he had carried along with him were the heads of the men who were responsible for the death of his brother. Since the time mic lost joe, mic never made any new friends. He even hardly spoke to anyone. It was only a Yes Sir, Roger That dialogue for him now. He never stayed in camp for long. He was always out there, sniping. Taking down the enemy, one by one, piece by piece. It had gotten so out of hand, that the general himself had to give the order to mic to Stand Down and get some R & R aka Rest And Recovery. War changes men. But some say, War defined LT. Michael Smith and that is why for this task, for which he waits today, he was chosen by god himself, ‘cause no other man could bare the weight, the way Mic could. 

"I'm a patriot in the truest sense of the word."

And now, finally, the moment comes at hand. His enemy has been very monotonous in his routine. The enemy does the same thing everyday. That is how Mic learnt the moves of his enemy. But today is an important day. For today is the day when the enemy would be exchanging black market supplied weapons to a terrorist cell funded by an off-shore untraceable account. But the government has tracked down the weapons dealer and has classified him as the Ace Of Spades meaning a Threat of the highest order. One which should be ‘Taken Out’ aka be killed at any cost. So mic prepared Death train as he always did. He fixed his scope and placed the .50 Cal Armour Piercing bullet in the chamber. He knew he needed only one shot. One precise shot from nearly 2000 metres away would get the job done. The soldier in him wanted to take out the entire compound. He wanted to see a bullet in all of them but orders from high up were to only eliminate the Ace Of Spades. And so, as the sun light was just about perfect at an angle of 45’ degrees making his position invisible to the enemy and the wind slightly breezing towards the north, mic did what he does best. He took a deep breath, set his eye on the target and squeezed the trigger. A Mili second later the bullet left the chamber and in lightening speed forwarded towards the enemy and through his scope he saw what came next. The bullet entered the temple of the enemy and a moment later the enemy’s brain’s were all over the pavement. The soldiers around the fallen man were shocked and terrified and confused and they didn’t know what to do. The siren went off and the men were looking and running and hiding in every direction. But no other bullet came. All that was left was the dead body of the man who was only a moment ago a High-Kill-Priority for the Army.

"For me, the definition of a patriot is someone who is willing to constantly question the government; that's what separates us from other countries."

It has been 5 days now. Michael has been ordered to go home. The orders are from the President himself. The other soldiers give him the salute the moment he was entering the plane. Mic in return saluted them as they were his brothers in arms. Soldiers of a free country who come here to this dreadful place to free mortals from tyranny. People said Michael would be given the Medal Of Honour for his Service and Duty. But Mic just sits in the chair and the plane takes off. As the plane leaves the land and enters the sky something happens to Mic. For the first time in a long time Mic begins to cry. And when the tears start rolling they don’t stop. It was like the sight of leaving that hell behind somehow made him realise that it was all over. Michael kept his word. Lt. Michael Smith loved his country like no other and uphold the oath he gave himself.  He uphold the oath even when he squeezed the trigger. He uphold the oath even when he saw the brain splatter all over the pavement. He uphold the oath even when he knew that the man he was killing, was his best friend. His best friend Joe. 

"The Patriot Act is essential to our continued success in the war on terror here at home."

Mic came to know only a few months ago that Joe was very much alive. Al though his one eye and few of his fingers were gone, Joe was very much breathing. But Joe wasn’t the Joe who grew up with Mic. This Joe was the enemy, for Joe turned his back to his country. Joe became a terrorist and joined forces with the men who he was meant to destroy. Joe became the Arms Dealer the Army was tracking. And when they finally did, they knew only Mic could do what had to be done. It was more like a farewell to a friend who was only alive in Mic’s memory. So as the plane reached the skies and calmness and serenity of the heaven above earth finally came, Mic knew he uphold his Oath. He kept his promise to Joe, that he would be the only one who would kill him. And he kept his Oath, that no man, no friend, no love is more than the Love Of Country.

For Brother. For Honour. For Country.

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."


Thursday, 24 July 2014

The Number 30 ...

“All The Good And Bad In My Life Has Brought Me To This Juncture. And If Given A Chance I Would Love To Relive Them, All Over Again.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty.

How do I begin? In fact, where do I begin? How do I sum up nearly 24 days of Filming, 16 hours long work days, 5 hours of sleep and me turning 30 in the next few days, all in one blog? The answer is that I can’t. So I am gonna try to say whatever I can, however I can and try to make sense of it. So here goes. Tbilisi was amazing. More than amazing it was a life-changing or maybe I should say it was a life-evolving experience for me. Every moment was filled with learning and I am proud to say that I came back a more calm and sound man. I am truly grateful for this experience. Al though my hands right now are tempted to type the synopsis of my film and tell you the details about it, I know a time will come for all of that. And that time is not now. Now is the time of transition. Of learning. Of walking into the unknown. Of becoming 30. So my dear readers, buckle up ‘cause you are about to enter the 30’s zone …

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."

Do I miss Georgia? Yes I do. But do you know what I miss the most? I miss working. I miss waking up everyday by 5am. I miss sleeping for only 5 hours in a day. I miss Working. I miss the purity work has. I miss everything about work. And if you tell me right now that I have to go for another 30 days-16 hours work day-5 hours of sleep schedule, I would leave in a heart beat. Can I be honest with you? A part of me never wants to come back home. A part of me always wants to work. Work, work and work. It is a different high you know. You know the feeling of your legs hurting, the body crying for rest and your eyes longing for sleep, I love those feelings so so much! And yes, I have a dream and in that dream I never stop. I never stop working. I never stop giving. I never stop living. Now, I am home and now I have many beautiful memories with me. Memories, which won’t be forgotten for a very long time. They say na that All’s Well That Ends Well. Well, that is how I would sum up my trip. No matter whatever we went through. Whether it was challenges, adversaries, egos, intolerable people and daily complications, we all, as a team, reached our target and accomplished our mission. And for that I thank everyone and all who were a part of this project. Thank you for being a part of this beautiful journey with me and thank you for the beautiful memories which will always be a part of me for years to come. 

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well."

You know there was this driver over there. His name was Illo. He couldn’t speak english and I couldn’t speak georgian. But every morning without fail, we would exchange good mornings greetings with each other. He would say “Mimoh” and I would reply “Illo”. And that became our thing for 24 days. And al though our conversation never went more than that, we became very good friends and I do miss him. Our technical crew was very strong and I know that the only reason we managed to do such fantastic work was because of them. Baz Luhrman, once said a very beautiful thing during the making of his film Australia. He said, “Movie Making Is Like Drawing A Painting. Except for in Film-Making, everyone who is a part of the film is holding the Paint Brush at the same time and drawing the painting.” So ya, it was only because of the support we had that we finished the film on time. And the best part is that I managed to make some wonderful friends also. People with whom I am now constantly in touch with. People whom I know I will be working with again very soon. If you reading this blog, know that I miss you and I am truly grateful to have met you and know that I will always cherish what I have learnt from you. 

"There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why."

Of course, tbilisi and in fact, the entire georgia was a delight to the eyes and to the tongue. If the scenery was breath-taking, the food over there was out-standing also. I didn’t have any cheat days there but on the last day, I managed to eat all that I could! Whether it was the famous Khachapuri, a Roti filled with Cheese or the Khinkhali, a dim-sum kinda of a dish which consisted of soup, beef and pork, I ate all that my eyes could see and my stomach could fill. The wrap-up party was truly the icing on the cake as all were drinking and eating and dancing and enjoying. I mean, of course they had too. They had earned that right after 24 days of shooting. Of course, there were some whom we disliked or even to some extent, even hated but on that night, all were united for a cause which was much bigger than anyone of us. And that was our film. We let by-gones be by-bones and we hugged and kissed and made up, so as to say and we danced to Bollywood and Georgian Songs all night long, till the sun came up. Of course, what followed was a serious case of the hangover for mostly 90% of the crew but what transpired that night was truly a night to remember. A night which will make me laugh and giggle for many years to come.

"Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new."

I am now back home. Well, I have been home since sunday now and to be honest, normality feels surreal to me. But this is reality now. I am happy to be home. Happy to be re-united with my pets again. Happy to sit on my lazy boy couch and watch movies on blu-ray. I truly am. But a part of me is still there. In that fire. In that busy routine and I know that my soul longs for it. But all I can do now is wait. Wait again and prepare. But do you know what was the actual reason that I wrote this blog? It was because I knew that when I left a month ago for my shoot, I was somewhere still a boy but now, I know I have returned a Man. Not only because I am getting White Hair now. It is because I have learnt to let go. Learnt to understand that as grown ups we have to understand what is it that we need and what is it that we desire. I am happy for this growth and I am very happy to turn 30 this coming wednesday. No, I don’t expect you to wish me or send me gifts but I do wish that you connect with me if you have reached or crossed the 30 year old time line. Trust me guys, this is the age of maturity and leaning. It is only when you are 30 that you can say that you are a grown up. I know. I feel like one. And for the record, a grown up doesn’t mean that you have to have a serious expression on your face and only answer when asked. I still play video games. I still love electronics and I am still a hardcore WWE Fan. My hobbies or actions don’t make me a boy or define me as a man. But my will to understand does.

"Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love."

I will be watching Lincoln on Blu-Ray soon and yes, I am excited to see it. The reason I told you that is because this is a sign that I am back to my old routine. The normal routine as I call it. But this also is a good routine you see. In fact, this is the routine which is filed with tests and trials. You see a man is most tested when he has nothing to fight for. But on the contrary, I know I will always have something to fight for. The Fire In Me Still Burns. I still long for war. And I know that I will find my fight again. This journey which I embark upon again is mine and mine alone. People can wish well for me and be there for me but in the end this will always be my fight. To get up everyday. To go to the gym. To do my voice practice. To improve my diction. To put on my Mma Straps. To go to war. This is will always be ‘My Thing’ to do. And I understand that now. I have also realised that nothing and no one is bigger than their destinies. We all come with a Fate attached to us and all that we can do is the best within the limits that have been given to us and leave the rest to destiny to take shape. I still have many desires you see. I still have many wants. And to be honest, I know I will always want more. Things which closed ones may not understand and sometimes even misinterpret. But I am who I am and I know this is what I will always be. And if a part of me will always want more I know now that a part of me is also very calm and trusting the universe completely. Yes, I do. Whenever a small calamity comes my way or if I don’t get what I expected to get, I just close my eyes and say, “I Trust The Universe. I Have Complete Faith In It. And I Know That The Universe Has A Better Plan For Me.” And since the time I have been telling this to my self, I have become more calm and composed ‘cause I know that everything happens for a reason and all of us are destined for some greatness or the other. If we believe in ourselves and in our dreams then we should also believe in the universe and have faith that something great is stored for us. And sometimes, it isn’t what we planned but it is something way better.

"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been."

If last year, it was a time of redemption for me, this year, it is all about growing up and trusting the universe. It is all about having Faith ‘cause I have come to the conclusion that we can only do what we can do and the rest is all up to our destinies. When Napoleon was told that in his hands there weren’t any lines which proved that he would one day conquer the world, Napoleon took a knife and cut his hand and made that line and stated that, that was the line of his fortune. Al though that is a very motivational and inspirational story for all young bloods out there, the truth is Napoleon was always destined to be who he was. Just like we all are. Of course it is scary to walk into the unknown. But no matter how scary it is, when you have Faith, that same fear turns into a rush of excitement! I am in that state now. Walking towards oblivion and yet excited about it. I now have complete trust in the universe. I am now listening to everything and anything the universe is throwing at me. Whether I am at home or going out for a film or catching up with friends, I know the universe is trying to tell me something. And that ‘something’ is surely something ‘spectacular’ for me. I just know it. But does this change of calm and composure change me as a person? No. It doesn’t. ‘Cause I am going with my gut. Whether it is getting that Pink T-Shirt or watching the 50’s Classics Film or meeting that Friend I wanted to meet for years, I am waiting for My Gut, My Conscious, My Soul to tell me what to do ‘cause My Soul is directly intervened with the Power Of The Universe. I guess, yours is also. If you stay quiet and hear a little longer, you will hear that silence also. 

"We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be."

So I am turning 30 on Wednesday. No, no grand plans yet. But if I do plan to celebrate, I will blog about it and surely give you the minute by minute details. But turning 30 isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, from what I have heard, Women like Men above 30 and Men tend to become more wiser and mature after the age 30. So I guess I am entering a very important year of my existence. But does turning 30 really change me as a person? The answer to that is NO, it doesn’t. It just makes me more wiser that I was yesterday. I am still a loyal devotee of The Punisher. Thanks to the Marvel Phone App, I get to read all the latest Punisher comics on my phone. In fact, I just finished reading one now. I still love Mma and I still watch all the UFC Pay-Per-Views. In fact, I am very happy and delighted to say that at UFC 175 Chris Weidman, my favourite mma fighter, retained his Middle weight championship belt. I still never forget to watch RAW and Smackdown and thanks to my buddy Bhushan, I got the latest John Cena Tees as a birthday gift! So ya, I am still the same guy. Even when you will meet me, I will look the same. Henna said I still look 27, so I guess that is a good thing. But no matter how I look and what I do, I also know there is something new in me. Or maybe, I guess something has awakened in me. A Sense of Moral and Understanding. A Feeling that I never knew existed. A feeling of gratitude and deep thanks to the universe. A Faith that I never had before. A love in the unknown. A Belief in my dreams and knowing for a fact that in the end, everything is going to be alright. A sense of calm and resolve. A Trust in the Universe and a fire like never before. A want for war. A feeling of peace. And a Hunger to achieve more. And the confidence in me. You say, “When It Is Meant To be, Then It Is Upto Me.” So as always, I will go back to my duties. I will go back into the time and evotion it takes to carve out the best in me. This is my struggle. This is my battle. My war and my quest. So it will always be up to me. You see, the fire is still there. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing. It doesn’t matter whether I am at Tbilisi or Mumbai or whether I am Filming or at Home, the Fire In Me is still there and my body craves for Pain. The sound of Iron, the stink of Sweat, the bruises on your knuckles after an amazing Mma session and the taste of chicken breast and boiled vegetables. My mind, my body and my soul crave for The Giving ‘cause in the end, when you rip away all of my imperfections and impurities and feelings, I am a Soldier who wants to Train and Prepare and Give and Fight. I am who I am. Whether it is now when I am turning 30 or even when I will enter my 60th year. I will always be the guy who will wake up and fight another day. As Bhushan states it, “One More Round Bhai. One More Round."

"Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time."

I thank you all for tagging along in this journey called Life with me. I am always deeply touched by the love and appreciation you have for my blogs. And I won’t ever forget that. So, I don’t know where I will be writing my Number 31 Blog from but what I do know is that you guys will be there to read. Just like the Universe will be with me. As it is has always been.

"My life is better with every year of living it."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Have Entered My 30’s.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 16 July 2014

The Road Called Freedom ...

“We Often Meet Our Destiny On The Road We Choose To Avoid It.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

Freedom. What a powerful word it is. Isn’t it? For freedom we have fought over countless of centuries and have killed our brothers. Yet, even today, freedom is the greatest price and reward for the human soul. But why do we pursue this thing? This freedom? To be honest, I don’t know. But since I was a teenager, I have longed for Freedom. Of course, I never had to fight like William Wallace for Scotland and make the Britishers flee India. But I have waited for Freedom like no other. And even though I am 30 in a few days and I have had my taste of a little freedom I quest for far more. And sometimes freedom doesn’t mean living a life without tyranny. It means living the life your soul always wanted too. So my dear readers, let me take you on a ride. On The Road Called Freedom …

"I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move."

Whoever I have met, I have told them this … “One day I am going to travel the world. I am going to take my back pack, credit card, passport and nokia 1100 mobile phone and just head out to wherever life takes me. I would be gone for over a year and I will make sure that I visit every country in the world if I can and experience that bliss all by myself.” People look at me with amazement and wonder when I say these lines. They think I am a little crazy also. Well, I don’t blame them. This ‘Freedom’ wish of mine does feel a little far stretched. But that is the point, isn’t it? We should dream so big that our dreams should scare us. And that is why for more than 4 years, this one grand wish of mine is still a strong constant in my life. And I know that one day it will come true. Do you wanna know a little secret? Every day I plan a little more of this grand day to come nearer to me. When I embark on this grand journey of mine. Where my shadow will tag along for the ride. And even though this dream will consist of me going from one country to another, this journey will be more of my spirit than of my mind. 

"We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls."

Of course this trip will require a lot of money so if destiny favours me well I would be going for this journey sooner than I have thought. I would plan the east to west trip, starting from japan and going all the way to america. I can’t give you the exact date and time and location of my visits right now but I can tell you for sure that I would visit all the ancient and important tourist sites in the world. As I am a big fan of history, visiting all those great places which our forefathers built for us would surely be a delight. I would love to take selfies and post my pics on instagram to show the world what I am doing but as I mentioned before I would only be carrying an old nokia 1100 phone with me and that also only because I would call my mom once a day and tell her that I am ok and well. This journey would be of mine and mine alone and I will surely embrace the pros and the cons that come with it. People have given me their share of advice as to with whom I should travel and when I should and where I should go. But what they don’t understand is that this Road Of Freedom doesn’t just mean freedom from selfies or instagram posts but also from the world and the people in it.

"One travels more usefully when alone, because he reflects more."

You know I love music. In fact, I have also written a blog on it. So the songs on my playlist always remind me that this journey is still a very major part of my life and will be until I do it. And now, thanks to Mohit Dutta, my co-star here in Tbilisi, I got to hear a few more songs. Songs which have elevated my spirit. Which have reminded me of my freedom and how much it is important for my soul to go on this journey. Many go back-packing throughout the world, so in the end, I won’t be any different from them. But for me, it will be a rush of excitement. Just imagine being on your own! Travelling to all those famous places and living in hostels and hotels and meeting strangers who may or may not become your friends. I am longing for this journey. I can tell you that. With the way I have said those lines in this blog itself show you how excited I am! Just imagine a year of ‘Me Time’! Man, that would be epic, wouldn’t it? Al though I may not be an idol worship kinda of a guy, I would love to visit the famous shrines and monasteries of the world. I would love to get in touch with myself and my soul and cleanse myself. Of course, I would get a taste of all the local cuisines, even though I would be on a diet and visit all the famous clubs and pubs in the night, even though, I don’t drink. This would be my first hand experience of doing everything on my own. From booking the ticket, to getting the visa and catching a cab from the airport. Just thinking about all of that gives me goosebumps now! I would smile tears of joy when I will eat sushi in Japan or when I will visit the amazon or learn Jui-Jitsu in Brazil or watch a live football game in Manchester. But if you ask me, which is that one place I would really love to visit the most in this journey of mine? Well, it would be surely be The United States Of America.

"We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfilment."

The United States Of America. The greatest country in the world. Not only because of it’s land and culture and roots but also because of it’s democracy and freedom. It is the land where all want to go and where all want to flourish and that is why my journey’s final pit stop will be in the USA. I think the summer time would be the perfect time to be there. I would land in New York and rent a Mustang or a Triumph {if I get either of them on rent} and travel throughout all the back roads of America. Luckily, people speak english there, so finding places even when I am lost won’t be a problem. We all have seen the grand cities of America in the movies but I would also love to visit the small towns as well. Stay in motel rooms and and see the small town festivals and dance and cheer with the local folks. Al though I don’t drink beer, I would love to have the chicken wings and hot dogs during baseball and football season. I would love to meet the beautiful women and the handsome men and even wear my own cowboy suit if given the chance. And by the time I reach Los Angeles, I may also look like a bad-ass, with my leather jacket, big boots and Punisher t-shirt. America is the land of opportunity and to end this journey I would love to be in Los Angeles aka The City Of Angels. Why L.A. you say? Well, it is the land of Women, Clubs, Night Life, Mma and of course the Movies! Staying a month over there would surely be the icing on the cake. But then the question occurs … What would I do after this journey is over? 

"You get educated by traveling."

I would surely be coming back home after this grand journey of mine which will take me all around the world. Of course, I will have many memories to cherish and many moments to rethink. But the most important thing would be the arc of the soul. You see, I love myself. In fact, if I have ever loved anyone the most that would had been me. And I know that for loving myself and attaining my own share of happiness I have sometimes deliberately caused pain to others. Actions, which still haunt me today. But nonetheless, I still love myself and I have realised that you are your best friend and your only companion and that is why I would be going alone in this journey. My soul needs to live to the fullest. The voices inside know that this is also a calling and it must be fulfilled. And yes, it sometimes does get lonely. When you realise that you are in fact alone and in the end no one will be there for you besides your own reflection. So that is why this journey and this road and this freedom are so important to me. Maybe the Supernatural fan in me wants to feel like one of the Winchester brothers or maybe wants to look like The Rock in Faster and drive towards the sunset. Or maybe the Fan of Frank Castle in me wants to feel that he is finally The Punisher. Whatever the reason maybe, I know this this journey is very important for me. Whether you agree or not and whether or not you even try to talk me out of it, that freedom road awaits for me. To live this one life I have, I have to walk this road, I have to embrace this freedom, for the mind, body and my soul.

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty and this is My Road To Freedom.

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.


Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Plan B ...

“If You Want To Make God Laugh, Make Plans.”

-Mahaakshay Chakraborty

We all have dreams. All have hopes. All want to be rich. All want to be famous and live the luxurious life. But sooner or later we all realise that no dream is beyond their own fate. In my life of struggle and waiting I have understood one thing for sure. That no one and I mean no one can outrun their destiny. What is meant to be is meant to be. The scariest and the most exciting part is that we don’t know what is in stored for us. We are just passengers in this journey called life. And we all are playing our roles. Roles that are being controlled by our creator. Freedom in the end is only an illusion. A false pretence to make us feel better that somehow we are the masters of our own fate. But if you see closely, we are just puppets in the grand theatre of life. All we can do is hold on tight and pray that we don’t fall of the ledge when the shit hits the fan.

"God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty."

I love being on the sets. The feeling of putting on make-up, making your hair, wearing that costume, being under the lights, hearing action and cut, that is bliss for me. I love it with all of my heart and nothing in the world gives me more happiness than working 24/7. Since I have come here to Georgia, I have been on the sets almost everyday and I work for more than 16 hours a day. To be honest, the others can’t take the workload but me on the other hand, I love it. I love it when my body craves for rest. I love it when I know that I am going beyond my limits and I love to know that I am stronger than the others and that if given a chance I would never stop. I have told this many a times in the past and I will continue to say this in the future as well, “I Have A Dream And In That Dream I Never Stop.” Yes, that is the truth, I never want to stop. I want to keep on going. I want to fight a war that never ends. I want to give it my all and die in peace. I want to be a machine which never runs out of oil. I want to be a man who died at the battlefield doing what he loves the most. But you see, sometimes it isn’t the way we hoped it would be like. Sometimes, fear wins. And sometimes, you have to think of a Plan B.

"The most important lesson that I have learned is to trust God in every circumstance. Lots of times we go through different trials and following God's plan seems like it doesn't make any sense at all. God is always in control and he will never leave us."

Will Smith once said that one should never think of a Plan B, ‘cause the moment you start thinking of it, Plan A will never happen. I agree with him but on my defence, I am right now helpless. You know being helpless is more worse than being wrong. At least when you are wrong, you know you did something to do that. But when you are helpless you know you want to do something but you can’t. That is how I am feeling right now. Trapped in my own web of sorts. I see evil happening in front of me. I see hate flourishing and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. All I can do is wait and absorb it all. That is what I have been doing for all these years. That was the only choice that I was ever given. I want to man up and take charge. I want to give every sick fuck the Punishment he deserves. I want to show what will and power can do. But for now, I have to stay silent. I have to wait. And I have to carry the burden of guilt that some how for some reason, all this is happening because of me. I wish, I really wish I could had been more open and honest in my blogs. But this is as far as I can go. Too much on the line now to be emotional. Too much on the line to be sentimental. This is only a somewhat honest confession. And I confess that I am afraid. To be more real, I am petrified. Petrified that life may have something else planned for me.

"You can never plan the future by the past."

I can’t believe it but this is the first time I have written three blogs back to back. When I started writing blogs, it was a once-a-week-my-voice-to-be-heard blogs which I really enjoyed sharing with everyone. But now, due to my insecurities I have increased the rate of my posts. I think it is because fear has finally caught up to me and maybe I am sensing the end. Now, there are two ways to see this so-called end. One, that this is truly the end of an era of fighting, waiting and believing. And two, that this end is the path to a new, more glorious beginning. I prefer to choose the latter as it gives me some kind of a hope. Since last June, I have started to be more practical with my life. I guess that happens to you when you fight a never ending war. You start seeing life from a different perspective. I made myself prepare for this. These so-called twist and turns of fate. And I have also envisioned a different life than what I am living today. I wish and pray that I don’t have to ever live that life but a part of me won’t regret if I do. If you ask me what that life is, well, it is a life of Mixed Martial Arts. And you know what? I have had this conversation with a close buddy of mine as well, the possibilities of living a life of a Mma fighter. His words were very practical and honest and I appreciate them to the core. He told me that I am 30 now. Older than most guys in the Mma field. As Mma is a gruelling sport it may take a toll on me and some injuries may never let me recover. Plus I have a Kelloids deficiency which will leave scar tissue on my face after cuts and punches and also my left shoulder which has a loose tendon will be a major weakness when fighting the enemy in the ring. Plus Ufc is very very strict and tough in their selections so to even get noticed by them will take another 5 years or so with 6 hours of training everyday! After hearing all this anyone would feel that their life is definitely over. But I do believe that if plan A doesn’t sum up the way I have planned it, I know that Plan B surely will, whether or not I know what that plan really is.

"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success."

Have you seen the 2004 Punisher film? Before the climax Thomas Jane aka Frank Castle writes his own obituary, declaring what he is about to do and that no one else should be blamed for his actions. It was a Declaration Of Intent. I somehow feel that I am doing the same with this blog. Yes, it may look a lot like a negativity infused rotten version of myself asking for some pity from the universe but as a matter of fact, this is just the opposite. I am here telling you that I am trusting in the universe. That I am being honest and declaring that I am afraid and that I am ready for whatever the universe has in stored for me. If Plan A isn’t what is written in my destiny then I do know that Plan B would be. Since I am being honest about everything, well, nearly honest about everything in this blog I do have another small confession to make. Whenever I talk to Michael aka The Reaper, I sense this Dark Joy in me. I don’t know how to clearly explain this to you but if you would had read The Punisher Max series first book titled 'In The Beginning' you would know what I am talking about. Whenever Frank Talks to the Reaper or to his own darkness he experiences a certain dark joy. A dark joy he feels only when he sees the misery of others and of the ones who deserve to be punished. I can’t tell you in detail as to when I feel this but I can openly say that I do feel this Dark Joy from time to time and these moments with Michael are the ones I truly cherish. Even though life may have a plan b set for me I know that Michael and his Dark Joy will always be with me. I am here telling you that even though it scares me to admit that I am afraid, I am afraid of the unknown. But in the same time I have prepared myself for the plan b if that time ever has to come. Life at times may throw a curve ball at you and it may hit by the blind side when you least expect. But I know one thing for sure. If you Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, nothing and I mean nothing can stop you. 

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

This is Me, Mahaakshay Chakraborty And I Am Ready For Plan B …

With All My Might,

Your No.1 Fan,

Mahaakshay Chakraborty.